Nobody said it would be easy . . .

God never said it would be easy here on earth . . . well, he planned it to be at one time when He originally made us in His likeness . . . but then one bite out of that fruit and we fell away from all He had for us via sin. Not everyone understands that . . . for it's quoted all the time as an ok ticket to sin . . . "well, He made us in His likeness." Yes, true, but then we fell from that glory. But take heart - there is good news in spite of ourselves. He did say He's there and He'll walk through stuff with us . . . both the good and the bad and the indifferent stuff. He's there. And while we fell from being like Him due to our sin natures . . . the good news - and you knew I'd say it because there's always good news . . . He did make a way for us to reconcile with Him and that's just cool if you ask me. Can you tell I'm a little pensive today. You see this week I've been struggling to find a balance in today's world. It's about being passionate about stuff. Everyone who knows me knows I'm passionate. But the question is: How passionate should you be? Because if you're passionate . . . you will be attacked for it by one group or another.

My joke this week is - did you know when you have had one mastectomy and still have to go for a mammogram on the remaining side - you still pay for the double mammogram . . . life isn't fair . . . get used to it. :) We all struggle with this thought in one way or another. We all naturally want our way. The cheapest way, the easiest way, the why do I have to go through this why can't it be simple way. But it's not up to us. And I assure you . . . there is an easy way, but don't confuse that with it's going to be our way.

Today in the USA it seems if you're passionate about anything - be prepared. There will be a group that brings you smacked down to your knees in a fight telling you you're wrong. Especially if your passionate about it and it's not politically correct. A common thought is - you're close minded and wrong. Period. But make no mistakes both conservatives and liberals act this way. Just watch the news one night if you think I'm wrong. When you stand up for what you believe it's not going to be accepted like - well, that's what you believe, ok, I can live w/ that and love you anyway . . . it's more of an in your face you're wrong that you'll most likely hear. That hurts. I love being a Christian. But I hate what people think being a Christian equals. I'll tell you what it means. Being a Christian means you Love the Lord, the Trinity w/ all your heart. It means you see the Bible as the whole truth and nothing but the truth - not just some of it - but all of it. It means you want to be in relationship with Him - you pray to, want to be close to and like dreaming about how cool Jesus is. But it's more than that. I couldn't possibly cover it all. But it means - you recognize we all sin - it's man who measures how big the sins are. The Lord sees sin as sin. Period. So if you've ever treated someone unkindly - you too, are a sinner just like the adulterer. It's our very nature since the fall. So Christians are simply sinners who are continually turning their back on sin. Do we fall short? Sometimes, of course. But we pick up on the road where we left off and continue going forward. Yes. I do question if you are a Christian, truly a Christian if you do not desire to turn from sin, but that's between you and God. Not you and Julie.

And I know about sinning first hand and having to stop those desires. Maybe at this point you think my sins are goofy, but they're sin nevertheless. They are the things that hurt people to their core. I joke about everything under the sun and sometimes I must stop the joke for I know it's wrong. My spirit tells me its wrong. And so I stop in spite of the desire to get the laugh. I know it when I throw hate towards my husband because I think I'm right and he's wrong. During those times I stop in my tracks and pray, "Lord, give me the strength to show love here, because you know I'm struggling to see him as You see him." I'm human. But I try to live my life Running toward the Goal:

Running toward the Goal - Philippians 3:12-16 (Contemporary English Version)
12I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. 13My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. 14I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. 15All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you. 16But we must keep going in the direction that we are now headed.

I strive to grow closer and closer to being just like Jesus all the time. He's not trying to change my personality, He's trying to refine me. For instance, me, I believe Jesus was sarcastic. Just look at some of His interaction w/ Peter, who I so relate to. Jesus totally hung out w/ societies so called bad guys, he didn't stay in his safe group of people who were just like Him. He made people feel good about themselves as they turned from sin. My husband said - He didn't go up to the woman at the well and say, "Hey, slut, can I have a glass of water." No, he showed her love in spite of knowing about her lifestyle and her shunning from society as a result. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love not just the easy to love, but the ones who feel they're unlovable, too.

Anyway, It breaks my heart that people think Christian equals hate of different groups of people. And believe me - I know why they feel that way - there are Christians who in trying to get their point across show hate not love. It's a hard balance. It's passion - I have something - I am so joyful that I have it - I want you to have it, too. Like ice cream . . . only better. :) But in that pursuit we hurt people. I remember once a friend calling me out for telling her I prayed for her and that surely she was smart enough to understand there can only be one truth. Believe what you want - but believe it with all your heart. And I hurt her. And it hurt me, too. It still hurts that I hurt her, because I meant well, but I understand why that was hurtful. In my eagerness to share what I'd found I was too in her face. Our walks w/ the Lord are personal and we need to find our way on our own. Plant some seeds of why you're joyful, but sometimes you have to leave well enough alone and let people walk their own walk to finding Him or not, it's there choice. As is the case with whatever it is you're passionate about. If you love something - admit it - at one time or another you may have passionately told someone they were small minded because they didn't believe what you did.

All this said - it's more difficult today then ever before to live in the USA, as a true believer in Christ. Jesus has slowly lost the center of the country. In God we Trust seems to be just words these days. I know, because I lived in a Christian Country where people said to each other - I'm praying for you and people loved it and fell to their knees hoping you'd do it some more. They didn't understand all people could pray - yet looked for strong believers and leaders to do it for them, but they were not offended and as a country were fighting laws that would take God out of their country. Laws which had been accepted in Great Brittain, of which they are a territory, and the USA, which they so relate to.

However, in Grand Cayman I learned to be more tolerant of difference as a whole. How to be loving towards people who rubbed you the wrong way truly by mistake. Scott can tell you numerous funny stories of how passive-aggressive I would become over what I'd see as insults when really they were just cultural differences. You see there were truly people from all over the world in Cayman and so we saw huge differences in how people interacted acceptably. The questions I received looking back seemed like they came from a child - they were so innocent. Questions and statements like . . . "hey, look at you! you gained weight!" "who's your daughter's real mother? No, really, her real mother." "Why would you adopt a baby instead of having your own?" "I'm going to borrow your computer tonight." "I want to borrow your grill and I need your charcoal and lighter fluid, too." But you learn people are different and it's ok. It's ok. If you think it's funny seeing an American's expression after such comments, you really should have seen a Brittish face. Stoic as they are. My favorite comment coming from one of my best Jamaican friends. She looked at the Governor (equivalent to the President here), a Brittish man, and said, "Governor, you must love the Cayman food, you've put on a lot of weight around the middle!" And then she laughed her Jamaican robust laugh. And he looked at her w/ his very straight trying to smile politely Brittish expression saying "um, yes, I suppose." Difference at it's funniest. I learned to walk up to people and say, "Your butt looks bigger! Hurrah! Did you eat too much?!" OK, maybe not, but I learned from my Jamaican housekeeper daily to take things as they were said and not personally. It was a hard lesson on my "try desperately not to offend be polite" personality.

But back to my passion. I love Jesus. I love the Holy Spirit. And I love God the Father w/ all my heart. I Adore the whole Trinity. He healed me from breast cancer not once, but twice! He took my father home and healed him just in time so he would not have to suffer more here w/ a return of lung cancer. He brought me my children. My husband. He got us through some really, really hard stuff. And he was right there - even when I sulked and was mad. Even then I knew He had joy to give me if I would only reach out and grab hold of it. "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!" And sometimes I turned my back on Him like an angry child saying "I love you Lord, but I'm mad at you. I hate cancer. Can't you do the miracle cure instead of the go through chemo and using doctors to heal me cure. You want me to have a what? A testimony? A greater compassion for those also hurting? OK, I give." In all my happiness in all my pain, He's always been there - I'm the one who blocked Him and everyone else out when I was scared and wanted to be alone. He was always there wanting to hold my hand. In times like those ultimately like that angry child I slowly let a smile go back on my face and through it all mad or not, I've learned I want to Praise Him no matter what! For He owes me nothing - yet He gave me it all.

I love Him. I'm sorry if you read this and don't believe in the Bible or believe in the Lord like I do and therefore take offense. But I assure you in spite of our differences . . . I love you and I am sorry you hurt for whatever you hurt in, too. Of course, I see there only being one truth for there can only be one truth - truth is truth. But that doesn't mean - I don't respect your decision not to agree with me. I wish you a good life. And I'm here for you should you ever want to know what it is that keeps Julie driving on not just in good and bad times, but in the indifferent times which for my personality are often the hardet times of all. They wear me out. I'm here for you. But please don't ask me not to be passionate about my beliefs. For it is when I lose my passion that I feel I'm letting Him down.

Thank you Jesus for loving me in spite of the fact that I'm still human and have made many mistakes. Thank you that each day the burden I carry grows lighter for you continually take it from my arms and say - be joyful my child. I love You. :)

His only assignment to me . . . Love Him and Love my neighbors. And even more importantly His newest command revealed in John - to Love people like He loves them. I call myself a Christian. And so I'm going to try my best, lean on His spirit for help and keep on keeping His assignment. I love you my neighbor, truly I do.