A Side of Being a Young Cancer Survivor Most People Don't Realize Exists

Now let me start this blog by saying "Dear Reader this is not a call for your help." It's simply my venting a side of the whole cancer walk many people will not know is a cause of stress for me. Why would you, for we have been so blessed with friends and family who have helped. Unless of course you know me, really know me, then you might have seen in me how stressful I find this to be.

As a breast cancer survivor, I have had to go through not only 1 or 2 surgeries, but we're up to about 14 by now. Of course, not all of them are major surgeries, but that's the count Scott and I have going. I could count them out for you, but it might bore you almost as much as it bores me. Then there's chemo. Not once did I get to go through this, but twice. Then there's radiation. Ditto. Oh, and did I mention Dr.'s appointments. Countless doctors appointments that will continue perhaps at a lesser rate, but will continue until Kingdom come. Most of you already know all this about me. So why bring it up now at the tail end of this round of surviving breast cancer yet again. I'll tell you why, because it's hard having a young family and continually having to find help for the family as we walk through even the easy stuff like appointments.

But back to my stress point. A lot of these appointments take not only me, but also Scott away from the family. Me, as the patient and Scott as my personal hand holder.

It goes something like this. Who's going to pick Jesse up from school? Oh my, what will the kids eat tonight? McDonalds again? Sure? Are we overburdening Josh, who is constantly the third parent? And now we have baby duty all over again w/ Lilly. Oh no, one of them is in diapers again! This complicates things! And we can't call on someone to watch the little ones who we've just met. I just can't, they hardly know my kids how will I go into surgery or rest in good conscious! Is there a little seat in the operating room we can strap Lilly to, complete with a packet of animal crackers and a bottle? Scott what do we do this time?! Does my Mother have to make another trip with me thus giving up her life in Pennsylvania to do so for another 6 weeks at a time? What about my good friend Lynne? Or Erika? Or Judy? All have put in countless hours. Have we not called on them enough? Do people look at me like I'm an Amway Salesman. Don't make eye contact . . . here she comes!

On a side note, I did rebel a little in 2005 to 2006 against all the appointments in my life. I didn't go to the Dentist. I need the Eye Doctor too much, so I had to go to those appointments. But thank the Lord Jesus I have amazing teeth without cavities. So I skipped Dental cleanings and appointments for a time period, knowing I could get away with it since I'm such a good flosser. When I finally did return to the Dentist. She said with concern in her voice, "What kept you away? Are you afraid of the Dentist?" I exclaimed, "Are you kidding, I love how I feel after a Dental cleaning, I was simply being a rebel where I could get away with it!"

Now while most people do not make us feel this way, it's still a burden on my little heart. I ache thinking, who can I ask this time to help out. Nobody, except maybe, maybe Scott will ever realize how draining this is on my personality type. The, "please don't let anyone think I am taking advantage of them, I hate to have to overburden people, I like doing stuff myself" personality type. Sounds like pride, huh? Pride with a small mix of paranoia mixed in, but it's there and it's real and it stresses me out almost more than the silly disease itself has. And it's time to go through this yet again as I head back to Florida for surgery #2 of my reconstruction surgeries. Yay me!

On a good note, and there's always a good note, I praise God I am healthy. And as I prepare for my next surgery while also preparing to find help with the kids, I remind myself, this, too, shall pass. This too, I shall survive. But if you're reading and you've ever helped for a day or for more days than you can count. Then know I love you. Both Scott and I do more than you'll ever know. And thank you in the future for daring to make eye contact w/ me even as you see my next surgery coming up, for it tells me you understand my angst of asking for help I never planned on needing. We have amazing friends and family. We are blessed.

As always I thank you for all the prayers along the way.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
- Philippians 4:13

Love you all,

Julie and the family