Jon and Kate plus a sad fan

I know it's ridiculous, but I am so saddened by Jon & Kate and their recent separation. Are they victims of stupidity! Did plastic surgery & pedicures & hairstyles make their harmless little life of parenting all those kids go down a wrong path? Sure. But who of us would pass up a free tummy tuck?! Is Kate mean? Sure. Does John put on blinders and seem oblivious most of the time when there are 8 kids to be parented? Sure. But they sound like normal parents of lots of kids that forgot they need God in the middle as it's hard. It's so hard. I mean is Kate mean or is John a slacker? Both. Which came first . . . the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Why isn't someone counseling them to get through this - they've invested so much and were just about to get them all in school. We can all be judgy - but the truth is they are marriage today. It's hard. Hard I tell you . . . but if he did not cheat, if they really are both believers - I so wish someone would pray and pray hard w/ them to fix this and take a break from the media. Am I passionate about this? No, why do you ask?!I need a sandwich.

The Grand Grill of Grand Cayman's for Sale . . . Twice

Since we will be moving - we had our garage sale to sell a few things. Good idea. Mostly we are selling our toys as we don't own much in the kitchen or elsewhere and we'd already donated clothes.

So we had two big items . . . a crib . . . and the infamous huge grill we inherited. It's been a good grill in spite of our having the little roadside charcoal grill God sent us during our first Hurricane here, but still - the big grill was a nice addition to our grill owning.

Well, as you can imagine this grill was a great find for many. Too many it seems.

We sold the grill to a very nice man - a man who said "a nice man let me park here during a hurricane once . . . Scott." This man is a new grandfather & we doted on his grandbaby. We were happy to bless this man. He'd come hoping our charcoal grill was on sale - had his sites on it from the road hoping it would be for sale. And then he found the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman in our garage. I had to tell him, I'd love to sell you the grill, but a woman came by this morning and I promised her I'd wait until tonight when her husband could come by and inspect it. So he went on his way - still he stopped by once in the afternoon to see if she'd called back.

So I decided. Here's an eager buyer, I'm going to call the woman who spoke for the grill and ask her if she is indeed still interested. See when she saw the grill - she'd inquired about it and our car as well. And then a friend drove by and she asked him to look at the grill. They went on their way promising to call back or stop back in the early evening.

I called the woman and asked. Do you still think you are interested in the grill? I have a man particularly interested and so if you are not, I was going to let him have it. She said, oh my husband has not responded so if you have a buyer let him have it. I promised her I'd call her should he change his mind and it still be on sale.

Our buyer eagerly came & paid for the grill excited about his new purchase. He and Scott made plans to meet up in the morning to load the grill in his vehicle so he could take it home.

Off I went to work yesterday morning, telling Marcia, Scott will be home at some point as we sold the grill in the garage & the man is coming to pick it up. I went off to work, knowing Scott would take care of this.

Mid-morning a call came from the buyer. "I'm here to pick up my grill and your babysitter says she sold the grill to a man who came & paid her and took it away." "What?!" I exclaimed. "Where is Scott?" "Scott was going to leave the grill outside as I couldn't meet him when he was available, but your babysitter said someone came and gave her $100 and she sold the grill." "What?! Let me talk to her."

Well, after all was said and done. All Marcia knew was someone was coming to get the grill. And someone did. And they paid her for it. Leaving one sad man, w/ a rack of ribs to barbecue waiting at home and another man . . . who we suspect was the friend of the original lady who was going to buy it - who is happy and grilling like crazy today.

The man who was sad did have such integrity as he was angry. But he came back and kindly paid $10 for the monitor set we had given him telling him no worries pay us tomorrow. We tried to gift these to him, but he insisted. He's a great man. I called the first lady and asked for the grill back, but she said it was not her husband and if she heard anything about the grill she'd call back. She never did - but she did have the same name as the name Marcia said was the friend of the man who purchased. Yeesh!

Praying guy #2 comes back, but figuring it's in God's hands now.

And so it is w/ the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman . . .

The end.

I'm out of control

Today has been stressful to me. I've been on edge and I realize it's all about control issues. Further, as I was thinking about it I realized - it's not God who I don't want to have control of my life. It's everyone else.

You see, I'm one of those people who will do anything to stay out of conflict. And sometimes that means I actually cause it. In fact in my pursuit of pleasing and getting along with others - I try to make peace come even at the expense of my unrest. And most of the time I do it quite passive-aggressively I might add.

So as I pondered this today. I realized I think where I struggle is the idea that others have any control over my life. Sometimes I give it to them. Often in fact. Sometimes I seek approval so much that I give up a part of myself trying to get it. At times I've caught myself actually seeking other people's approval so much that I forget it's really God's approval I should be seeking. Period. But then there are other times when I feel like people feel they have the right to inflict their needs or their time constraints on me so much that I lose control in that way as well. I think this one is harder for me. This is when my well-developed ability to feel guilt works on me the hardest. This is especially difficult for me when it moves into my family life. It's when it's affecting my family that I find myself most irritable. A Bear protecting her cubs!

This lead me into a deeper question for myself. When other people feel the need to inflict their needs on my family. Am I angry because they are taking control of my time? Or am I angry because I've lost my own overzealous control of things?

I gladly give God control over my family's life. In fact I prefer it for I know His plans for our life are meant for good. However, I do not know whether or not I want to give it up to other people. This is something I will continue to pray and ponder.

Julie thoughts about the Conflicted . . .

I just received one of those forwarded emails about how God is mentioned in every state constitution of the United States. A reminder in the beginning He was welcomed into the USA.

You know what's saddens me in general. In the US you see such conflict - you see it in Cayman, too. People say - don't let God be a part of decisions - it's an infringement on rights of those who don't believe - right?! That's cool if you want to live that way US - but then why the heck do people expect Him to show up or ask why He doesn't when a tragedy happens. I thought you didn't believe so why do you have expectations of Him in your world. Hmmmmm. Conflicted peoples. I'd say.

I mentioned this to my husband, Scott, and he reminds me . . .

Through out history God has answered the prayers of the few who remained faithful. Remember Elijah and the Prophets of Baal?. I choose to be one of the faithful. I pray for the strength and determination to be faithful at any cost.

I have to say . . .

Agreed. Amen.

Cling to His neck. He hears you.

Waiting is hard

Just felt like sharing my feelings. I say I am a Christian and that is true. But today I feel like I'm failing somehow.

When we came to Cayman we signed on for a 2 year contract. But we never knew when we'd leave we'd have no answers as to what's next. Now, no one knows better than we do that life happens no matter how much you try to take control, so you might as well just give. But that said - I'm still trying to hang onto control! So I pray the mighty prayer God has given me "Lord, I know you promise to take all things from us if we let you . . . so please, Lord, help me to loosen my grasp on this and give it to you."

I feel like that selfish girl on Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. "I want an Oompa Loompa now!" For I want answers now!

I want to know - what is next for the Graubards. The economy is bad . . . not just in the US, but in Cayman as well. Cayman just doesn't realize it yet - but it's a coming. If the US fails - we fail here as we are a tourist industry.

But that all said - it doesn't matter as it's not about material things. We've had material things - they don't protect you from cancer - and you can tell me go green, go organic all you want - I am not the statistic that gets cancer - did you hear me - I am not the statistic they expect - I eat whole wheat bread and vegetables - prefer them to sugar (mostly) so stop w/ your organic eat well advice - it didn't stop me from getting cancer.

The good news. The Lord pulled me through - not once, but twice. I am healed and that is enough for me. Cancer taught me way more than anything else in my life - so make no mistake - God has been good to me.

But I am scared, frustrated and unhappy not knowing what's next. Still I cling to my faith. He feeds the birds and dresses the flowers. We will be ok. Still my stomach hurts. Thanks for listening.

Prayers welcomed. :)

"So, What is Your Prognosis?"

“So, What is Your Prognosis?”
By Julie Graubard
April 14, 2009

The other day I was at the beach w/ my family and some family friends when the question came. “Julie, so what is your prognosis?” I’ve only ever heard the question a handful of times. Each time I’ve heard those words directed toward me I’ve felt like my heart would stop and my face would turn white. I would stumble over words for an answer to assure them I’m fine. What I really want to do is shout, “My prognosis is good! You didn’t know that? How could you even ask? How could you not know that? I’m fine! Just as fine as you are!” But instead I say, “Oh, good, quite good, I’ve been given a clean bill of health.” Following a question like that, I try desperately to make sure they know I’m ok. I’d be lying if I told you the conversation is over in my mind. The thoughts following the conversation stay w/ me in the pit of my stomach for days. The reality that I have had a disease which has left people w/ that question in their mind is disturbing to me. This brings home the harsh reality that I truly had been a very sick girl, one who has left people concerned for my well-being.

Despite how hard it is to hear this question, I’d rather people ask. The reality is not many people have the nerve to ask the question, but when they do I’m left with an unsettled feeling. Make no mistake I prefer people to ask the question to the many in my path who must be wondering about my prognosis even though they do not ask. For since they do not ask I do not know to answer them. I wonder do they sit around assuming I will always be sick or this horrible disease called cancer could take my life. Maybe I’m self-absorbed for thinking anyone is thinking about my family. But people are curious. And there are those who have prayed for us along the way. Some heard of our family through the kids’ school, others who see us at church each week watch my hair slowly grow back. I want to offer them my answer.

When something like cancer hits your family, you may recover; but your life has changed forever. In a way it is a good change. You are aware of your blessings like never before. It’s possibly a better way to live, but it also leaves you feeling different. My friend calls it “the other side of the street” – the feeling you get when your extreme circumstances make your life significantly different from others. It is like you are stuck on the other side of the street away from those walking the so-called normal path. Some refer to it as a “new” normal type of life. Me, I tend to just think I don’t fit. Period. At least not in the way I used to. If I’m to be politically correct I might refer to myself as differently-abled. I feel different from everyone else. While maybe I hyper perceive everyone seeing me as different, there are still many who do

For me, feeling like I no longer fit in shows its ugly face in many ways. One is how vulnerable my own body has become – like it has let me down in some way. Other times I’m angry others seem to me to be exempt from sickness and that I failed because it happened to me. We all feel exempt or invincible sometimes – why wouldn’t we when we’ve never experienced stuff such as cancer or loss of a spouse or a child or a tragedy along those line? But I assure you of this - once you’ve experienced one of these types of extreme vulnerabilities, you never go back to a normal life. You realize you are indeed vulnerable to life and what it throws at you. You ultimately have absolutely no control. Sure you can make wise choices and live a responsible life, a healthy life, but I assure you, it’s a fallen world and life will still happen. The only real control you do have is how you will respond. Will you turn to the Lord or go it alone?

That day at the beach, I answered my prognosis is good. But really, my prognosis is as good as anyone else’s. But do we all see that?

This brings to me my own question for everyone else. So, what is your prognosis? I mean, do you really know? Our days are numbered and no one really knows when the Lord will come and take us home. How do you answer? What is your prognosis?

An acquaintance who works in the front office at my boys’ school just lost her husband a few weeks ago. He was not sick. This woman, a kind woman who I would often stop and talk with & who seemed to adore Lilly was a bright spot in my day. Now suddenly she has been sent flying by a hurricane strength wind to the other side of the street as she became a widow. Her husband was flown from Grand Cayman Island to Miami, Florida in an emergency helicopter after being diagnosed w/ a stroke/blood clot and died within the week. This was a shock to the family. It was completely unexpected. Apparently his prognosis was not good, but no one knew that. No one would have asked. Certainly if I had met him I imagine it never would have crossed my mind to say, “So, what is your prognosis?” The question would sound absurd.

This is proof positive to me the one thing we can be sure of is whether or not we will choose to walk through life w/ Jesus by our side. Will we ask him into our life? You see I do know my prognosis is good in one way. We had a friend named Frank. Frank battled cancer himself. If you asked Frank how he was doing he’d say, “I’m good. I can’t lose. If God heals me . . . then I am blessed to stay here much longer to be with my friends and family. But if he takes me home to be with the Lord . . . than I am blessed.” Frank was right. He realized something we all should. With Jesus our prognosis is good.

I hope God let’s me live for many more years. Through the ups and downs this life on earth brings I continue to cling to Him, begging Him to draw me in closer. Like everyone else out there who knows Jesus, my prognosis is good. Excellent really. For I know the Lord, Jesus and with him by my side, leading me . . . I cannot lose.

I may be different, but it’s a good different. Cancer helped me to see that.

We have two great choices to make in life. Will we give our lives completely to the Lord? Yes or No. And if we do, will we follow his most important assignment. Will we lead others to Him? I ask you again . . . So, what is Your Prognosis?

A letter I wrote to our home church, the Vineyard Church of Clearwater

A letter I wrote to our home Church, Vineyard Church of Clearwater for their Talent Night where they showed off their God-given creativity as a form of Worship. My friend, Janet reported it was well attended w/ 60 guests as many attended as attend any church service and very interactive with many "gifts" presented. There were more than 20 persons presenting objects and about the same number doing stage things. I believer seeds were planted, they were planted indeed.

May, 2, 2009

Hi all,

I wish I could be with you in person for your talent night! For I know it will be a great event. So know that I am praying for you from a far. Praying the Lord will bless this event more than you even can imagine at the time of the event. That seeds will be planted to later be harvested.

Since I was unable to be there I am sending you my essay, “So, What is Your Prognosis?” I started writing it one day as I was journaling. Tonight I send you the finished, edited copy. But there is more to this essay then you will read. This essay became a part of a vision I kept having to have church by the sea. The event you prayed for just last weekend entitled, “Sharing from the Heart.”

Sharing from the Heart was an amazing event. We bought pizza & pop and brought my friend, Lisa, an amazing Worship Leader and held church facing out at the beautiful Caribbean Sea. As our guests looked up front at us they were also watching the sun setting behind us as we praised God and shared his Word. Amazing! Something only He could have created.

But there is more. It’s not a numbers game, but 40 people showed up. Our pizza and pop were like the loaves and the fishes as they multiplied leaving us w/ leftovers. People generously donated covering all our cost. But that’s not the important stuff either. The important stuff was the comments. We were able to pray for the lady in my essay who lost her husband just weeks before. A good friend of ours Mom, whom we adore, commented if we did this weekly she would attend. She stays home from church each week as her husband a strong believer goes. And most importantly of all. A co-worker of Scott’s showed up in his office this week to say, “I’m really close to giving my life to the Lord since I heard Julie’s testimony on Sunday.” Scott said, “Why wait, let’s do it now.” And there in his office at work she gave her life to the Lord. If that one life is why God gave me a Vision for this event, it was worth it. If this one life is why we were even sent to Grand Cayman, it was worth it.

So while I wish I could be there in person, I send my thoughts via an essay.

Enjoy & be blessed,

Julie Graubard
Running Towards the Goal - Phil. 3:12-16