Out w/ the Old

I need to start out by telling you a story of how my New Years Eve began this morning. This morning Lilly was kind of grumbling in her crib, but I was still in that half asleep state until I heard this sound "ssssssssssss" - Lilly had removed her diaper and was peeing on her crib mattress. Out w/ the old. Scott tells me this is funny. Sort of - or at least now. As she was very proud of herself. He said, look, she's that much closer to potty training, she didn't like being wet. Yep. Good perspective . . . now that I'm awake that is.

So let me leave you on this beautiful sunny New Years Eve w/ these thoughts that I shared w/ my E-Bible Study group. We are studying the book "The Shack" which I highly recommend you read this coming year. Here goes as I wrote it to the group this comment by God in the book:

I also highlighted on page 187 "So when you don't hear me the first time, I'm not frustrated or disappointed. I'm thrilled. Only forty-six more times to go. And that first time will be a building block to construct a bridge of healing that one day - that today - you will walk across."

Isn't that how it is even w/ us when we are planting seeds of faith. So maybe our neighbor doesn't get it right away. Doesn't understand why we follow the Lord, but they see something in us that turns into a seed that is planted in them. And then w/ each seed planted we bring them closer to knowing the Lord. It is so true in our faith walk and bringing others to Jesus.

I thought that paragraph was cool. As it reminded me just like God - we need to be patient and let God's work fall into place and try not to be discouraged when we don't get instant results. - just keep walking the walk and let the Lord use you and others to keep planting seeds in people's lives day by day as it's all worth it. Like my friend Jillian who came to the Lord through befriending me, her silly Bible thumping neighbor - cause that's how she saw us. To her Scott & I were these people always having churchy friends over and her husband, Kevin, told us later that they always hoped that they didn't get invited to our pizza gatherings. Then one day after Jillian and I both had small babies she started taking walks w/ me and started realizing I wasn't just a freak and she wanted to know more about my faith and then she ultimately had some other stuff happen w/ others speaking into her and her husbands lives as well and then they came to the Lord and their ministry is huge now. Meanwhile at the same time I was trying my best to plant seeds in my other neighbor who was very much against my pushing my Christianity walk on her. She was a friend who I was and am very close to so I had this sense of urgency for her to have what I'd found in Jesus. Eventually I realized through the Jillian experience that I may have planted a seed or two in my friend, but someone else would probably be the one to plant the seeds that seal the deal and eventually bring her to the Lord. I'm still waiting, as Christianity is something we don't talk about anymore but I do believe the Lord will use someone else to plant the final seeds that draw her close. Anyway, I learned this from the Jillian experience. As here is how the Jillian story played out. Jillian and her husband did start coming to church and ultimately accepted the Lord. So later one day one of Jill's closest friends said to me - we were so glad you and your husband came into their lives -we've been trying to speak into their lives forever. But God used you guys. Scott & I got to plant the final seeds. So you see - it doesn't matter where you are in the seed planting business - You just hope and pray that you are leaving seeds behind in your walk and they are taking people one step closer to the Lord. Even when we don't see it.


Happy Seed Planting in the year to come!

Blessings,

Julie & Scott & the gang

Miss Lilly has been w/ us for 6 months!

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A Ta-Da Moment

I can't believe I forgot this great Ta-Da Lilly Moment! Scott just reminded me of another Lilly story.

One day we were at our church. It was after the evening service & Lilly was crawling around. And our friend, Ingrid, was making all over her. Well, at one moment I was busy talking to someone else and Scott was nearby Ingrid & Lilly. Lilly kept crawling up the carpeted steps to the stage (about 4 or 5 steps) when all of the sudden Lilly started to fall down the stairs. Ingrid caught the flying baby in a single bound by throwing herself through the air. Even though Ingrid caught Lilly mid air thus keeping her safe - Lilly still was wide-eyed and began to cry (but honestly I think Ingrid was even more wide-eyed and shaken). Scott quickly jumped in to crying Lilly and said "Ta-Da!" And Lilly went from tears to a big smile as she threw her arms out in the air & said, "Ta-Da!" And all was well again in her world.

So in our family Lilly has taught us when life gives you lemons a Ta-Da is needed is needed indeed. And Ingrid taught us how to fly through the air at the drop of a hat if needed. Honestly I think the Ta-Da Moment belonged to Ingrid. But Funny Girl got the laugh.

Anything For A Laugh

Lately, I find myself doing what most new mother's do w/ their friends & family. I find myself telling people all the stuff Lilly is doing. But in that Scott & I find humor in the midst of everything - it's the humorous I tend to share. So I was just writing to my friend, Lynne, and I said - Lilly has done so many funny things that I should blog about it. And so here I am.

Lest you wonder if God is in control - let me tell you a little about our Lilly. I was telling my sister a funny Lillyism the today & commenting on how much she does that is just like the rest of our family, so I know God picked her out just for us. My sister responded w/ something along these lines. "God's in control . . . imagine that. :) I think it took God so long to bring her to you as he was trying to find the right wacky child to fit into your family. "

I must tell you I fully agree w/ those words. Lilly is (Bianchi)Graubard through and through. She will do anything for a laugh. Sound familiar.

What prompted my sister's comment was my comment about Lilly biting my port. You heard me correctly. First, here's a port lesson. A port is that bump I have on my chest that was surgically put in and leads directly to a major vein so when I was having chemo my veins wouldn't collapse. This particular port I had put in this time was ugly. You know how I know - if I didn't already think so myself - many an ignorant soul has felt the need to tell me. I'm not holding grudges. It is particularly ugly - they had to put it up very high on my chest wall up near my collar bone this time due to not wanting to mess w/ my reconstructive surgery from 2006 from my last round of this when they hooked me up and fixed things following surgery on that side. Anyway, so I have this ugly port. And I don't hold grudges because when people say stuff like "that's uglu" to me - I think - they must have just had a stupid moment - no one can possibly insult like that if they are thinking. So most times it just made me laugh later at the ignorance due to the stupid gene we all have from time to time. Rabbit trailed - supposed to be talking about Lilly. I'm getting there though - promise.

So Lilly and the port. Lilly is particularly good at cuddling and giving hugs & kisses. So just the other day she leaned in close to me for what unsuspecting me thought would be a hug and next thing I know I'm yelling "OWWWWWW!" and yelling at Lilly to stop it. She had leaned in and bit the skin covering my port. I didn't laugh in front of her, of course, as she'd have certainly done it again for another laugh at another time. But I did laugh. I laughed because I'd have done the same thing. In fact, if I could reach it w/ my mouth - I might have tried to bite it. Kidding. I think. Anyway, as a kid for sure I would have done it - she was just curious - it is odd. A girl after my own heart. Curiousity got the best of her.

Other funny Lillyism.

Many of you know the story of Gideon putting out a fleece to see if God was really w/ him. Well. If we had put out the fleece - this would have been our kind of test and let me tell you - God is w/ us. Lilly took a domino and place it in her mouth w/ it sticking out like a T from her mouth. Stop it worriers - I am the Queeen of worry and the dominos are way too big for her to swallow & not made out of lead paint or anything but plastic. Back to the story. So Scott being Scott took more dominos and placed them going the other direction making a cross and stacked 3 more on the first domino. Lilly kept her lip out the whole time letting him do it. And it wasn't a one time deal - she'll do her trick for anyone who wants to see it. Lilly is one of us beyond a shadow of a doubt. Oh and for those who know her . . . my friend Judy, who I am staying w/ while I go through my radiation treatments, can stack up to 4 dominoes on her own original domino when she does the same trick as Lilly. Yay Judy!!!!!!! Now Judy just needs to get down the "ta-da's" that Lilly does after a trick.

Whom. What else. Words. Josh teaches her very funny words for a baby. She pronounces the words and says them in a voice you'd have to hear yourself words like - excellent, onion, Garbo, and whatever else Josh can think of which he feels will sound funny coming out of her mouth. Gramma Kay also got in on the scene by teaching her "yellow." Very funny as it's a trick for her tongue to say that one. Lilly is a copycat for sure. You say it and she repeats it. You do it and she will do it. Very smart little one. Her language skills are right there w/ any 16 mos. old, so no worries there. Although sometimes I do think she speaks some Chinese words. I pray she's not swearing at us, but I do think she speaks Chinese occasionally. Not a stretch . . . she's Chinese afterall.

But my favorite Lillyism now may be the one to bite me in the port in her teenage years. Whenever I tell her no she stops what she's doing, doesn't even really get mad at me - jus tlooks over and scrunches up her face until I laugh out loud. This is going to be my challenge. I must stop laughing in front of her. Yeesh. And Scott, Josh & Jesse are no help at all as they all egg her on.

Lilly "Anything for a laugh" Graubard. Graubard through and through.

Chemotheropy Complete!

Hi all,

This is a quick blog - but I wanted you to know Chemo is done - finished - complete! I made all six treatments w/ God's grace & now I am recovering rather nicely I might add. I start radiation in October for 28 treatments & will head into Christmas w/ my nice boyish style rockstar hairstyle & can move on to just loving on Lilly & the rest of the family for that matter! Just checking in as I know many worry when you have not heard from me, but suffice it to say I was just resting and getting better. Most side effects behind me at this point - just still a little tired.

Love & Kisses & Bless those around you today,

Julie

Off to Tampa for Chemo #6

Hi all,

Just reporting in to let you know I am off to Tampa to Moffitt Cancer Center for my final chemo session. I always get a little anxious about getting a chemo as I know what a week from now could bring in terms of anxiety if I let it. So as I close in on my last chemo I ask if you will to pray w/ me for an easy chemo - which just does what it needs to & gets out w/ out my suffering (or the family for that matter) from many side effects.

I head to Tampa on Monday w/ Lilly in tow & my Mom will be meeting us there. Then I return to Grand Cayman on Thursday. I'll talk to you when I get back, but if I don't blog quickly - know that I am resting and will when I am up to it.

Thanks as always for the prayers.


Love & Be Blessed,

Julie

When it Rains it Gustavs

So it seems we have a hurricane on the way through the Cayman Islands. So we are prepared and will keep you posted. My poor Mom flew here to help us out & now she gets to be here for a potential hurricane coming to greet her.

We are not worried as we are no strangers to hurricane preparations. But if you want to help - say some prayers & you know what I always pray. I pray the storm into the water. You know to fizzle out as we don't want it hitting someone else either.

Oh and as is common w/ chemo treatments there is a cycle you go through each time. So first I feel miserable & then I feel some bone pain from the blood boosting medicine and then I start feeling like my old self. I'm on my way to feeling like my old self again and in much better spirits since I wrote out how I was really doing. I have to imagine you are praying for us as we are all in much better spirits for that matter.

Be blessed & keep the prayers coming,

Julie & the Graubard Crew

Just telling you how it is . . .

That seems an appropriate title for this blog. This long awaited blog. I will just give updates in all areas. But I also felt if my testimony is to be real than I need to share how I am really feeling these days. It's been a hard summer and so I won't sugar coat it - but I will share the joys as well for even now I do know God is in it.

Lilly - amazing little being. She could not be cuter if she tried. And she continues to sleep through the nights - take good naps - laugh & make everyone laugh w/ her. She seems to know life is good for her & it's as if she knows the blessings deep in her heart. But the truth is - we are not the blessing placed in Lilly's life. She is the blessing placed in ours. Lilly's smile give me hope. She helps me to see life through eyes of someone who hasn't always known the privileges I have. I think the family in completion would agree w/ that statement - but it is one that is completely true for me. Lilly is my hope. My hope that life can and will get better and even if it doesn't we are blessed.

Jesse - he loves being a big brother. It's been long awaited. He is an expert in everything Lilly. He & Josh started school on Monday, so it's a little quieter around the house these days. He's been my little buddy for so long it's odd to have a little girl trailing around. But make no mistake he's still my little boy I tell him no matter how big he gets.

Josh - also loves his new little sister. He is a huge help & it is good to have him home after a long summer away. He has grown up. I can see the Holy Spirit living through him in ways I never did before. I am grateful for him.

Scott's job is a challenge, but he is always good w/ a challenge. I imagine he feels good getting out of the house as I have not been easy. We are still in search of a church home, but have made friends at two different churches. We have met some amazing individuals at both churches and that is good. But still we search for a church where the Holy Spirit is welcome, the teaching is good & the people truly reach out beyond the walls of the building. It seems in Cayman one day Scott may pastor a church. Time will tell. He continues to do missions work w/ his best buddy from the states, Jeff Ghiotto.

Scott & I are having a challenging summer. Cancer Round 2 has not been an easy one. The medicines make me grouchy & anxiety ridden & some days I just want to crawl in a ball & sleep. This isn't easy on Scott. And it's definitely not easy on me. If you thought I was a hero - I'm not. I think of my father daily & how he said I am strong. I am not strong. I am weak. I am angry often at God, at Scott and at anyone who annoys me. Why am I tell you this? Because you need to know - I am not a hero. I am a human being who hurts a lot & clings to God with all my might even when I am angry at Him. I learned this summer - when I feel alone I don't think God has forsaken me - I feel it is me who has forsaken Him. He doesn't move - He is constant. But I know if I am honest, that I do and it always sends me running back to Him where I cling to Him knowing He has a better idea of how this will play out. You know that's the thing - I know He is there - it is definitely me who moves.

The good news. I do seem to be on the mend. While I still have one more chemo & 25 radiation treatments ahead of me to complete treatment to keep cancer away - like I said - I am on the mend.

In the midst of this God is teaching me about beauty through God's eyes. I am bald. Retaining water immediately following chemo. Put on about 5 lbs. And am tired of all cultures saying . . . "did you gain weight?" "Why yes, I did and in America that makes woman want to be anorexic - thanks for asking." I haven't gotten that in awhile as when people ask me if I've gained weight I grab them by the arms & say, "yes, stop asking!" It's not the weight gain I mind - it's the lack of muscle - you should know that. I know 5 lbs. is not a lot. But it is old weight gain & I am no longer an athletic build but rather a woman who looks as if she's aged by 10 years. And when Scott says - it's only temporary I say to him . . . I will still look like a boy at Christmas. And that's how I feel. But the good news is as per a friend's advice I have just placed a date on how long I will allow myself to be angry about my new reflection in the mirror. Sept. 20th. That's the date I should stop feeling ill from my last chemo - that's the day I believe no more hair will fall out, but rather can grow again. Oh, and if you want a laugh. Here it is - I've always had a couple of tiny hair that grows around my chin. It's not really noticeable - but I take them out w/ tweezers all the time & have since probably my early 20's. One is still growing. How's that for irony. See - I'm human. I am angry about my reflection. Embarrassed someone will see pictures & tell people - look what Julie Bianchi looks like now. Why am I telling you this - because it hurts - and God is working on my self-image perhaps more than even the first time. It's a lesson I think I have always needed and I am getting it in a big way. Someone once told me when people see you they see more than your reflection in the mirror - they see you - how you talk - your facial expressions, etc. And it's different. That is true for I never see any of my friends w/ the same eyes I see myself. It's an issue I've always had. So God is working on me in this area so if you think about it - pray w/ me on this issue as I need healing in this area.

Following chemo treatments round 1 - pictures were developed of me & my friend Dave Brintnall both showing our bald heads. And when I saw the pictures my lack of eyelashes, the swollen face & just lack of face really made me so sad & I said - I'm so glad I never saw these while I was going through chemo. If I had I would have thought I was very, very sick. And that's how I see them - that others will see them and see the same thing. This time a mistake was made & I saw the pictures and they torture me. So I promise - should they slip out to you - I feel better than I look - I am grumpy - very grumpy & irritable - and tired - oh so tired. But I also am thankful for Lilly - thankful for the blessing she is - thankful God made her an easy baby and that the boys & Scott are so good with her.

On another note - help has arrived. My Mom arrived early August & is here until August 28th to help mommy us. And we hired a helper who comes 5 days a week to clean & my Mimi was the cleanest person I ever knew - kept the cleanest house & my house is cleaner. That's how good Marsia the helper is. The boys get frustrated, including Scott when she moves their stuff - but the house is clean for the first time in my adult life. So that is good.

And that is our life. Please pray for our protection, for our joy & mostly for us to see God's will in our lives for surely he has a plan.

17"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crops fail
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Be blessed, but more than that - bless others,

Julie

Hello Baby

So I don't think I told you all about Lilly's first night in Grand Cayman. We did what anyone might do right after they adopted a Chinese Baby. We went to our favorite Chinese Restaurant for dinner of course. Lilly loves fried rice and we have the pictures to show just how much. I'm sure that night the wait staff was thinking - they must be babysitting that baby & figured bring her for Chinese food. Why would they think that besides the obvious difference in our ethnicity? Well, because we took her w/out a bib and she was covered, the high chair was covered, the floor was covered and everything else around her was covered w/ fried rice. So I apologized for the mess and wrapped Lilly in a blanket and giggled the whole way out to the parking lot where I sat down on the curb still giggling while I brushed all the rice from her body as she stood in it in her little socks which were also covered in rice. I think even Lilly saw the humor in this. And Aunt Barbie caught it all in pictures. Very funny. In the words of a song from Fred Eaglesmith . . . "When exactly did we become white trash . . . " It was very funny all around. Unless of course you worked in the restaurant and had to clean up after Lilly - then maybe not so much.

Well tonight we went to eat Chinese again - but this time I went prepared. I even had a new bib which had a pocket at the bottom to catch the stray rice. And it did. It caught about 1/2 cup of fried rice that missed Lilly's mouth. My friend Kerri said next time I need to put a little ziplock baggie inside the pocket so I can take it home as a leftover. Note to self.

But none of the above is what prompted me to blog tonight. Tonight I have to tell you about our waitress. She was Chinese and we've learned from many other occasions her English is quite limited. So tonight Scott started asking her where she was from in China and finally he said "are you Mandarin or Cantonese?" To which she promptly replied, "Yes." So Scott just gave up and said "Lilly is Mandarin. You should talk to her." So the waitress went very lovingly to Lilly bent down near her face and said in English, "Hello Baby." Priceless. I love that.

She did finally say something in Chinese and Lilly did nod yes, so it's anyone's guess what she asked her, but Lilly seemed happy w/ her fried rice, so we didn't bother her to fill us in.

So remember when in doubt when talking to Lilly a "Hello Lilly" in English is always appropriate. And while it may or may not be understood by our little one, it is much appreciated as long as it's followed by a bowl of fried rice.

The End.

The Graubards

Lilly's World, Lilly's World, Excellent, Party Time, Bling, Bling, Bling!

Hi all,

Many have said - what's happened to the blogging? How is Miss Lilly and family doing? I'm so sorry - I just didn't feel like blogging - no better excuse.

Week 1 w/ Lilly went just fine. She is both a cuddly and easy baby. She will sit and play quietly by herself, but when she is done w/ that she is ready to cuddle and will call out Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma or Da, Da, Da, Da. And she loves Jesse so she has his attention as well and laughs and plays with him.

Jesse who I have to add grew up over night. He adores his little sister. I knew he'd like her - I knew he was eagerly awaiting being a big brother - and I knew he'd be a good big brother. I just didn't know he'd be a great big brother & I tell him how great he is at it every day & so does Daddy. She'll crash her walker through his toys & he says, "Lilly, no" and then looks at me and laughs. He really is amazing w/ her.

Honestly, she is much easier than I ever anticipated. My biggest adjustment is getting used to the idea that I am on call at all times again, plus working at the children's store I work at is on hold until further notice. Sure, I make an appearance on a Saturday and work just to get out w/ some adults - but for now I am back home w/ baby. I found the first couple of days I was going through a reality check w/ this, but honestly, she is easy - loves to eat & loves to laugh & play & cuddle and everything about her is just really going well. When she cries - it is because she is wet or hungry (she's always hungry - playing catching up as she weighed in at just 16 lbs. - that's what Garbo weighs!). When she is mad we call her "angry Lilly" but really angry Lilly lasts for about a minute & it's usually because she's hungry and we aren't catching the signal or she is tired. She does not stay mad. So keep praying as I believe God answered our prayers.

On a Julie note - you know people ask me how I am and I always answer - well, a little tired, but she sleeps through the night & is an easy baby, so I'm just doing some normal adjusting. Then it dawns on me they mean - how are you doing w/ chemo? How easily a baby makes you forget. So that is good and makes me happy. And I have to say - so many of you have written me and I apologize for not answering you directly. No time these days & I apologize for that! But I'm thinking of you and thank you for your sweet emails.

On a Scott note - Scott is finally over his jet lag. It took him a little longer than Lilly to come through the jet lag, but then again he was working - Lilly was home taking naps. I sometimes give him a hard time about napping, but really he did amazing and deserves some slack - I can't even imagine a 17 hour plane flight w/ a baby. Amazing.

Jesse, Lilly & I head to Florida next week for chemo #4 in Tampa. So send your prayers our way for an easy trip. It is also the first time Lilly will meet Joshua who is in Florida at the moment. Jesse can't wait to see Josh & introduce him to his new little sister. And Josh seems excited to meet her as well. And it is also her first time meeting Gramma Kay who Jesse always talks about - so she is in for a good surprise full of love when she meets her Gramma.

On a prayer note - I just want to thank you for your continued prayers over our family. People continually tell me and the family that we are strong - but we aren't strong in and of ourselves - that is the Lord and so don't kid yourself - you are seeing Him in us. Of course, it is a choice we made to accept Him into our lives - but when you pray it is answer to your prayers bringing us His strength. So thank you & remember even on the hard days:

The joy of the Lord is your (our) strength!
- Nehemiah 8:10

Be blessed & have a wonderful day!

Love,

Julie & Scott & family

Lilly & Jesse on her first day at home

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Lilly's arrival July 10, 2008

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One from the Proud Daddy

After three and a half years of praying for her, our Lilly is finally
home. She is a tiny package of energy. She laughs, smiles and
cuddles. She is perfect.

For those who are not up to date, I left for Nanchang China on the 27th
of June While Julie remained behind in Cayman with Jesse. I arrived on
the 29th. After a whopping 45 minutes of rest there was a knock at my
hotel door and a nice Chinese lady who was fluent in Chinese but spoke
no English (fortunately I am fluent in English but speak not Chinese)
handed me this beautiful crying baby. That was it. Within 20 minutes I
was alone with her.

Yesterday, Lilly and I completed our travel home. We had a 1 hour
flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong followed by 16 hours from Hong Kong
to JFK. We spent about 4 hours in a hotel room in New York before our
last 4 hour flight home to Cayman where Momma, Jesse and Aunt Barbie
(thank God for Aunt Barbie) waited.

Lilly seems very happy in her new family. She will eat anything you
feed her and apparently has little value for sleep. Who could ask for
anything more.

Thanks to all who have prayed with us and for us over the last 3 1/2
years. Thanks to all who have helped in ways to numerous to mention.
More pictures will follow after a little sleep for me.

Blessings

Scott

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Lilly in her hat


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Lilly is amazing!

Lilly is amazing. Truly she is. She's soft spoken, yet confident. You can see her little mind working. She is beautiful. Just a tiny bit of a thing. She loves to smile, belly laugh, eat and just be around all of us. She loves her little brother Jesse as she finds him quite fascinating. And while Daddy is her hero, she has taken nicely not only to me, but to my sister as well.

I am in love w/ our new little addition to the family.

Thanks for all your prayers, please continue them, we are blessed beyond words.

Love,

The Momma

I'm going to be a Mommy!!!!!!!!

It's 10:58 a.m. and all I can think is . . . Holy Guacamole I'm going to be a Mom again in less than an hour!!!!!!!! This is the most surreal moment of my life.

Ten Centimeters Dilated

Hi all,

Many have said - we haven't heard anything - no blog - how are Lilly & Scott coming along! And on and on w/ the interested questions. My apologies for holding out for so long. So let me update you a little on all the adventures of this past week.

First as the title mentions it seems I am dilated by 10 centimeters at this point. Scott & Lilly are either in or on their way to New York City via Hong Kong as I write. I haven't heard from them yet, so I have to assume they are still in flight. They arrive their tonight (Wed.) and then will take a direct flight to Grand Cayman tomorrow (Thurs.) with an arrival time around noon.

So how was the week?

Let's start w/ chemo. Chemo #3 finally was a go on Friday, so I am halfway done w/ my chemo treatments and quite happy about that I might add. Even though I had to be bumped back a few days for this chemo - the timing was perfect.

My sister, Barbie, arrived in town on Thursday, July 3rd. So she got here just in time to be on hand should Jesse or I have any needs during that time. I am so thankful for the cleaning lady/cook she has been for me and the little friend she's been for Jesse. :) As it is Chemo # 3 went fine and I am doing ok. The worst of it has been the anxiety and tiredness that sort of sets in about days 3-6 following the chemo treatment. It just sort of puts me on edge a little, leaving me in need of extra rest. My sister would say I do not rest enough, but this night owl is doing her best to at least take naps and to get to bed a little earlier than usual. I guess the whole get more sleep thing is good advice as a whole as we have a baby arriving here soon!!!!

More importantly - how are Scott and Lilly???????? Right????????? They are doing really well. Scott is doing amazing w/ Lilly and they seem quite bonded to one another. I could tell by his emails at one point that they were going from bonding to spoiling - but overall, I just think little Lilly is just so happy to have the attention of such a doting Daddy and so that makes me happy. She seems very much at east w/ her Daddy.

Text messages from Scott throughout the week:

While in Nanchang:

Funny thing: they serve baked beans on the breakfast buffet. Tell Ellen it will make her laugh. (Ellen and Dave are our friends from the New England states). Turns out she was right. Beans are for breakfast. Who new?

Is is 9:00. Lilly and I just returned from a 2 hour self guided tour of the city. We stayed w/in 10 blocks of the hotel and took 200 pictures. Reminds me of Peru accept for all the Chinese people. Loving it but missing you.

I have one extra bag of Chinese formula. I will buy two more this morning. She is asleep again and I am studying. She really is wonderful. You are going to love her. Sorry about the photos. I am trying a bunch. I just can’t send them. Love you. By the way, I think Lilly may have called Lisa Welman (a friend in Cayman).

At 3:00 a.m. gave her a bottle and now she is back to sleep. Me, wide awake at 4:00 a.m. and loving it.

She usually has 2 hour naps and sleeps the night. I think she gets overwhelmed by the new world unfolding around her these days. We will be home in a week. You can recognize me by the carnation in my lapel and the Asian baby in my arms.

Her clothes do fit well she is a tiny angel

I think I am spoiling our daughter. It is hotter than hell and we just walked for two hours and she is copping an attitude because I stopped. Could this be another princess?

Eating lunch in the restaurant. Lilly is in a high chair eating bread w/ a hard crust and a sweet cake. Had a bath. We both survived. While I typed this she stole bread from the table next to ours. Very funny.

I don’t know how much she was fed before. All I know is that if she is fussing, she is hungry.

In Guangzhou:

The white swam is really nice. Not certain, but I think I ate him for breakfast. Yum. Lilly is chowing down on a piece of French toast. This kid loves to eat. Warn the dogs. I fear what will happen if they leave food in their dishes. Miss you. Give Cuatro a hug and a kiss. Warn Garbo & Lucy their worlds are about to change.

Had a great afternoon. Explored the hotel and visited some of the local shoppes. She had fun. Lilly fed herself two sweet rolls at lunch. Made a mess but had a great time. She does not mind sitting in her high chair jamming food in her cakehole. It is 6:00 and she just put herself to sleep. We played together most of the afternoon. Afternoon may be her best time. Tomorrow it is bath time again. Probably after breakfast. Love and miss you. P.S. Tell your sister not to touch my stuff.

Good morning. 6:30 and just woke up. Touring Guangzhou than just hanging out today.

Back in our room. She pooped is eating and then it is nap time. Tour was nice. Lilly seemed bored as if she had seen it before. Hmmmm.

Getting ready to leave for Hong Kong:

All that remains is to finalize on the other side of the sea. I have her visa et all. Love you.

Eating breakfast. Getting packed. Leave for airport soon.

So there you have it some texts from Scott about Lilly. He jokes all she does is eat, sleep and poop, but Joshua said, that's the same w/ him, so it seems all is well in her world. And Josh's for that matter, too.

Say lots of prayers for a great celebration tomorrow when Scott brings Lilly out the airport doors and we finally meet her in person!

Be blessed and thanks for praying and waiting for her arrival with us!

Love,

Julie & Scott

I Dig Your Wig

Hi all,

As most of you read via my email - no chemo today. My white blood count too low - but no worries. God has a plan. They will try again on friday after giving me shots to help boost the old white count. Good news is my hemoglobin count is up.

Better news I got a new wiggy thing today. I ordered it from the American Cancer Society and it is called a fall - no hair in the middle, but looks cool under hats & scarves. I already have one, but this one is even cooler looking. Although I must tell you - my friend, Erika, calls me Ivanka when I wear the first one I bought w/ my little newsboy cap. I bought it at Moffitt and was happy to have it, but was also wearing higher heeled shoes that day and so was walking around doing my Mary Cate & Ashley in high heels walk in my very blonde hair w/ the a flippy shag hairstyle. Plus I had blush on to make-up for any paleness - so me as the day went on felt more like Julia Roberts as the hooker in Pretty woman - and now can't get that out of my head, but everyone else seems to think it's fine. Makes me laugh and you know that's perfect for me.

Scott's cousin, Abby, got my email about the new wig and told me to google the song "I Dig Your Wig" by the 80's group Ben Vaughn Combo - now I could only get The Many Moods singing it so I tried to attach that - but that made my day as it's funny to me. So enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0z9TIc8_cU&NR=1

On the Lilly & Scott news - Lilly is still doing well and seems to be getting on just fine w/ her Daddy. He says she is an easy baby and really isn't even upset by the rash that I think is going to come down to either heat rash (Scotts and the adoption agencie's guess) or a detergent allergy. Time will tell - we will not switch her off her Chinese formula till she gets home as she did not fair well when Scott tried to do that. So he will come home w/ lots of Chinese formula and will work on this when we have a pediatrician nearby and at our fingertips.

Here's a sampling of great Text messages I have received from Scott:

July 1

Hola mama. Como esta? That is Chinese for hi mama how are you? (Scott claims his brushing up on Spanish has done nothing for him there in China. Go figure)

She eats fruit, cereal, bread and Chinese formula.

Will send pictures soon. Lilly is grumpy must feed her and let her nap. Hot here. Otherwise Ds Lilly is helping with this message fjfhjgfgfgg

Looks like heat rash. Salee took us to the park it was beautiful. Lilly is doing well stop worrying. OK?

Nothing planned for the PM. More crowded than Cayman. Lots of things to see. Lots of people to watch. Kind of reminds me of Lima (Peru)

She is laying here next to me asleep.

She may be teething. She has 4 teeth on top and 2 in the bottom. She just fell asleep.

And that is just a taste of the great texts he sent. He also told me on the phone that she was lying on the bed and she touched his nose and he went "Honk" something he used to do all the time to our friend Grace Whitley's baby who also loved it and therefore when first met her baby brother in the hospital reached up, touched her brother's nose and said, "Honk" - a proud day for Scott. Anyway, back to Lilly - he went "honk" and she had a great belly laugh - he said it was beautiful and she is quite the happy little one. Little being the operative word as she is tiny.

Off to rest and drink lots of water. Nurses orders.

Thanks for all of you who have said at one time or another - perhaps in different words - "I dig your wig."

Be blessed,

Julie

Amazing June 29th for the Graubards

Today is Jesse's 7th birthday - although I'm not sure he knows it as like his Momma we've been celebrating for the last two weeks and will continue into July w/ a big birthday party.

But that is not the only reason June 29th is special to us. God has made June 29th special yet again as today he dropped Lilly into Scott's arm in a hotel in Nanchang, China. Isn't the Lord so very cool. He took an already special day and made it that much more special to us.

How is Jesse about sharing his big day? Well, there are still cupcakes involved, right? So he's good w/ it. He's been awaiting this moment for so long I'm sure he would even share a little bit of his cupcake as long as she doesn't push it.

The last week our house has emptied slightly. I was already missing Josh and his silliness as Scott had flown w/ him to Miami a week ago for a summer away. Then Friday we dropped Scott off at the airport for his trip to China. So I proclaimed my homesickness for Daddy to Jesse . And w/ all the compassion he could come up with he said - "Mom, he's bringing home my baby sister." As if - get over this - it's for a good cause. My heart melted.

We knew Lilly would be in Scott's arms in the next few days - but what we didn't know was that it would be on Jesse's birthday! Scott sent me a text message last night (Sunday) at 2:00 a.m. which was already 3:00 p.m. for him on Sunday.

And he said, "Lilly will be with me from 4:30 June 29. That is special." Indeed it is. Or as my Mom reminded me in a text this morning:

"This is the day the Lord has made and what a beautiful day it is." Amen. :)

So here are the first text messages I awakened to in the order he sent them:

"Lilly says hi mommy and Jesse"

"She cried for an hour and a half nonstop. Then I sang to her and she would stop for awhile."

"She stared. She is is very curious and I think very smart."

"Then she laughed. You can't imagine how beautiful that little laugh is."

"Am in love with this little angel."

In that it is 9 a.m. Cayman time (8 a.m. US time), it must be 8 p.m. Nanchang, China time, so I would be surprised if both baby & daddy are not already sound asleep as they both had exhausting days.

God is good! So very good. Can I get a Praise God?!

Love & blessings,

Julie who loves June 29th for so many reasons

The journey to get Lilly

I'm sitting here at my computer at 12:10 a.m. Sunday just wondering if Scott has arrived in Nanchang, China. For Scott it is actually around 12:10 p.m. Sunday. Last he text messaged me it was to tell me he was in Hong Kong awaiting his flight to Nanchang where he will be for the next few days. He said he was tired, but doing ok.

Yesterday when I left Scott at the airport I had an overwhelming feeling of homesickness for him. I was dealing w/ very real fear. Fear of his being on the other side of the world so far away from us. Fear that I would get sick while he was away with an infection if my white blood count got too low from chemo. And most of all fear of being a mother again and the idea that Lilly might not love me, that we might not bond, that I'm out of shape at being a Mommy of a baby. Total fear. So I did the kind of thing I always do - I got in the car and took Jesse to the movies. We went to see Wall-E. Now looking back - how appropriate as we enter this world that is so alien to us.

It's so surreal. I mean, little Lilly, we've talked about her so long. And now Scott's actually in China getting ready to meet her. I've heard it said that a birth child grows in your belly, while an adopted child grows in your heart. That's so true. I may not have carried Lilly inside of me, but God certainly grew her in both Scott's & my hearts. On Friday when Scott was sitting in the Grand Cayman airport awaiting his flight to New York he called me and he told me something I had not thought of. When I was pregnant w/ Jesse, we prayed for Jesse every day. Scott always prayed Psalm 15 over him as he'd talk to my belly. And I would be silly and talk back as if it was Jesse talking. So the night before Scott left for New York he had a hard time getting to sleep and he thought about how we used to pray for Jesse and that's when it came to him - we've been praying for Lilly for such a long time. Over 3 years now - which means we were praying for Lilly before she was even conceived. Yes, I do believe God placed Lilly in our hearts long ago and that He always meant for her to be a gift to us. I am forever grateful to her birth mother who gave her life so that we can be her family.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. - Psalm 118:24

Truly we are blessed.

As they say in Cayman even when they great you in the early evening . . . Good Night,

Mom to David, Megan, Josh, Jesse & Lilly

About the Julie Mango

My friend, Sherry, was asking me about the Julie mango, so I decided to look it up. It made me laugh to see how much I am actually like the Julie Mango these days in light of the whole breast cancer extravaganza we're currently working our way through. So read on. My comments are in parenthesis.

Julie' is the main mango exported from the West Indies to Europe. The fruit is somewhat flattened on one side (ironic), of medium size (nice I guess); the flesh is not completely fiberless but is of good flavor. It came to Florida from Trinidad (or perhaps from Ohio) but has long been popular in Jamaica. The tree is somewhat dwarf (of course, height is mentioned), has 30% to 50% hermaphrodite flowers; bears well and regularly. It is adaptable to humid environments and disease-resistant (I like this one) and the fruit is resistant to the fruit fly. 'Julie' has been grown in Ghana since the early 1920's. From 'Julie', the well-known mango breeder, Lawrence Zill, developed 'Carrie', but 'Julie' has not been planted in Florida for many years (or at least not in this last year since she's gone Caribbean for about a year now).

There you have it.

On a whole other note - keep Scott in prayer as he heads to China today to pick up our dear sweet Lilly. He will bring her home to Momma on July 10th.

Have a mango today on me.

Be blessed,

Julie

Why Julie Mango?

So not that anyone cares - but I thought I'd fill you in on why I'm Julie Mango.

Now lest you think I've quit being The Princess - as they say on the Island - no worries, mon. I will always be The Princess. But when I first arrived on the Island - I decided I needed to reach out and make friends, thus I started going to a Mom's prayer group at my church.

So these woman who were somewhat familiar w/ the little white girl from the US were so very kind to me and took me right under their wings. Especially Sister Janet, the wife of the elder of the church. Sister Janet is a British woman who is one of my favorite people on the entire Island. It was she who for memory sake decided to give me what she calls a "pet name."

Turns out there is a type of mango called the Julie Mango. Thus, my pet name. Apparently the Julie Mango is quite sweet. This I like. It's also shaped funny, as all mangoes are - I choose to believe that has nothing to do w/ why it reminds Sister Janet of me. Although, that said - funny thing about living in the Caribbean. I live in a place which is a mixture of so many different cultures - some of which have no problem mentioning it to you when you gain weight. Yay me! Like the other day when I took off my sunglasses to say hello to my friend who works at the pharmacy at the hospital. She was looking at me like she didn't recognize me, so I started to say, "I know - it's the blonde wig (chemo patient)." I said that at the same time she was saying, "You're face - it's so round, I didn't recognize you." Speechless. Which you will learn if you don't know it already - I am not.

Back to the topic at hand. So right after my new friends named me Julie Mango - I'm outside w/ my husband, Scott, and my son, Jesse, and someone rides by in her car, reaches her arm out the window and waves and yelled, "Helllllllooooooo, Julie Mango!" My husband smiled and looked at me for explanation, but recognized my happy face knowing I had friends in this new place and might stop the crying.

Probably the day I decided - I'm home. Yes, definitely the day this became home.

Julie Mango

I'm blogging!

So I've never blogged - well unless you count that time I tried it out on My Space and then never tried again. My friend, Sue, told me I should blog - so here goes. :) I'm finding myself speechless at the moment - but never fear - I'll get my thoughts back once I get over the very idea of little old just learned to text this year Julie has a blog now. Funny.