Blessed, Blessed, Blessed

Feeling completely blessed today! And grateful beyond words.....yes, me, beyond words.....crazy! :)

The Blessing that is Greenville

With my favorite season and the spring weather right around the corner, I felt like it was time to reflect on how the Graubards faired this past winter. While I imagine I'll always have the Island Girl love for the beach in my blood, I can honestly say I've come to love Greenville, Pennsylvania. We all have really. And, dare I say it . . . even in the winter months.

Having grown up in a small town and then having spent twelve of my adult single years in one, it's no surprise I love the simple life found in the Borough of Greenville. Greenville is a reminder to me of all the basic things I love about life in a small town. I love it that people smile and recognize me when I walk through the local grocery store. I love that I can leave my car running as I jump out and run to the mailbox to drop a letter in. I love that neighbors truly care to stop and talk while out walking their dogs.

As I sit here and really rack my brain trying to think about what it is I might miss about living in a larger city, I am mostly at a loss. I mean, we have cultural life through Thiel College, we have a Walmart, we have amazing churches reaching the lost. We have great coffee and restaurants. The only thing I can think to say we've lived near in the past but do not have in the borough is the convenience of a mall, but I'm not really a mall kind of girl. Okay, maybe a movie theater would be nice. Yes, a small town dollar movie theater would be nice. There.

On the other hand as I reflect on what has made life in this particular small town of Greenville a blessing many specific things come to mind. Like Marty and Martha owners of Fresh Grounds Coffee Shop downtown, who are giving people of all ages a great place to hang out and even allow us to use space for a weekly Bible Study. Oh and I can't forget Ben at Fresh Grounds who sees us and says, "Hey, I just brewed a new pot of decaf when I saw you coming." Perhaps it's the fact you know the people who fix your cars, which comes in handy for a family with second hand cars. The first time we took our car to one location, when asked how much it would cost, the man said, "You look trustworthy, so just pay me when you can." Or when you pull up to Aldi without a quarter to get a cart your pastor's wife happens to be there, too, and hands you one. But I feel certain even if she had not been there I have no doubt someone would have given us their cart foregoing their own quarter that comes back at cart return time. And beautiful Riverside Park where we like to run, walk and play. When family or friends visit I insist they see our park.

I mentioned even this winter I enjoyed myself. Of course my kids love it. Both my 3 and 9 year olds each made their first snow angels ever in Greenville. Scott and I are right there in the snow playing, too. I mean, have you ever been pulled on a sled by a four-wheeler! I've yet to figure out the right snow to make a snowman, but we'll get it eventually. I'm not going to tell you winter is or may ever be my favorite season, but I am happy to report, it's been an okay winter.

We have a wonderful church family in Bethel Life Worship Center, a church that is doing the stuff and reaching outside their walls to people in the community to make a difference in lives with the Love of Christ in practical ways. We also are involved in ministry with Thiel College Students. Oh and can we send out a big "Thank You" to Thiel College for community use of the Dome this winter! The schools are good with caring teachers where my kids are truly happy. Oh and I, a cancer survivor, who is very careful with selection of medical care, has been quite happy with my medical treatment in Greenville and the connections to UPMC in Pittsburgh a driving distance away. But most importantly we love the people. The people are warm and friendly. Last but not least we are finally within driving distance of my family and our daughter Megan who is at Slippery Rock. Life is sweet.

I could go on and on about all the things that make Greenville great. I won't pretend we've had no difficult times adjusting here, and certainly we are hopeful the town will come out of it's difficult financial times. Still the blessings are far and above the hard times. Yes, we love it here. God's love is evident all over.

Thank you Greenville for welcoming us with open arms. But even more importantly, thank you God for bringing us here. You always seem to know what's best for us and where we belong.

Praising Him,

Julie & Scott & Crew

"Running towards the Goal" - Phil. 3:12-16

The Gospel according to Lilly

Funny Lilly stories come all the time. I thought I'd share this as I wrote it to my friend in a message.

One of Lilly's Sunday school teacher's LB was really excited that a year ago she had taught on Hannah and Samual and this year when she began teaching it again, Lilly remembered the story and told LB the story back. So LB is soooo proud her teaching is getting through . . . at least to the smart Chinese kids in the class like our Lillybean.

So the other night we're riding in the car and Lilly says, "I can tell you about Hannah. LB says I tell it real good. Hannah asked God for a baby. And God gave her the baby Samual. And Hannah gave Samual back to God . . . " We're like, ah-ha, ah-ha. And then suddenly she goes. "Then God left the baby Samual. Then the baby Samual started crying." Scott and I were listening intently and then I thought to myself, what that didn't happen. So suddenly I said out loud, "Wait! That didn't happen. Lilly are you making stuff up now?" She got a smirk on her face and said, "yes." and then giggled.

Lilly may have ended her sharing with us in a silly way. Perhaps she was just trying to complete the story on her own. Perhaps she was being funny, which is what I think. But either way . . . beautiful that she even cares to share it. Beautiful.

Ho Ho Ho . . . Christmas 2010

Ho Ho Ho . . .

Can you hear it? We did and often coming from a 3 year old little voice made as low as she possible could pull off. Yes, Lilly, was very aware of Christmas this year and more accurately of the presents.

Christmas time was a tish bit crazier than usual around here. We chose December as moving month. No, we haven't left Greenville, PA, but we did move about a ½ mile down the road to a 4 bedroom house, giving each child a room to call their own in lower campus area of Thiel College.

Scott is Public Service Director for Greenville Borough bringing home the bacon, but also had a position teaching a course at Thiel this past semester. He loves teaching on the college level and hopes to find more opportunities in the future. I hope so, too. I often quote, “happy wife, happy life,” but truly, “happy husband leads to happy wife, which leads to happy life,” so oh, how I hope teaching gigs continue as he's a great teacher and a happy one. Both Scott and I are involved in Campus Ministry through an organization called CCO (Coalition for Christian Outreach) Campus Ministries. Scott is currently working towards his PhD at Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh. He also made a trip overseas with his buddy, Jeff, on a mission trip to Lima, Peru and is moments closer to being accepted as a Chaplain in the Army,

David (24) was in this year for a brief visit before Christmas. Our time with him was short, but sweet. He currently holds down a full-time grown-up job, while also pursuing a bachelors degree. Having made a switch from Navy to Air Force he continues to be in the National Guard.

Megan (19) is a freshman at nearby Slippery Rock University, working towards a degree in Math Secondary Education. She loves Slippery Rock and we love having her so near. Spending several a long weekend with us, she and Lilly have become tight as sisters need to be in this sea of boys. Oh, and Megan had a 4.0 her first semester! So proud of her!

Josh (17) is a senior! Joining the military ranks in this family, he signed on with the Army National Guard with an early sign-on bonus for doing it his senior year of high school. When he comes home in his uniform from Guard Weekends, it blows us away. Crazy! He'll leave for boot camp in June after graduation. Currently on winter break from Dairy Queen employment, his favorite pastime is hanging out with Asians. You'll have to ask him about that yourself.

Jesse (9) entered 4th grade which means he's in middle school. He continues to get good reports academically, like his recent 4.0 (Yay Jesse!), as well as on being well-behaved and friend to all. When soccer season hit this past year, he declared to cousins, friends, and coaches, that he's an International player since he played in the Cayman Islands. Well, he does have a point. He did play internationally.

Lilly (3) is officially a US Citizen as of this past week! Completely aware of Santa this year, weeks before Christmas, she announced, “Mommy, maybe if we go to bed, Santa will come!” Very concerned with staying off Santa's Bad List (a valid concern), she asked 2 days before “Is there still time to make the Good List?” She had it covered. She was going to write Santa a letter if it wasn't looking good. Scott congratulated me for doing my mothering job well, the morning he woke her and she said, “Just five more minutes of sleep.” Yep, that's my girl. Lilly loves Sunday school friends, napping with daddy, baking with mommy, watching television with Jesse and being sarcastic with Josh. Keeping all of us on our toes always, she makes me tired and laugh all at the same time. Lilly equals joy!

In addition to happy homemaker and CCO ministry, I volunteer 2 days a week in the office of our church, Bethel Life. My most exciting adventure this year was a short-term mission trip to Quito, Ecuador! Amazing ministry touched my heart. And in spite of what you hear, I only spilled one bowl of soup on a little girl and did not cause a country plumbing incident by continually mistakenly flushing toilet paper. I did, however, apparently talk a lot. And yes, I'm still working towards completion of a book about our life, but no, I did not meet my self-imposed deadline to be done editing completely by December 31st. Still I press on and hope to complete it this coming year. I remind myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” - Phil. 4:13 (NKJV) And so can you.

A late but Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all!

Blessings & Love,

The Graubards

Julie's Chat with God

I mentioned in my last blog how I have a history of anxiety. Not debilitating panic attack anxiety, but I assure you it's real. It all began, immediately following my complete hysterectomy 4 years ago at which time doctors assured me menopause would come fast and hard. Since then I've dealt with anxious legs (picture wanting to kick a hole in the couch for relief, the month or two immediately following the surgery) to feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin prior to a hot flash (which then goes away immediately), to the one that bothers me the most the "I have so much to do I can't do anything" anxious heart that comes when I stress myself out. I've been told some of this is probably medication related due to an anti-estrogen medicine I take to keep me anti-breast cancer, some of it is menopausal hormones and quite honestly (and I think primarily) it's Julie's love to stress personality.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas activity approaching, a self-imposed December 31, 2010 deadline to finish a book, and a need to pack for a move down the road in the middle of December in an organized fashion for my own sanity, for days last week I found myself unable to perform any of my responsibilites. I would sit in my chair staring at my computer or the television or I'd try to nap; all techniques I use to escape my duties. I did all of this while also trying not to climb through my skin, because I knew fully it was all ridiculous and had to stop causing me this undo stress. My normal routine when feeling this way is to call a friend to chat it out and to ask them to pray. Or to call Scott and ask him to kindly tell me to knock it off or hug me. But one day last week was different. I decided I wanted to meet anxiety head on and deal with it, to get right in the middle of it instead of running from it. So when Scott got home and suddenly found he could not go on a walk/run with me for one of us needed to stay back with the kids, I left on a walk of my own with my thoughts to deal with.

I went for that walk at which time tired of anxiety having its way with me, I decided to have a conversation with God. And here's how it went:

I said to God, "Why do I have anxiety and often? I want to know so I can change what's at the root of it and face it head on."

And I heard this in my spirit, "Submit."

So like the Julie I am who always pushes it further, I said, "But I do submit! I know I don't always get my way, but You do always get Yours. I get that."

And that's when I got it for I heard, "No, Submit."

I realized it's like this. Just because we listen to our parent and do as they ask it doesn't mean we always agree with them. It seems I tend to do the same thing with God sometimes. Especially when I see people hurting and don't understand His whole plan or where He's going with something by allowing it. This helped me to see myself in a new light and to see things a little differently than I had been.

If you question if anxiety is real in people, than you've never experienced it, because I assure you it's real, but I also assure you . . . God can help you through it. Anyone who knows me knows I'm all for medical help and medicines for I see them as some of God's lifeboats He sends our way. But I also say, Cling to the Lord as I do and ask for His help.

My suggestion, don't say, "Please take my problem from me." Rather say, "Please take my problem and also take me to the source of the problem and deal with that in me, too." Oh, the burden that is lifted is completely worth it. I personally don't think you can say, "Lord, lift my high cholesterol" while drinking a glass of crisco oil. I think we play a part in honoring Him. When we accept His gifts of healing us while knowing full well it can happen again if we don't make some changes ourselves, are we really honoring his gift. I say, ask Him to help you to learn how to fish. He loves you and wants the best for you.

Love Julie, who since chatting with God about anxiety and the source of that anxiety has packed several organized boxes, exercised and even done some good editing.

Be Anxious about Nothing . . . Not Even the Hot Flash

Be anxious about nothing. I know that's Biblical and I really need to press into scripture with the anxiousness of which I'm referring, that which comes with the approach of a hot flash. If you've never experienced a hot flash then you might think, "Oh, yes, the hot flash. My mom had those. She'd freeze the rest of us out of house and home by opening the windows in the middle of winter. And sometimes she'd go into a compulsive fanning of herself to cool off. Yes, I'm familiar." I'm here to report. No, no, you are not familiar.

The hot flash in and of itself is not horrible. Sure it's no fun to be in an airconditioned building all dressed up yet all of a sudden you find yourself sweating out of nowhere. But that's not what I dislike. In fact my sister actually likes the hot flash for it warms her normally freezing self up. Silly sister.

No, what I struggle with is the anxious feeling that comes right before the hot flash, thus compelling me into wanting to yell to all who will listen "Do not come near me . . . get away! Come on hot flash, so this feeling goes away!"

And that is your lesson on hot flashes. If you're ever near me and I start shooing you away, please don't take it personal. It's simply anxiety hitting me as the hot flash approaches. You're annoying to me even though you don't deserve it. Just step away and pray for me. Pray the hot flash hits, so the anxiety goes away. For once the hot flash hits, I may be a little sweaty for a moment, but I can handle you being near again . . . as long as you don't laugh at me. Oh yeah, just yesterday I told you we should laugh more. Ok, then laugh. For if I'm beyond the anxiety and in full out hot flash, I'm not likely to throw a shoe at you. Rather I'll have my fan out like a sweet southern girl fanning herself of the heat.

And remind me of one of my favorite scriptures:

"Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

Thanks for laughing with me. I needed it. :)

Laugh More

Realizing I don't laugh enough these days . . . will be working on that. Do you ever notice that about yourself. I've noticed lately as the weather has been getting cooler I haven't been laughing as much, but rather have been taking myself too seriously. Note to self, see how many times I mentioned "I" . . . could be some of the problem. Tonight I read the blog two of my friends started which they call "Bittertrain." I tell you I was giggling myself silly. So here's my advice. Take time to laugh more often. I think if my focus is on me at all, it should be to laugh at myself more. I promise you life is so much sweeter when you're laughing instead of whining. Laughing.

Quito Mission Trip . . . August 8 & 9

Shuffling Off to Quito, Ecuador – Day 1, Sunday, June 8

Well, it's finally happening. We are finally heading to Quito, Ecuador, a much anticipated Short-term mission trip with my church, Bethel Life Worship Center.

Seems like just yesterday we were all praying and finding our own way to this particular trip. For me, it was a heart for missions which started to grow more and more with each trip Scott made to South and Central American in the last ten years. I used to call myself the praying wife who prayed him up as he headed out to Peru, Guatemala, Venezuela and Costa Rica. I'd stay home, hold down the fort, take care of the kids and promise to put a dog or two to sleep for bad behavior if needed. But after a long-term mission stint in Grand Cayman of the Cayman Islands, my heart for the world grew and I knew I head to get out there and see the world, how it lives and touch lives with the Word. With this in mind, early on at Bethel Life, I learned of the trip to Quito. After talking to my friends Kris and Denise at Bethel Life, there was no turning back. I was destined to Quito, Ecuador Summer 2010. And here I am sitting on a bus on my way while my husband stays home, holding down the fort, hopefully not threatening to put down a dog or two.

We all have a story like this that lead us here. Tammi, got the bug, too, while her husband Rodney felt it was a call for her he would support and cheer on. Tish, she came all the way from Texas to fly to Quito after what sounds like countless encouraging talks w/ her friend, Andrew. Tara and her mother, both nurses, caught the bug, too. It was Tara's mother who declared she was nervous early on, but then just 2 days ago as we prepared to go, she said, “If I didn't even go on the trip at this point, I've already gotten so much out of it.” Well, said, I'd agree.

Anyone who knows me personally knows I am always eager to talk, share the Lord's Word and rarely show nerves where that is concerned. Yet it has been through fasting and praying and praying some more, I've realized how very nervous I am. It's a big job, spreading God's Word. Will I do it correctly? Will my silly personality translate or will they look at me strangely? Will they understand me even with a translator? I mean, come on, even my husband thinks I speak another language sometimes. . What if I confuse someone and they don't get the proper seeds planted as a result? Well, guess what? Perhaps that's part of the point. I'm not the lead in this dance. I'm simply one part of the whole dance, The best part is I don't have to lead. He'll lead and hopefully keep me from stepping on other dancers toes, but even if I do, with a praying heart filled with His grace, He'll continue to lead me and all I have to do is listen for His voice and follow Him, and share His love.

So tonight some with tears in their eyes, others like me saw an opportunity for a nap on a bus are headed to New York City where we will catch a plane for Quito, Ecuador by way of a layover in Costa Rica. No, Tammi, you don't need to fly the plane, just sit back and relax. Relax and as for that anxiety about flying . . . Stop it!

The bus ride is funny. Personalities are coming out. Lot's of headphones on listening to Ipods or as I lovingly refer to them walkmans. Me, I have on my 2005 birthday present, an MP3 player, playing over and over 10 songs Scott put on for me initially. I'm listening to the music, while I sit and write. Kris and Kendrick are watching “Mall Cop” on an Ipod while laughing a lot. I asked “Kris, do you have a headset on?” Why you ask . . . she said much louder than I believe she could have realized, I'm eating a hershey kiss with “CARMEL.” More laughter. Oh and while we're on food. I'm loving Crystal's Grandpa for the cookies. And enjoyed getting to know my new friend Brenda, Crystal's mother as we shared days of packing stories. Pastor Kent has walked up and down the aisles tending to his flock several times. I overheard Angie read a Bible Verse to Summer out of Daniel about following the Lord whether He showed up or not to bring the 3 men out of the firey furnace they were put in for following their faith and bowing down to no other God. A great reminder as we head out.. And snacking. Lots snacking going on from carrots to cookies. But I think Jared is my favorite to watch. At 10 he is the youngest player on the trip, bu t I sense may have the greatest potential to touch Ecuador with his innocent face and faith. I can't wait to see what God has in store for not only Jared, but for each of us.

Thanks for following us. I'm off to get my rest for I feel God has a great journey that is already unraveling as we head to New York.

A Bit about Tithing . . .

Today I read in my daily devotion about the tithe. I know, I know . . . nobody wants to talk about the tithe. "All our Pastor or our Priest talks about is the tithe. Not Julie, too. I hate those guilt sermons." Well, I thought I'd do your Pastors and Priests a favor and explain something that just spoke to my heart. And If you know me at all you know I'm not a legalist. I don't think you're going to Hell if you don't tithe, but I am going to suggest some stuff you might want to think about. Stuff I, too, shall continue to think about and let set deeply in my heart. Here's a section out of the devotion that struck me as really important to ponder:

Abraham paid tithes six hundred years before the law (see Genesis 14:20), then Jesus endorsed it saying we "ought to tithe (see Matthew 23:23), and the writer to the Hebrews confirmed that it's still God's plan (see Hebrews 7:4-5). As believers, we are the spiritual seed of Abraham, and as such, his blessings have been promised to us (see Galations 3:14) But if you want what Abraham had, you've got to do what Abraham did - and he was the first man in Scripture to tithe! Giving God the first tenth of your income makes Him number one in your priorities. His Word says, "'Bring the whole tithe . . . Test me in this,'. . . 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing, that you will not have room enough for it.'" (Malachi 3:10 New International Version (NIV)). Do you want to walk in God's blessing? Be a tither!

Upon reading that here are some thoughts. Nobody wants to hear the sermon called "You Need to Tithe." Especially if you go to a church that doesn't let you bring your cup of coffee in with you. Even people who feel strongly they should tithe have obstacles to this. The first reasons many give who actually want to tithe but at the moment are not, "I want to tithe, but I don't have enough money to do so. I have a car payment. I have a house payment. I don't make enough money at my job." And the really guilt ridden might even say, "I'd love to do it, perhaps my family can eat less." Well, guess what? I have often thought just the same. Only if I'm honest sometimes I get annoyed that if we are out of money the first thing to go is my hair highlighting habit. I told you I'm honest.

Listen, it's hard to come up with the money. But I think perhaps this is where my thinking has been faulty. I think often our thinking is God gets what's leftover. Of course, He does. Why? Because He's not sending us notices saying if we don't pay He'll take His love back. As a result like the child who is the most quiet and best behaved in the room gets overlooked in the needing attention department. Be honest. Right? We pay for our cars and our houses so they're not taken away, but with Jesus, once you receive Him into your heart, He won't disown you. Isn't that even more reason to be loyal to Him and His flock. Don't let Him slide as a priority. Our kids can't fire us, so it's okay to ignore them, right? Wrong? We wouldn't do that would we. Well, maybe. :)

Just a thought about how to go about fixing this. If we paid our tithe first because it was a top priority, we would never miss a payment. It would be up there with our other budgeted items like our house, our groceries and our car payments. After all those payments were made then we would do the extras like buying a frappe at Starbucks or even just a cup of coffee at the local mini-market. The leftover money would not go to the tithe, rather it would be what paid for those new sketcher shoes and yes, those highlights for your hair. Oh shoot, there I go down a rabbit trail thinking about myself again. Sorry.

And I'm not as oblivious as I often seem, I know some people are strapped even more than I suggested above. I realize there are people in debt and struggling to even buy groceries and keep a roof over their heads. But I promise you, He will take care of you. He will. I could give you countless examples. Find a church you can fellowship in. One where you will find love and support as you climb this burden of a financial mountain. I'm not suggesting you go ask for a handout. I'm suggesting you go and ask them to help you by suggesting a financial class or counseling to help you. Don't keep living with your head just above water. Go for help. Their are wise people to talk to where money is concerned. Please don't call me. I said, wise people where money is concerned. But there really are wise people who can help, I've seen people turn their financial situation around time and time again. You say, no, Julie, you have no idea how bad our situation is. Perhaps not, but the Lord does. It's not easy, but it can be done and with it brings Freedom.

Please don't feel guilty today about this. Guilt is not from God. But do pray about this and give it some thought. At the the very least get your best pensive look on your face and think about it a tish bit.

Thanks for listening to this Island Girl who's landlocked with thoughts I wanted to share with you . . .

Vote for Old Paint my friends!

Merry Christmas a little late!

We had a White Christmas . . . Christmas 2009

And what a joyous Christmas Season it was for us as we made our way back to Western Pennsylvania just in time for Thanksgiving. After almost 8 years away finally we were near family for the holidays. It wasn’t a short road getting here, rather had lots of stops along the way, but we are home and we’re warm even w/ the snow we see daily.

It seemed it was time to come home after 2 good years in Grand Cayman. We made friends from all over the world and got to see God at work. While it’s nice to be back, Scott and I are forever grateful to the Lord for placing us in Grand Cayman for a season.

One by one we departed the Island. Good-bye Island life! First out was Lucy, shipped back in April to Ohio w/ my friend, Lynne, who almost forgot her at the airport. Lucy actually did go to live on a farm in the country! Josh left in June for time in Pennsylvania & Florida followed closely by Jesse, Lilly & I. After an eventful flight, w/ a sick Jesse and a cranky Lilly, or was it a cranky Julie, we made it safe and sound to Pittsburgh where my Mom, Aunt, Uncle and cousins were eagerly awaiting our arrival. Scott and Garbo were last to leave, Garbo tucked under Scott’s seat on the plane – only escaping once when the flight attendant wanted a look-sy and unzipped her carrier. Oops! Finally after stays in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida we all met up together in Florida. Next we planted ourselves temporarily in Ada, Ohio thus reuniting w/ Lucy again. Family complete. We determined to stay in Ohio where we’d wait for what was next. God was so faithful even giving Scott an opportunity to work as a visiting Engineering Professor at my alma mater, Ohio Northern University, of all things. It was a long crazy summer, but we made it! And ah, the journey!

After a long time of living out of suitcases and boxes, God finally placed us right in my family’s backyard of Western Pennsylvania in Greenville where Scott has taken the position of Public Service Director for the Borough. When we left for Grand Cayman, I said to my Mom, who knows, maybe when we return we’ll end up living near you. And so it is. While I miss Florida and Grand Cayman for the great friends and the sunshine we left behind, I cannot tell you how much this feels like home to us all - most importantly because for the first time ever we had all five kids with us under one roof Christmas morning.

David’s busy, working full-time, going to college at the University of Phoenix online, and in the Navy Reserves. He was a welcome addition to the kitchen always being a better and more relaxed cook than I. Megan’s doing well, fourth in standing in her senior class with several applications out for college and a goal to be a teacher. We look forward to seeing what the next year brings for her. Christmas was special as it was the first time sisters, Lilly and Megan met. Truly Lilly stole Megan’s heart and she stole Lilly’s. A great big sister, Megan got her ear talked off by a very happy Jesse, too. It felt so good to see her.

Josh, Jesse & Lilly are my heroes. Both boys have been troopers. Starting school in Ada and then transferring to Greenville would have been a big deal to me as a kid, but they did it effortlessly. Josh is a junior and Jesse is in 3rd grade. Jesse & Lilly are happy to live closer to Gramma Kay, or Gramma Candy as Lilly refers to her, and their cousins whom they love. Josh is blessed by finally living closer to his Mom & siblings. This year Josh started taking flying lessons. He can’t drive yet, but he’s flying. Hmmm. Lilly proved quite resilient simply saying “my new house” each time we moved this summer. She is still quite close to Josh, who I’ve threatened will be taking her to college w/ him if he keeps teaching her silly tricks. Jesse has embraced life as a big brother, mostly enjoying it and her silliness. Jesse’s greatest accomplishment this year was making a snow angel for the first time ever!

Scott is due to finish his Master’s in Divinity very soon, was ordained this year by an evangelical ministerial association, and is hopeful to reach his goal of becoming a Chaplin in the Army in the near future. With a heart that continues to grow in mission work, he heads out w/ his buddy, Jeff, to Peru for another trip soon and is already spotting God shaped holes for us to fill in ministry in our new church, Bethel Life Worship Center. A church loved by us all. They’re doing the stuff and getting outside the doors. Mostly I am mommying, but when I’m not mommying I’m busy working on a book I hope to have published by 2010. Mostly I see it my job to just keep spreading His Word for He’s been quite good to us.

I hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas season and as always our doors are open waiting for a visit from you & yours. Peace & Blessings this New Year!

Love, the Graubards

A new blog for the Island Girl

Hi all,

If you are a loyal follower of Island Girl, you might want to check out my new blog Ho Ho's a Go Go. It's my adventures at praying more, eating healthier, and getting back in shape. Enjoy!

Blessings,

Julie

And all I got was this t-shirt

Do you ever feel that way? Like you want to be on vacation, having a swell old time walking the beach or whatever it is that vacation looks like to you, yet you feel like you only got the t-shirt. The reminder of what a great vacation spot you're missing out on. I've felt that lately. And make no mistake, I am blessed. Blessed beyond reason. But still, I'm human and more specifically have a flair for the dramatic, so sometimes when life is just day to day routine, something I personally should be excited about, I get a bit of the blahs.

Today I got one of those forward emails meant to remind you God is in all things. I'm not one for those emails, but I know people mean well when they send them. And often times they know I love Jesus, so they feel I'm a safe person to send them. But that said there I go judging as I know they do speak to some people more than they do to me. I suppose I just prefer to know Him on a more personal basis. I prefer Him in my day to day life thinking of Him, my BFF, on and off all the time for it is from He who I draw my joy.

All this said, today I got one of those emails. While it is very nice and very insiteful - I laughed when I read the first part of it. The email went something like this. "I asked God for a flower and a butterfly" written on top of a picture of a beautiful flower w/ a butterfly nearby. The next frame read "And he gave me this cactus." I laughed out loud. For we've all been there. Of course, the email went on to say, the cactus sprouted a beautiful flower and the catepillar also received became a gorgeous butterfly, so trust God for He knows what He's doing. All true for I do know God gives us His best. Still when you feel like life is beating you down, you know what it feels like to get the cactus when you want the beautiful water of a beach somewhere in the midst of winter. Maybe I'm taking this too personally in the midst of my first real winter back up North. :)

Fortunately I still have my sense of humor. And like I said mundane in the Graubard household is not such a bad thing.

Life isn't always a parade . . . nor is it a hurricane . . . I suppose thankfully . . . for it is in these times I think perhaps "this girl" grows the most. It is during these times where I get the "life is too good to be true" fears that are simply not from the Lord. Worry takes you nowhere, my friends . . . turn it all over to the Big Guy upstairs. He's in the business of showing you how cactuses are really flowers in disguise.

As always . . . thanks for listening.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Nobody said it would be easy . . .

God never said it would be easy here on earth . . . well, he planned it to be at one time when He originally made us in His likeness . . . but then one bite out of that fruit and we fell away from all He had for us via sin. Not everyone understands that . . . for it's quoted all the time as an ok ticket to sin . . . "well, He made us in His likeness." Yes, true, but then we fell from that glory. But take heart - there is good news in spite of ourselves. He did say He's there and He'll walk through stuff with us . . . both the good and the bad and the indifferent stuff. He's there. And while we fell from being like Him due to our sin natures . . . the good news - and you knew I'd say it because there's always good news . . . He did make a way for us to reconcile with Him and that's just cool if you ask me. Can you tell I'm a little pensive today. You see this week I've been struggling to find a balance in today's world. It's about being passionate about stuff. Everyone who knows me knows I'm passionate. But the question is: How passionate should you be? Because if you're passionate . . . you will be attacked for it by one group or another.

My joke this week is - did you know when you have had one mastectomy and still have to go for a mammogram on the remaining side - you still pay for the double mammogram . . . life isn't fair . . . get used to it. :) We all struggle with this thought in one way or another. We all naturally want our way. The cheapest way, the easiest way, the why do I have to go through this why can't it be simple way. But it's not up to us. And I assure you . . . there is an easy way, but don't confuse that with it's going to be our way.

Today in the USA it seems if you're passionate about anything - be prepared. There will be a group that brings you smacked down to your knees in a fight telling you you're wrong. Especially if your passionate about it and it's not politically correct. A common thought is - you're close minded and wrong. Period. But make no mistakes both conservatives and liberals act this way. Just watch the news one night if you think I'm wrong. When you stand up for what you believe it's not going to be accepted like - well, that's what you believe, ok, I can live w/ that and love you anyway . . . it's more of an in your face you're wrong that you'll most likely hear. That hurts. I love being a Christian. But I hate what people think being a Christian equals. I'll tell you what it means. Being a Christian means you Love the Lord, the Trinity w/ all your heart. It means you see the Bible as the whole truth and nothing but the truth - not just some of it - but all of it. It means you want to be in relationship with Him - you pray to, want to be close to and like dreaming about how cool Jesus is. But it's more than that. I couldn't possibly cover it all. But it means - you recognize we all sin - it's man who measures how big the sins are. The Lord sees sin as sin. Period. So if you've ever treated someone unkindly - you too, are a sinner just like the adulterer. It's our very nature since the fall. So Christians are simply sinners who are continually turning their back on sin. Do we fall short? Sometimes, of course. But we pick up on the road where we left off and continue going forward. Yes. I do question if you are a Christian, truly a Christian if you do not desire to turn from sin, but that's between you and God. Not you and Julie.

And I know about sinning first hand and having to stop those desires. Maybe at this point you think my sins are goofy, but they're sin nevertheless. They are the things that hurt people to their core. I joke about everything under the sun and sometimes I must stop the joke for I know it's wrong. My spirit tells me its wrong. And so I stop in spite of the desire to get the laugh. I know it when I throw hate towards my husband because I think I'm right and he's wrong. During those times I stop in my tracks and pray, "Lord, give me the strength to show love here, because you know I'm struggling to see him as You see him." I'm human. But I try to live my life Running toward the Goal:

Running toward the Goal - Philippians 3:12-16 (Contemporary English Version)
12I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. 13My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. 14I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. 15All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you. 16But we must keep going in the direction that we are now headed.

I strive to grow closer and closer to being just like Jesus all the time. He's not trying to change my personality, He's trying to refine me. For instance, me, I believe Jesus was sarcastic. Just look at some of His interaction w/ Peter, who I so relate to. Jesus totally hung out w/ societies so called bad guys, he didn't stay in his safe group of people who were just like Him. He made people feel good about themselves as they turned from sin. My husband said - He didn't go up to the woman at the well and say, "Hey, slut, can I have a glass of water." No, he showed her love in spite of knowing about her lifestyle and her shunning from society as a result. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love not just the easy to love, but the ones who feel they're unlovable, too.

Anyway, It breaks my heart that people think Christian equals hate of different groups of people. And believe me - I know why they feel that way - there are Christians who in trying to get their point across show hate not love. It's a hard balance. It's passion - I have something - I am so joyful that I have it - I want you to have it, too. Like ice cream . . . only better. :) But in that pursuit we hurt people. I remember once a friend calling me out for telling her I prayed for her and that surely she was smart enough to understand there can only be one truth. Believe what you want - but believe it with all your heart. And I hurt her. And it hurt me, too. It still hurts that I hurt her, because I meant well, but I understand why that was hurtful. In my eagerness to share what I'd found I was too in her face. Our walks w/ the Lord are personal and we need to find our way on our own. Plant some seeds of why you're joyful, but sometimes you have to leave well enough alone and let people walk their own walk to finding Him or not, it's there choice. As is the case with whatever it is you're passionate about. If you love something - admit it - at one time or another you may have passionately told someone they were small minded because they didn't believe what you did.

All this said - it's more difficult today then ever before to live in the USA, as a true believer in Christ. Jesus has slowly lost the center of the country. In God we Trust seems to be just words these days. I know, because I lived in a Christian Country where people said to each other - I'm praying for you and people loved it and fell to their knees hoping you'd do it some more. They didn't understand all people could pray - yet looked for strong believers and leaders to do it for them, but they were not offended and as a country were fighting laws that would take God out of their country. Laws which had been accepted in Great Brittain, of which they are a territory, and the USA, which they so relate to.

However, in Grand Cayman I learned to be more tolerant of difference as a whole. How to be loving towards people who rubbed you the wrong way truly by mistake. Scott can tell you numerous funny stories of how passive-aggressive I would become over what I'd see as insults when really they were just cultural differences. You see there were truly people from all over the world in Cayman and so we saw huge differences in how people interacted acceptably. The questions I received looking back seemed like they came from a child - they were so innocent. Questions and statements like . . . "hey, look at you! you gained weight!" "who's your daughter's real mother? No, really, her real mother." "Why would you adopt a baby instead of having your own?" "I'm going to borrow your computer tonight." "I want to borrow your grill and I need your charcoal and lighter fluid, too." But you learn people are different and it's ok. It's ok. If you think it's funny seeing an American's expression after such comments, you really should have seen a Brittish face. Stoic as they are. My favorite comment coming from one of my best Jamaican friends. She looked at the Governor (equivalent to the President here), a Brittish man, and said, "Governor, you must love the Cayman food, you've put on a lot of weight around the middle!" And then she laughed her Jamaican robust laugh. And he looked at her w/ his very straight trying to smile politely Brittish expression saying "um, yes, I suppose." Difference at it's funniest. I learned to walk up to people and say, "Your butt looks bigger! Hurrah! Did you eat too much?!" OK, maybe not, but I learned from my Jamaican housekeeper daily to take things as they were said and not personally. It was a hard lesson on my "try desperately not to offend be polite" personality.

But back to my passion. I love Jesus. I love the Holy Spirit. And I love God the Father w/ all my heart. I Adore the whole Trinity. He healed me from breast cancer not once, but twice! He took my father home and healed him just in time so he would not have to suffer more here w/ a return of lung cancer. He brought me my children. My husband. He got us through some really, really hard stuff. And he was right there - even when I sulked and was mad. Even then I knew He had joy to give me if I would only reach out and grab hold of it. "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!" And sometimes I turned my back on Him like an angry child saying "I love you Lord, but I'm mad at you. I hate cancer. Can't you do the miracle cure instead of the go through chemo and using doctors to heal me cure. You want me to have a what? A testimony? A greater compassion for those also hurting? OK, I give." In all my happiness in all my pain, He's always been there - I'm the one who blocked Him and everyone else out when I was scared and wanted to be alone. He was always there wanting to hold my hand. In times like those ultimately like that angry child I slowly let a smile go back on my face and through it all mad or not, I've learned I want to Praise Him no matter what! For He owes me nothing - yet He gave me it all.

I love Him. I'm sorry if you read this and don't believe in the Bible or believe in the Lord like I do and therefore take offense. But I assure you in spite of our differences . . . I love you and I am sorry you hurt for whatever you hurt in, too. Of course, I see there only being one truth for there can only be one truth - truth is truth. But that doesn't mean - I don't respect your decision not to agree with me. I wish you a good life. And I'm here for you should you ever want to know what it is that keeps Julie driving on not just in good and bad times, but in the indifferent times which for my personality are often the hardet times of all. They wear me out. I'm here for you. But please don't ask me not to be passionate about my beliefs. For it is when I lose my passion that I feel I'm letting Him down.

Thank you Jesus for loving me in spite of the fact that I'm still human and have made many mistakes. Thank you that each day the burden I carry grows lighter for you continually take it from my arms and say - be joyful my child. I love You. :)

His only assignment to me . . . Love Him and Love my neighbors. And even more importantly His newest command revealed in John - to Love people like He loves them. I call myself a Christian. And so I'm going to try my best, lean on His spirit for help and keep on keeping His assignment. I love you my neighbor, truly I do.

Super Hero or Super Freak? You be the Judge

I headed to Florida this week. As many of you know many of my doctors are in Florida. Not only my oncology team, but also my plastic surgeon. Let me assure you - once you've found a good plastic surgeon - you stay w/ that plastic surgeon. He becomes your lifelong friend. Some people have lawyers on retainer, I think I shall keep a plastic surgeon there. In other words you can be sure I will not be the one casting stones at Kate Gosselin.

Well, I've arrived in Florida and after pre-op and my oncology check-ups today I'm ready to proceed friday with surgery. It is my second of 3 surgeries I must go through to complete my breast reconstruction. I'm no stranger to this as you know I went through this same process in 2006 on the other side, but still surgery is surgery and it always leaves me a little uneasy as I approach it. You know the stuff. Fearful I'll forget to pack my goofy after surgery shirts. Sexy. Fearful I'll admit something else inappropriately while dozing into or out of anestesia. Fearful the kids will need their favorite pajamas or snack or something that I forgot to leave them prior to my trip. Fearful the hotel won't have TLC on the TV. Fearful, fearful, fearful, cause when I want to be . . . I'm a freak of fears. But my biggest one I had coming into this surgery was that I'll get the silly swine flu from the stale air on my flight down to Florida.

It's a legitimate fear. Both Jesse & I individually but on different dates the week following our flights to Pittsburgh from Grand Cayman ended up in the emergency room diagnosed w/ the flu. Now they don't tell you if it's the swine flu or not. And it really doesn't matter as the flu is the flu and my main concern here is it could keep me from surgery. So Tuesday, I faced my fears head on and jumped on a plane where the flu risk - swine or otherwise - is high.

Now I'm not a complete germ-a-phobe. But I do have some phobe where germs are concerned. You know like opening public bathroom doors w/ my sleeve rather than my hand. That kind. This is most apparent when I walk Lilly w/ me into any public restroom stall. You can hear me the whole time repeatedly saying "Don't touch anything. Noooooo! Don't touch. Noooooo! Aaahhhh! Stand right here. Noooooo! Touch nothing. Dirty. Dirty. Dirtyyyyyyy!" If you're a mother you're with me on this, right?! So if that makes me a germ-a-phobe. Then yes, mame, I'm a germ-a-phobe. But truly. These are the exception. I don't think of myself as living in a plastic bubble.

But Tuesday was different. I was not chancing the flu. So I did it. I bought myself a mask. A mask much like the ones I wore back & forth from Grand Cayman to Tampa when I would come for Chemotherapy. Now it didn't bother me then as at that time I was also bald and missing most of my eyebrows - so the mask - least of my worries on the "do I look okay scale?" if you know what I mean.

But this time I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that myself and only one other woman had a mask for our flights. The other woman had her mask on way before she even got on the plane. Brave! But me, I slithered into my seat, looked apologetically at the man next to me and said, "Don't take this personal. I'm a cancer survivor going for a surgery and can't risk getting sick on the plane." Poor guy! Too much - too much information for someone simply trying to read a book on a plane while thinking "who is that masked woman?" Me, Julie "putting pride aside for the sake of a new breast" Graubard. That's who.

So there you have it. More stories of the adventures of Julie. Super Hero or Super Freak? I'm going w/ freak because everyone knows - if I were a super hero I'd have used my "I dream of Jeanie" powers and head bobbed my way to Florida with a blink of the eyes.

A Side of Being a Young Cancer Survivor Most People Don't Realize Exists

Now let me start this blog by saying "Dear Reader this is not a call for your help." It's simply my venting a side of the whole cancer walk many people will not know is a cause of stress for me. Why would you, for we have been so blessed with friends and family who have helped. Unless of course you know me, really know me, then you might have seen in me how stressful I find this to be.

As a breast cancer survivor, I have had to go through not only 1 or 2 surgeries, but we're up to about 14 by now. Of course, not all of them are major surgeries, but that's the count Scott and I have going. I could count them out for you, but it might bore you almost as much as it bores me. Then there's chemo. Not once did I get to go through this, but twice. Then there's radiation. Ditto. Oh, and did I mention Dr.'s appointments. Countless doctors appointments that will continue perhaps at a lesser rate, but will continue until Kingdom come. Most of you already know all this about me. So why bring it up now at the tail end of this round of surviving breast cancer yet again. I'll tell you why, because it's hard having a young family and continually having to find help for the family as we walk through even the easy stuff like appointments.

But back to my stress point. A lot of these appointments take not only me, but also Scott away from the family. Me, as the patient and Scott as my personal hand holder.

It goes something like this. Who's going to pick Jesse up from school? Oh my, what will the kids eat tonight? McDonalds again? Sure? Are we overburdening Josh, who is constantly the third parent? And now we have baby duty all over again w/ Lilly. Oh no, one of them is in diapers again! This complicates things! And we can't call on someone to watch the little ones who we've just met. I just can't, they hardly know my kids how will I go into surgery or rest in good conscious! Is there a little seat in the operating room we can strap Lilly to, complete with a packet of animal crackers and a bottle? Scott what do we do this time?! Does my Mother have to make another trip with me thus giving up her life in Pennsylvania to do so for another 6 weeks at a time? What about my good friend Lynne? Or Erika? Or Judy? All have put in countless hours. Have we not called on them enough? Do people look at me like I'm an Amway Salesman. Don't make eye contact . . . here she comes!

On a side note, I did rebel a little in 2005 to 2006 against all the appointments in my life. I didn't go to the Dentist. I need the Eye Doctor too much, so I had to go to those appointments. But thank the Lord Jesus I have amazing teeth without cavities. So I skipped Dental cleanings and appointments for a time period, knowing I could get away with it since I'm such a good flosser. When I finally did return to the Dentist. She said with concern in her voice, "What kept you away? Are you afraid of the Dentist?" I exclaimed, "Are you kidding, I love how I feel after a Dental cleaning, I was simply being a rebel where I could get away with it!"

Now while most people do not make us feel this way, it's still a burden on my little heart. I ache thinking, who can I ask this time to help out. Nobody, except maybe, maybe Scott will ever realize how draining this is on my personality type. The, "please don't let anyone think I am taking advantage of them, I hate to have to overburden people, I like doing stuff myself" personality type. Sounds like pride, huh? Pride with a small mix of paranoia mixed in, but it's there and it's real and it stresses me out almost more than the silly disease itself has. And it's time to go through this yet again as I head back to Florida for surgery #2 of my reconstruction surgeries. Yay me!

On a good note, and there's always a good note, I praise God I am healthy. And as I prepare for my next surgery while also preparing to find help with the kids, I remind myself, this, too, shall pass. This too, I shall survive. But if you're reading and you've ever helped for a day or for more days than you can count. Then know I love you. Both Scott and I do more than you'll ever know. And thank you in the future for daring to make eye contact w/ me even as you see my next surgery coming up, for it tells me you understand my angst of asking for help I never planned on needing. We have amazing friends and family. We are blessed.

As always I thank you for all the prayers along the way.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
- Philippians 4:13

Love you all,

Julie and the family

Island Girl - trapped on land

Well, it's been a while since I wrote, so today w/ all this Julie/Julia movie stuff going on like so many others I felt I must get at it. Yes, of course. Maybe I need to write about what it's like to be a survivor - not just of breast cancer, but of reconstruction surgery, too. Maybe I should write about it once a day for 365 days. Or maybe I should write about whatever it is Julie wrote about for 365 days while she cooked from Julia's cookbook. What? Or maybe I should write about what it's like to move back to the US after 2 years in the Carribean writing about what the weather was like each of the 365 days per year that we were there. Sunny, 1000 degrees, w/ a chance of showers for about 1 hour that will make it hot, hot, hotter later in the day.

Seriously folks, it's been a long time since I blogged and I look back embarrassed that the last thing I wrote about was the infamous Jon & Kate when even Jon & Kate don't care about Jon & Kate anymore.

So let's just start w/ a quick update. Since leaving Grand Cayman we've had quite the ride. Josh left Cayman at the end of June the day after school was out at Triple C. Jesse, Lilly and I left on July 6. We headed to Beaver, Pennsylvania for the first leg of our adventures beyond Cayman. It started out a good trip, but ended in a blur for me as I got sick and ended up leaving Pennsylvania for Ohio in an achy state. So after about a 10 day stay w/ my Mom in PA, we headed for Ohio to stay w/ my friend Lynne at her farm in Alger, Ohio where we were reunited w/ our dog, Lucy, who barked at us at first and then looked at us like we seemed familiar. Then you could see on her face the "Oh yes, it's my family!"

Alger is right outside of the town of my Alma Mater, Ohio Northern University located in Ada, Ohio. Ada, Ohio where I had lived for not only 4 years for College (in the day when parents said you will be in college for 4 years period and they meant it). Then after a couple of years back in my hometown I returned to Ada, Ohio where I was employed in Admissions for 8 years. So as you can see - I spent 12 years in old Ada, so it was nice to return - however, I was still sick and really didn't get to enjoy it. Keep reading I promise our adventures get more exciting as I did head to Florida from there for Reconstruction. Yay me!

After a short stint in Ohio at Lynne's, the kids, Lynne and I loaded up in her car and headed to Florida. I had reserved a cottage to live in for the month as I knew from previous reconstruction surgery that I needed to be in town near the Doctor for follow-up appointments and recovery for at least a month. Lynne kindly agreed to help w/ this. Now lest Scott or my Mom are reading - they did both come and take care of me, too, but Lynne was the one who was there the whole time. God bless her. So in a cottage on Treasure Island became home July 19-August 19 (my 9th wedding anniversary I might add).

On August 19th Lynne, the kids and I loaded up the car and returned to Ohio. Now you may be wondering (or maybe you aren't) where Josh & Scott & Garbo ended up. Josh had been visiting his Mom in Pennsylvania and friends in Florida throughout the month of June, July & into early August. Scott arrived in Florida for my surgery w/ Garbo in tow the weekend before my surgery. Garbo had a short stay w/ our crazy friends Matt & Robin and their kids who foolishly loved on both our dogs before we went to Cayman. But back to the boys & Garbo. Scott returned to Cayman to finish out his contract out which was up on August 4th. So in August Josh, Scott & Garbo headed north together and made a stop to see David & Megan on their way to Ohio where they met up w/ us a day after the little ones and I returned to Ohio. Now, Scott, Josh, Jesse, Lilly, Lucy & Garbo and I are all in Ohio. The girls (including the dogs who are girls as you know) are at Lynne's home and the boys are staying w/ our friend Pat. And this is home for the moment. The kids are enrolled in the Ada Schools and we have a home to rent which we can get into hopefully in a week. So here we are in Ohio awaiting our next move. And there you go. You're caught up.

Keep on me now as I need to keep writing.

Love you all & ask for continued prayer for direction as the job search continues.

Julie

Jon and Kate plus a sad fan

I know it's ridiculous, but I am so saddened by Jon & Kate and their recent separation. Are they victims of stupidity! Did plastic surgery & pedicures & hairstyles make their harmless little life of parenting all those kids go down a wrong path? Sure. But who of us would pass up a free tummy tuck?! Is Kate mean? Sure. Does John put on blinders and seem oblivious most of the time when there are 8 kids to be parented? Sure. But they sound like normal parents of lots of kids that forgot they need God in the middle as it's hard. It's so hard. I mean is Kate mean or is John a slacker? Both. Which came first . . . the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Why isn't someone counseling them to get through this - they've invested so much and were just about to get them all in school. We can all be judgy - but the truth is they are marriage today. It's hard. Hard I tell you . . . but if he did not cheat, if they really are both believers - I so wish someone would pray and pray hard w/ them to fix this and take a break from the media. Am I passionate about this? No, why do you ask?!I need a sandwich.

The Grand Grill of Grand Cayman's for Sale . . . Twice

Since we will be moving - we had our garage sale to sell a few things. Good idea. Mostly we are selling our toys as we don't own much in the kitchen or elsewhere and we'd already donated clothes.

So we had two big items . . . a crib . . . and the infamous huge grill we inherited. It's been a good grill in spite of our having the little roadside charcoal grill God sent us during our first Hurricane here, but still - the big grill was a nice addition to our grill owning.

Well, as you can imagine this grill was a great find for many. Too many it seems.

We sold the grill to a very nice man - a man who said "a nice man let me park here during a hurricane once . . . Scott." This man is a new grandfather & we doted on his grandbaby. We were happy to bless this man. He'd come hoping our charcoal grill was on sale - had his sites on it from the road hoping it would be for sale. And then he found the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman in our garage. I had to tell him, I'd love to sell you the grill, but a woman came by this morning and I promised her I'd wait until tonight when her husband could come by and inspect it. So he went on his way - still he stopped by once in the afternoon to see if she'd called back.

So I decided. Here's an eager buyer, I'm going to call the woman who spoke for the grill and ask her if she is indeed still interested. See when she saw the grill - she'd inquired about it and our car as well. And then a friend drove by and she asked him to look at the grill. They went on their way promising to call back or stop back in the early evening.

I called the woman and asked. Do you still think you are interested in the grill? I have a man particularly interested and so if you are not, I was going to let him have it. She said, oh my husband has not responded so if you have a buyer let him have it. I promised her I'd call her should he change his mind and it still be on sale.

Our buyer eagerly came & paid for the grill excited about his new purchase. He and Scott made plans to meet up in the morning to load the grill in his vehicle so he could take it home.

Off I went to work yesterday morning, telling Marcia, Scott will be home at some point as we sold the grill in the garage & the man is coming to pick it up. I went off to work, knowing Scott would take care of this.

Mid-morning a call came from the buyer. "I'm here to pick up my grill and your babysitter says she sold the grill to a man who came & paid her and took it away." "What?!" I exclaimed. "Where is Scott?" "Scott was going to leave the grill outside as I couldn't meet him when he was available, but your babysitter said someone came and gave her $100 and she sold the grill." "What?! Let me talk to her."

Well, after all was said and done. All Marcia knew was someone was coming to get the grill. And someone did. And they paid her for it. Leaving one sad man, w/ a rack of ribs to barbecue waiting at home and another man . . . who we suspect was the friend of the original lady who was going to buy it - who is happy and grilling like crazy today.

The man who was sad did have such integrity as he was angry. But he came back and kindly paid $10 for the monitor set we had given him telling him no worries pay us tomorrow. We tried to gift these to him, but he insisted. He's a great man. I called the first lady and asked for the grill back, but she said it was not her husband and if she heard anything about the grill she'd call back. She never did - but she did have the same name as the name Marcia said was the friend of the man who purchased. Yeesh!

Praying guy #2 comes back, but figuring it's in God's hands now.

And so it is w/ the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman . . .

The end.

I'm out of control

Today has been stressful to me. I've been on edge and I realize it's all about control issues. Further, as I was thinking about it I realized - it's not God who I don't want to have control of my life. It's everyone else.

You see, I'm one of those people who will do anything to stay out of conflict. And sometimes that means I actually cause it. In fact in my pursuit of pleasing and getting along with others - I try to make peace come even at the expense of my unrest. And most of the time I do it quite passive-aggressively I might add.

So as I pondered this today. I realized I think where I struggle is the idea that others have any control over my life. Sometimes I give it to them. Often in fact. Sometimes I seek approval so much that I give up a part of myself trying to get it. At times I've caught myself actually seeking other people's approval so much that I forget it's really God's approval I should be seeking. Period. But then there are other times when I feel like people feel they have the right to inflict their needs or their time constraints on me so much that I lose control in that way as well. I think this one is harder for me. This is when my well-developed ability to feel guilt works on me the hardest. This is especially difficult for me when it moves into my family life. It's when it's affecting my family that I find myself most irritable. A Bear protecting her cubs!

This lead me into a deeper question for myself. When other people feel the need to inflict their needs on my family. Am I angry because they are taking control of my time? Or am I angry because I've lost my own overzealous control of things?

I gladly give God control over my family's life. In fact I prefer it for I know His plans for our life are meant for good. However, I do not know whether or not I want to give it up to other people. This is something I will continue to pray and ponder.