Island Girl: Trapped in Paradise . . . Landlocked

Blessed, Blessed, Blessed

2011-11-09T07:29:00.000-08:00

Feeling completely blessed today! And grateful beyond words.....yes, me, beyond words.....crazy! :)

The Blessing that is Greenville

2011-04-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

With my favorite season and the spring weather right around the corner, I felt like it was time to reflect on how the Graubards faired this past winter. While I imagine I'll always have the Island Girl love for the beach in my blood, I can honestly say I've come to love Greenville, Pennsylvania. We all have really. And, dare I say it . . . even in the winter months.

Having grown up in a small town and then having spent twelve of my adult single years in one, it's no surprise I love the simple life found in the Borough of Greenville. Greenville is a reminder to me of all the basic things I love about life in a small town. I love it that people smile and recognize me when I walk through the local grocery store. I love that I can leave my car running as I jump out and run to the mailbox to drop a letter in. I love that neighbors truly care to stop and talk while out walking their dogs.

As I sit here and really rack my brain trying to think about what it is I might miss about living in a larger city, I am mostly at a loss. I mean, we have cultural life through Thiel College, we have a Walmart, we have amazing churches reaching the lost. We have great coffee and restaurants. The only thing I can think to say we've lived near in the past but do not have in the borough is the convenience of a mall, but I'm not really a mall kind of girl. Okay, maybe a movie theater would be nice. Yes, a small town dollar movie theater would be nice. There.

On the other hand as I reflect on what has made life in this particular small town of Greenville a blessing many specific things come to mind. Like Marty and Martha owners of Fresh Grounds Coffee Shop downtown, who are giving people of all ages a great place to hang out and even allow us to use space for a weekly Bible Study. Oh and I can't forget Ben at Fresh Grounds who sees us and says, "Hey, I just brewed a new pot of decaf when I saw you coming." Perhaps it's the fact you know the people who fix your cars, which comes in handy for a family with second hand cars. The first time we took our car to one location, when asked how much it would cost, the man said, "You look trustworthy, so just pay me when you can." Or when you pull up to Aldi without a quarter to get a cart your pastor's wife happens to be there, too, and hands you one. But I feel certain even if she had not been there I have no doubt someone would have given us their cart foregoing their own quarter that comes back at cart return time. And beautiful Riverside Park where we like to run, walk and play. When family or friends visit I insist they see our park.

I mentioned even this winter I enjoyed myself. Of course my kids love it. Both my 3 and 9 year olds each made their first snow angels ever in Greenville. Scott and I are right there in the snow playing, too. I mean, have you ever been pulled on a sled by a four-wheeler! I've yet to figure out the right snow to make a snowman, but we'll get it eventually. I'm not going to tell you winter is or may ever be my favorite season, but I am happy to report, it's been an okay winter.

We have a wonderful church family in Bethel Life Worship Center, a church that is doing the stuff and reaching outside their walls to people in the community to make a difference in lives with the Love of Christ in practical ways. We also are involved in ministry with Thiel College Students. Oh and can we send out a big "Thank You" to Thiel College for community use of the Dome this winter! The schools are good with caring teachers where my kids are truly happy. Oh and I, a cancer survivor, who is very careful with selection of medical care, has been quite happy with my medical treatment in Greenville and the connections to UPMC in Pittsburgh a driving distance away. But most importantly we love the people. The people are warm and friendly. Last but not least we are finally within driving distance of my family and our daughter Megan who is at Slippery Rock. Life is sweet.

I could go on and on about all the things that make Greenville great. I won't pretend we've had no difficult times adjusting here, and certainly we are hopeful the town will come out of it's difficult financial times. Still the blessings are far and above the hard times. Yes, we love it here. God's love is evident all over.

Thank you Greenville for welcoming us with open arms. But even more importantly, thank you God for bringing us here. You always seem to know what's best for us and where we belong.

Praising Him,

Julie & Scott & Crew

"Running towards the Goal" - Phil. 3:12-16

The Gospel according to Lilly

2011-03-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Funny Lilly stories come all the time. I thought I'd share this as I wrote it to my friend in a message.

One of Lilly's Sunday school teacher's LB was really excited that a year ago she had taught on Hannah and Samual and this year when she began teaching it again, Lilly remembered the story and told LB the story back. So LB is soooo proud her teaching is getting through . . . at least to the smart Chinese kids in the class like our Lillybean.

So the other night we're riding in the car and Lilly says, "I can tell you about Hannah. LB says I tell it real good. Hannah asked God for a baby. And God gave her the baby Samual. And Hannah gave Samual back to God . . . " We're like, ah-ha, ah-ha. And then suddenly she goes. "Then God left the baby Samual. Then the baby Samual started crying." Scott and I were listening intently and then I thought to myself, what that didn't happen. So suddenly I said out loud, "Wait! That didn't happen. Lilly are you making stuff up now?" She got a smirk on her face and said, "yes." and then giggled.

Lilly may have ended her sharing with us in a silly way. Perhaps she was just trying to complete the story on her own. Perhaps she was being funny, which is what I think. But either way . . . beautiful that she even cares to share it. Beautiful.

Ho Ho Ho . . . Christmas 2010

2011-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ho Ho Ho . . .

Can you hear it? We did and often coming from a 3 year old little voice made as low as she possible could pull off. Yes, Lilly, was very aware of Christmas this year and more accurately of the presents.

Christmas time was a tish bit crazier than usual around here. We chose December as moving month. No, we haven't left Greenville, PA, but we did move about a ½ mile down the road to a 4 bedroom house, giving each child a room to call their own in lower campus area of Thiel College.

Scott is Public Service Director for Greenville Borough bringing home the bacon, but also had a position teaching a course at Thiel this past semester. He loves teaching on the college level and hopes to find more opportunities in the future. I hope so, too. I often quote, “happy wife, happy life,” but truly, “happy husband leads to happy wife, which leads to happy life,” so oh, how I hope teaching gigs continue as he's a great teacher and a happy one. Both Scott and I are involved in Campus Ministry through an organization called CCO (Coalition for Christian Outreach) Campus Ministries. Scott is currently working towards his PhD at Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh. He also made a trip overseas with his buddy, Jeff, on a mission trip to Lima, Peru and is moments closer to being accepted as a Chaplain in the Army,

David (24) was in this year for a brief visit before Christmas. Our time with him was short, but sweet. He currently holds down a full-time grown-up job, while also pursuing a bachelors degree. Having made a switch from Navy to Air Force he continues to be in the National Guard.

Megan (19) is a freshman at nearby Slippery Rock University, working towards a degree in Math Secondary Education. She loves Slippery Rock and we love having her so near. Spending several a long weekend with us, she and Lilly have become tight as sisters need to be in this sea of boys. Oh, and Megan had a 4.0 her first semester! So proud of her!

Josh (17) is a senior! Joining the military ranks in this family, he signed on with the Army National Guard with an early sign-on bonus for doing it his senior year of high school. When he comes home in his uniform from Guard Weekends, it blows us away. Crazy! He'll leave for boot camp in June after graduation. Currently on winter break from Dairy Queen employment, his favorite pastime is hanging out with Asians. You'll have to ask him about that yourself.

Jesse (9) entered 4th grade which means he's in middle school. He continues to get good reports academically, like his recent 4.0 (Yay Jesse!), as well as on being well-behaved and friend to all. When soccer season hit this past year, he declared to cousins, friends, and coaches, that he's an International player since he played in the Cayman Islands. Well, he does have a point. He did play internationally.

Lilly (3) is officially a US Citizen as of this past week! Completely aware of Santa this year, weeks before Christmas, she announced, “Mommy, maybe if we go to bed, Santa will come!” Very concerned with staying off Santa's Bad List (a valid concern), she asked 2 days before “Is there still time to make the Good List?” She had it covered. She was going to write Santa a letter if it wasn't looking good. Scott congratulated me for doing my mothering job well, the morning he woke her and she said, “Just five more minutes of sleep.” Yep, that's my girl. Lilly loves Sunday school friends, napping with daddy, baking with mommy, watching television with Jesse and being sarcastic with Josh. Keeping all of us on our toes always, she makes me tired and laugh all at the same time. Lilly equals joy!

In addition to happy homemaker and CCO ministry, I volunteer 2 days a week in the office of our church, Bethel Life. My most exciting adventure this year was a short-term mission trip to Quito, Ecuador! Amazing ministry touched my heart. And in spite of what you hear, I only spilled one bowl of soup on a little girl and did not cause a country plumbing incident by continually mistakenly flushing toilet paper. I did, however, apparently talk a lot. And yes, I'm still working towards completion of a book about our life, but no, I did not meet my self-imposed deadline to be done editing completely by December 31st. Still I press on and hope to complete it this coming year. I remind myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” - Phil. 4:13 (NKJV) And so can you.

A late but Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all!

Blessings & Love,

The Graubards

Julie's Chat with God

2010-11-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in my last blog how I have a history of anxiety. Not debilitating panic attack anxiety, but I assure you it's real. It all began, immediately following my complete hysterectomy 4 years ago at which time doctors assured me menopause would come fast and hard. Since then I've dealt with anxious legs (picture wanting to kick a hole in the couch for relief, the month or two immediately following the surgery) to feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin prior to a hot flash (which then goes away immediately), to the one that bothers me the most the "I have so much to do I can't do anything" anxious heart that comes when I stress myself out. I've been told some of this is probably medication related due to an anti-estrogen medicine I take to keep me anti-breast cancer, some of it is menopausal hormones and quite honestly (and I think primarily) it's Julie's love to stress personality.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas activity approaching, a self-imposed December 31, 2010 deadline to finish a book, and a need to pack for a move down the road in the middle of December in an organized fashion for my own sanity, for days last week I found myself unable to perform any of my responsibilites. I would sit in my chair staring at my computer or the television or I'd try to nap; all techniques I use to escape my duties. I did all of this while also trying not to climb through my skin, because I knew fully it was all ridiculous and had to stop causing me this undo stress. My normal routine when feeling this way is to call a friend to chat it out and to ask them to pray. Or to call Scott and ask him to kindly tell me to knock it off or hug me. But one day last week was different. I decided I wanted to meet anxiety head on and deal with it, to get right in the middle of it instead of running from it. So when Scott got home and suddenly found he could not go on a walk/run with me for one of us needed to stay back with the kids, I left on a walk of my own with my thoughts to deal with.

I went for that walk at which time tired of anxiety having its way with me, I decided to have a conversation with God. And here's how it went:

I said to God, "Why do I have anxiety and often? I want to know so I can change what's at the root of it and face it head on."

And I heard this in my spirit, "Submit."

So like the Julie I am who always pushes it further, I said, "But I do submit! I know I don't always get my way, but You do always get Yours. I get that."

And that's when I got it for I heard, "No, Submit."

I realized it's like this. Just because we listen to our parent and do as they ask it doesn't mean we always agree with them. It seems I tend to do the same thing with God sometimes. Especially when I see people hurting and don't understand His whole plan or where He's going with something by allowing it. This helped me to see myself in a new light and to see things a little differently than I had been.

If you question if anxiety is real in people, than you've never experienced it, because I assure you it's real, but I also assure you . . . God can help you through it. Anyone who knows me knows I'm all for medical help and medicines for I see them as some of God's lifeboats He sends our way. But I also say, Cling to the Lord as I do and ask for His help.

My suggestion, don't say, "Please take my problem from me." Rather say, "Please take my problem and also take me to the source of the problem and deal with that in me, too." Oh, the burden that is lifted is completely worth it. I personally don't think you can say, "Lord, lift my high cholesterol" while drinking a glass of crisco oil. I think we play a part in honoring Him. When we accept His gifts of healing us while knowing full well it can happen again if we don't make some changes ourselves, are we really honoring his gift. I say, ask Him to help you to learn how to fish. He loves you and wants the best for you.

Love Julie, who since chatting with God about anxiety and the source of that anxiety has packed several organized boxes, exercised and even done some good editing.

Be Anxious about Nothing . . . Not Even the Hot Flash

2010-11-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

Be anxious about nothing. I know that's Biblical and I really need to press into scripture with the anxiousness of which I'm referring, that which comes with the approach of a hot flash. If you've never experienced a hot flash then you might think, "Oh, yes, the hot flash. My mom had those. She'd freeze the rest of us out of house and home by opening the windows in the middle of winter. And sometimes she'd go into a compulsive fanning of herself to cool off. Yes, I'm familiar." I'm here to report. No, no, you are not familiar.

The hot flash in and of itself is not horrible. Sure it's no fun to be in an airconditioned building all dressed up yet all of a sudden you find yourself sweating out of nowhere. But that's not what I dislike. In fact my sister actually likes the hot flash for it warms her normally freezing self up. Silly sister.

No, what I struggle with is the anxious feeling that comes right before the hot flash, thus compelling me into wanting to yell to all who will listen "Do not come near me . . . get away! Come on hot flash, so this feeling goes away!"

And that is your lesson on hot flashes. If you're ever near me and I start shooing you away, please don't take it personal. It's simply anxiety hitting me as the hot flash approaches. You're annoying to me even though you don't deserve it. Just step away and pray for me. Pray the hot flash hits, so the anxiety goes away. For once the hot flash hits, I may be a little sweaty for a moment, but I can handle you being near again . . . as long as you don't laugh at me. Oh yeah, just yesterday I told you we should laugh more. Ok, then laugh. For if I'm beyond the anxiety and in full out hot flash, I'm not likely to throw a shoe at you. Rather I'll have my fan out like a sweet southern girl fanning herself of the heat.

And remind me of one of my favorite scriptures:

"Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

Thanks for laughing with me. I needed it. :)

Laugh More

2010-11-03T19:45:00.001-07:00

Realizing I don't laugh enough these days . . . will be working on that. Do you ever notice that about yourself. I've noticed lately as the weather has been getting cooler I haven't been laughing as much, but rather have been taking myself too seriously. Note to self, see how many times I mentioned "I" . . . could be some of the problem. Tonight I read the blog two of my friends started which they call "Bittertrain." I tell you I was giggling myself silly. So here's my advice. Take time to laugh more often. I think if my focus is on me at all, it should be to laugh at myself more. I promise you life is so much sweeter when you're laughing instead of whining. Laughing.

Quito Mission Trip . . . August 8 & 9

2010-08-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

Shuffling Off to Quito, Ecuador – Day 1, Sunday, June 8

Well, it's finally happening. We are finally heading to Quito, Ecuador, a much anticipated Short-term mission trip with my church, Bethel Life Worship Center.

Seems like just yesterday we were all praying and finding our own way to this particular trip. For me, it was a heart for missions which started to grow more and more with each trip Scott made to South and Central American in the last ten years. I used to call myself the praying wife who prayed him up as he headed out to Peru, Guatemala, Venezuela and Costa Rica. I'd stay home, hold down the fort, take care of the kids and promise to put a dog or two to sleep for bad behavior if needed. But after a long-term mission stint in Grand Cayman of the Cayman Islands, my heart for the world grew and I knew I head to get out there and see the world, how it lives and touch lives with the Word. With this in mind, early on at Bethel Life, I learned of the trip to Quito. After talking to my friends Kris and Denise at Bethel Life, there was no turning back. I was destined to Quito, Ecuador Summer 2010. And here I am sitting on a bus on my way while my husband stays home, holding down the fort, hopefully not threatening to put down a dog or two.

We all have a story like this that lead us here. Tammi, got the bug, too, while her husband Rodney felt it was a call for her he would support and cheer on. Tish, she came all the way from Texas to fly to Quito after what sounds like countless encouraging talks w/ her friend, Andrew. Tara and her mother, both nurses, caught the bug, too. It was Tara's mother who declared she was nervous early on, but then just 2 days ago as we prepared to go, she said, “If I didn't even go on the trip at this point, I've already gotten so much out of it.” Well, said, I'd agree.

Anyone who knows me personally knows I am always eager to talk, share the Lord's Word and rarely show nerves where that is concerned. Yet it has been through fasting and praying and praying some more, I've realized how very nervous I am. It's a big job, spreading God's Word. Will I do it correctly? Will my silly personality translate or will they look at me strangely? Will they understand me even with a translator? I mean, come on, even my husband thinks I speak another language sometimes. . What if I confuse someone and they don't get the proper seeds planted as a result? Well, guess what? Perhaps that's part of the point. I'm not the lead in this dance. I'm simply one part of the whole dance, The best part is I don't have to lead. He'll lead and hopefully keep me from stepping on other dancers toes, but even if I do, with a praying heart filled with His grace, He'll continue to lead me and all I have to do is listen for His voice and follow Him, and share His love.

So tonight some with tears in their eyes, others like me saw an opportunity for a nap on a bus are headed to New York City where we will catch a plane for Quito, Ecuador by way of a layover in Costa Rica. No, Tammi, you don't need to fly the plane, just sit back and relax. Relax and as for that anxiety about flying . . . Stop it!

The bus ride is funny. Personalities are coming out. Lot's of headphones on listening to Ipods or as I lovingly refer to them walkmans. Me, I have on my 2005 birthday present, an MP3 player, playing over and over 10 songs Scott put on for me initially. I'm listening to the music, while I sit and write. Kris and Kendrick are watching “Mall Cop” on an Ipod while laughing a lot. I asked “Kris, do you have a headset on?” Why you ask . . . she said much louder than I believe she could have realized, I'm eating a hershey kiss with “CARMEL.” More laughter. Oh and while we're on food. I'm loving Crystal's Grandpa for the cookies. And enjoyed getting to know my new friend Brenda, Crystal's mother as we shared days of packing stories. Pastor Kent has walked up and down the aisles tending to his flock several times. I overheard Angie read a Bible Verse to Summer out of Daniel about following the Lord whether He showed up or not to bring the 3 men out of the firey furnace they were put in for following their faith and bowing down to no other God. A great reminder as we head out.. And snacking. Lots snacking going on from carrots to cookies. But I think Jared is my favorite to watch. At 10 he is the youngest player on the trip, bu t I sense may have the greatest potential to touch Ecuador with his innocent face and faith. I can't wait to see what God has in store for not only Jared, but for each of us.

Thanks for following us. I'm off to get my rest for I feel God has a great journey that is already unraveling as we head to New York.

A Bit about Tithing . . .

2010-07-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

Today I read in my daily devotion about the tithe. I know, I know . . . nobody wants to talk about the tithe. "All our Pastor or our Priest talks about is the tithe. Not Julie, too. I hate those guilt sermons." Well, I thought I'd do your Pastors and Priests a favor and explain something that just spoke to my heart. And If you know me at all you know I'm not a legalist. I don't think you're going to Hell if you don't tithe, but I am going to suggest some stuff you might want to think about. Stuff I, too, shall continue to think about and let set deeply in my heart. Here's a section out of the devotion that struck me as really important to ponder:

Abraham paid tithes six hundred years before the law (see Genesis 14:20), then Jesus endorsed it saying we "ought to tithe (see Matthew 23:23), and the writer to the Hebrews confirmed that it's still God's plan (see Hebrews 7:4-5). As believers, we are the spiritual seed of Abraham, and as such, his blessings have been promised to us (see Galations 3:14) But if you want what Abraham had, you've got to do what Abraham did - and he was the first man in Scripture to tithe! Giving God the first tenth of your income makes Him number one in your priorities. His Word says, "'Bring the whole tithe . . . Test me in this,'. . . 'and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing, that you will not have room enough for it.'" (Malachi 3:10 New International Version (NIV)). Do you want to walk in God's blessing? Be a tither!

Upon reading that here are some thoughts. Nobody wants to hear the sermon called "You Need to Tithe." Especially if you go to a church that doesn't let you bring your cup of coffee in with you. Even people who feel strongly they should tithe have obstacles to this. The first reasons many give who actually want to tithe but at the moment are not, "I want to tithe, but I don't have enough money to do so. I have a car payment. I have a house payment. I don't make enough money at my job." And the really guilt ridden might even say, "I'd love to do it, perhaps my family can eat less." Well, guess what? I have often thought just the same. Only if I'm honest sometimes I get annoyed that if we are out of money the first thing to go is my hair highlighting habit. I told you I'm honest.

Listen, it's hard to come up with the money. But I think perhaps this is where my thinking has been faulty. I think often our thinking is God gets what's leftover. Of course, He does. Why? Because He's not sending us notices saying if we don't pay He'll take His love back. As a result like the child who is the most quiet and best behaved in the room gets overlooked in the needing attention department. Be honest. Right? We pay for our cars and our houses so they're not taken away, but with Jesus, once you receive Him into your heart, He won't disown you. Isn't that even more reason to be loyal to Him and His flock. Don't let Him slide as a priority. Our kids can't fire us, so it's okay to ignore them, right? Wrong? We wouldn't do that would we. Well, maybe. :)

Just a thought about how to go about fixing this. If we paid our tithe first because it was a top priority, we would never miss a payment. It would be up there with our other budgeted items like our house, our groceries and our car payments. After all those payments were made then we would do the extras like buying a frappe at Starbucks or even just a cup of coffee at the local mini-market. The leftover money would not go to the tithe, rather it would be what paid for those new sketcher shoes and yes, those highlights for your hair. Oh shoot, there I go down a rabbit trail thinking about myself again. Sorry.

And I'm not as oblivious as I often seem, I know some people are strapped even more than I suggested above. I realize there are people in debt and struggling to even buy groceries and keep a roof over their heads. But I promise you, He will take care of you. He will. I could give you countless examples. Find a church you can fellowship in. One where you will find love and support as you climb this burden of a financial mountain. I'm not suggesting you go ask for a handout. I'm suggesting you go and ask them to help you by suggesting a financial class or counseling to help you. Don't keep living with your head just above water. Go for help. Their are wise people to talk to where money is concerned. Please don't call me. I said, wise people where money is concerned. But there really are wise people who can help, I've seen people turn their financial situation around time and time again. You say, no, Julie, you have no idea how bad our situation is. Perhaps not, but the Lord does. It's not easy, but it can be done and with it brings Freedom.

Please don't feel guilty today about this. Guilt is not from God. But do pray about this and give it some thought. At the the very least get your best pensive look on your face and think about it a tish bit.

Thanks for listening to this Island Girl who's landlocked with thoughts I wanted to share with you . . .

Vote for Old Paint my friends!

2010-05-25T10:25:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas a little late!

2010-03-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

We had a White Christmas . . . Christmas 2009

And what a joyous Christmas Season it was for us as we made our way back to Western Pennsylvania just in time for Thanksgiving. After almost 8 years away finally we were near family for the holidays. It wasn’t a short road getting here, rather had lots of stops along the way, but we are home and we’re warm even w/ the snow we see daily.

It seemed it was time to come home after 2 good years in Grand Cayman. We made friends from all over the world and got to see God at work. While it’s nice to be back, Scott and I are forever grateful to the Lord for placing us in Grand Cayman for a season.

One by one we departed the Island. Good-bye Island life! First out was Lucy, shipped back in April to Ohio w/ my friend, Lynne, who almost forgot her at the airport. Lucy actually did go to live on a farm in the country! Josh left in June for time in Pennsylvania & Florida followed closely by Jesse, Lilly & I. After an eventful flight, w/ a sick Jesse and a cranky Lilly, or was it a cranky Julie, we made it safe and sound to Pittsburgh where my Mom, Aunt, Uncle and cousins were eagerly awaiting our arrival. Scott and Garbo were last to leave, Garbo tucked under Scott’s seat on the plane – only escaping once when the flight attendant wanted a look-sy and unzipped her carrier. Oops! Finally after stays in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida we all met up together in Florida. Next we planted ourselves temporarily in Ada, Ohio thus reuniting w/ Lucy again. Family complete. We determined to stay in Ohio where we’d wait for what was next. God was so faithful even giving Scott an opportunity to work as a visiting Engineering Professor at my alma mater, Ohio Northern University, of all things. It was a long crazy summer, but we made it! And ah, the journey!

After a long time of living out of suitcases and boxes, God finally placed us right in my family’s backyard of Western Pennsylvania in Greenville where Scott has taken the position of Public Service Director for the Borough. When we left for Grand Cayman, I said to my Mom, who knows, maybe when we return we’ll end up living near you. And so it is. While I miss Florida and Grand Cayman for the great friends and the sunshine we left behind, I cannot tell you how much this feels like home to us all - most importantly because for the first time ever we had all five kids with us under one roof Christmas morning.

David’s busy, working full-time, going to college at the University of Phoenix online, and in the Navy Reserves. He was a welcome addition to the kitchen always being a better and more relaxed cook than I. Megan’s doing well, fourth in standing in her senior class with several applications out for college and a goal to be a teacher. We look forward to seeing what the next year brings for her. Christmas was special as it was the first time sisters, Lilly and Megan met. Truly Lilly stole Megan’s heart and she stole Lilly’s. A great big sister, Megan got her ear talked off by a very happy Jesse, too. It felt so good to see her.

Josh, Jesse & Lilly are my heroes. Both boys have been troopers. Starting school in Ada and then transferring to Greenville would have been a big deal to me as a kid, but they did it effortlessly. Josh is a junior and Jesse is in 3rd grade. Jesse & Lilly are happy to live closer to Gramma Kay, or Gramma Candy as Lilly refers to her, and their cousins whom they love. Josh is blessed by finally living closer to his Mom & siblings. This year Josh started taking flying lessons. He can’t drive yet, but he’s flying. Hmmm. Lilly proved quite resilient simply saying “my new house” each time we moved this summer. She is still quite close to Josh, who I’ve threatened will be taking her to college w/ him if he keeps teaching her silly tricks. Jesse has embraced life as a big brother, mostly enjoying it and her silliness. Jesse’s greatest accomplishment this year was making a snow angel for the first time ever!

Scott is due to finish his Master’s in Divinity very soon, was ordained this year by an evangelical ministerial association, and is hopeful to reach his goal of becoming a Chaplin in the Army in the near future. With a heart that continues to grow in mission work, he heads out w/ his buddy, Jeff, to Peru for another trip soon and is already spotting God shaped holes for us to fill in ministry in our new church, Bethel Life Worship Center. A church loved by us all. They’re doing the stuff and getting outside the doors. Mostly I am mommying, but when I’m not mommying I’m busy working on a book I hope to have published by 2010. Mostly I see it my job to just keep spreading His Word for He’s been quite good to us.

I hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas season and as always our doors are open waiting for a visit from you & yours. Peace & Blessings this New Year!

Love, the Graubards

A new blog for the Island Girl

2010-03-10T07:37:00.001-08:00

Hi all,

If you are a loyal follower of Island Girl, you might want to check out my new blog Ho Ho's a Go Go. It's my adventures at praying more, eating healthier, and getting back in shape. Enjoy!

Blessings,

Julie

And all I got was this t-shirt

2010-02-04T11:10:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel that way? Like you want to be on vacation, having a swell old time walking the beach or whatever it is that vacation looks like to you, yet you feel like you only got the t-shirt. The reminder of what a great vacation spot you're missing out on. I've felt that lately. And make no mistake, I am blessed. Blessed beyond reason. But still, I'm human and more specifically have a flair for the dramatic, so sometimes when life is just day to day routine, something I personally should be excited about, I get a bit of the blahs.

Today I got one of those forward emails meant to remind you God is in all things. I'm not one for those emails, but I know people mean well when they send them. And often times they know I love Jesus, so they feel I'm a safe person to send them. But that said there I go judging as I know they do speak to some people more than they do to me. I suppose I just prefer to know Him on a more personal basis. I prefer Him in my day to day life thinking of Him, my BFF, on and off all the time for it is from He who I draw my joy.

All this said, today I got one of those emails. While it is very nice and very insiteful - I laughed when I read the first part of it. The email went something like this. "I asked God for a flower and a butterfly" written on top of a picture of a beautiful flower w/ a butterfly nearby. The next frame read "And he gave me this cactus." I laughed out loud. For we've all been there. Of course, the email went on to say, the cactus sprouted a beautiful flower and the catepillar also received became a gorgeous butterfly, so trust God for He knows what He's doing. All true for I do know God gives us His best. Still when you feel like life is beating you down, you know what it feels like to get the cactus when you want the beautiful water of a beach somewhere in the midst of winter. Maybe I'm taking this too personally in the midst of my first real winter back up North. :)

Fortunately I still have my sense of humor. And like I said mundane in the Graubard household is not such a bad thing.

Life isn't always a parade . . . nor is it a hurricane . . . I suppose thankfully . . . for it is in these times I think perhaps "this girl" grows the most. It is during these times where I get the "life is too good to be true" fears that are simply not from the Lord. Worry takes you nowhere, my friends . . . turn it all over to the Big Guy upstairs. He's in the business of showing you how cactuses are really flowers in disguise.

As always . . . thanks for listening.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Nobody said it would be easy . . .

2010-01-28T13:44:00.000-08:00

God never said it would be easy here on earth . . . well, he planned it to be at one time when He originally made us in His likeness . . . but then one bite out of that fruit and we fell away from all He had for us via sin. Not everyone understands that . . . for it's quoted all the time as an ok ticket to sin . . . "well, He made us in His likeness." Yes, true, but then we fell from that glory. But take heart - there is good news in spite of ourselves. He did say He's there and He'll walk through stuff with us . . . both the good and the bad and the indifferent stuff. He's there. And while we fell from being like Him due to our sin natures . . . the good news - and you knew I'd say it because there's always good news . . . He did make a way for us to reconcile with Him and that's just cool if you ask me. Can you tell I'm a little pensive today. You see this week I've been struggling to find a balance in today's world. It's about being passionate about stuff. Everyone who knows me knows I'm passionate. But the question is: How passionate should you be? Because if you're passionate . . . you will be attacked for it by one group or another.

My joke this week is - did you know when you have had one mastectomy and still have to go for a mammogram on the remaining side - you still pay for the double mammogram . . . life isn't fair . . . get used to it. :) We all struggle with this thought in one way or another. We all naturally want our way. The cheapest way, the easiest way, the why do I have to go through this why can't it be simple way. But it's not up to us. And I assure you . . . there is an easy way, but don't confuse that with it's going to be our way.

Today in the USA it seems if you're passionate about anything - be prepared. There will be a group that brings you smacked down to your knees in a fight telling you you're wrong. Especially if your passionate about it and it's not politically correct. A common thought is - you're close minded and wrong. Period. But make no mistakes both conservatives and liberals act this way. Just watch the news one night if you think I'm wrong. When you stand up for what you believe it's not going to be accepted like - well, that's what you believe, ok, I can live w/ that and love you anyway . . . it's more of an in your face you're wrong that you'll most likely hear. That hurts. I love being a Christian. But I hate what people think being a Christian equals. I'll tell you what it means. Being a Christian means you Love the Lord, the Trinity w/ all your heart. It means you see the Bible as the whole truth and nothing but the truth - not just some of it - but all of it. It means you want to be in relationship with Him - you pray to, want to be close to and like dreaming about how cool Jesus is. But it's more than that. I couldn't possibly cover it all. But it means - you recognize we all sin - it's man who measures how big the sins are. The Lord sees sin as sin. Period. So if you've ever treated someone unkindly - you too, are a sinner just like the adulterer. It's our very nature since the fall. So Christians are simply sinners who are continually turning their back on sin. Do we fall short? Sometimes, of course. But we pick up on the road where we left off and continue going forward. Yes. I do question if you are a Christian, truly a Christian if you do not desire to turn from sin, but that's between you and God. Not you and Julie.

And I know about sinning first hand and having to stop those desires. Maybe at this point you think my sins are goofy, but they're sin nevertheless. They are the things that hurt people to their core. I joke about everything under the sun and sometimes I must stop the joke for I know it's wrong. My spirit tells me its wrong. And so I stop in spite of the desire to get the laugh. I know it when I throw hate towards my husband because I think I'm right and he's wrong. During those times I stop in my tracks and pray, "Lord, give me the strength to show love here, because you know I'm struggling to see him as You see him." I'm human. But I try to live my life Running toward the Goal:

Running toward the Goal - Philippians 3:12-16 (Contemporary English Version)
12I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. 13My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. 14I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. 15All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you. 16But we must keep going in the direction that we are now headed.

I strive to grow closer and closer to being just like Jesus all the time. He's not trying to change my personality, He's trying to refine me. For instance, me, I believe Jesus was sarcastic. Just look at some of His interaction w/ Peter, who I so relate to. Jesus totally hung out w/ societies so called bad guys, he didn't stay in his safe group of people who were just like Him. He made people feel good about themselves as they turned from sin. My husband said - He didn't go up to the woman at the well and say, "Hey, slut, can I have a glass of water." No, he showed her love in spite of knowing about her lifestyle and her shunning from society as a result. I want to be like Jesus. I want to love not just the easy to love, but the ones who feel they're unlovable, too.

Anyway, It breaks my heart that people think Christian equals hate of different groups of people. And believe me - I know why they feel that way - there are Christians who in trying to get their point across show hate not love. It's a hard balance. It's passion - I have something - I am so joyful that I have it - I want you to have it, too. Like ice cream . . . only better. :) But in that pursuit we hurt people. I remember once a friend calling me out for telling her I prayed for her and that surely she was smart enough to understand there can only be one truth. Believe what you want - but believe it with all your heart. And I hurt her. And it hurt me, too. It still hurts that I hurt her, because I meant well, but I understand why that was hurtful. In my eagerness to share what I'd found I was too in her face. Our walks w/ the Lord are personal and we need to find our way on our own. Plant some seeds of why you're joyful, but sometimes you have to leave well enough alone and let people walk their own walk to finding Him or not, it's there choice. As is the case with whatever it is you're passionate about. If you love something - admit it - at one time or another you may have passionately told someone they were small minded because they didn't believe what you did.

All this said - it's more difficult today then ever before to live in the USA, as a true believer in Christ. Jesus has slowly lost the center of the country. In God we Trust seems to be just words these days. I know, because I lived in a Christian Country where people said to each other - I'm praying for you and people loved it and fell to their knees hoping you'd do it some more. They didn't understand all people could pray - yet looked for strong believers and leaders to do it for them, but they were not offended and as a country were fighting laws that would take God out of their country. Laws which had been accepted in Great Brittain, of which they are a territory, and the USA, which they so relate to.

However, in Grand Cayman I learned to be more tolerant of difference as a whole. How to be loving towards people who rubbed you the wrong way truly by mistake. Scott can tell you numerous funny stories of how passive-aggressive I would become over what I'd see as insults when really they were just cultural differences. You see there were truly people from all over the world in Cayman and so we saw huge differences in how people interacted acceptably. The questions I received looking back seemed like they came from a child - they were so innocent. Questions and statements like . . . "hey, look at you! you gained weight!" "who's your daughter's real mother? No, really, her real mother." "Why would you adopt a baby instead of having your own?" "I'm going to borrow your computer tonight." "I want to borrow your grill and I need your charcoal and lighter fluid, too." But you learn people are different and it's ok. It's ok. If you think it's funny seeing an American's expression after such comments, you really should have seen a Brittish face. Stoic as they are. My favorite comment coming from one of my best Jamaican friends. She looked at the Governor (equivalent to the President here), a Brittish man, and said, "Governor, you must love the Cayman food, you've put on a lot of weight around the middle!" And then she laughed her Jamaican robust laugh. And he looked at her w/ his very straight trying to smile politely Brittish expression saying "um, yes, I suppose." Difference at it's funniest. I learned to walk up to people and say, "Your butt looks bigger! Hurrah! Did you eat too much?!" OK, maybe not, but I learned from my Jamaican housekeeper daily to take things as they were said and not personally. It was a hard lesson on my "try desperately not to offend be polite" personality.

But back to my passion. I love Jesus. I love the Holy Spirit. And I love God the Father w/ all my heart. I Adore the whole Trinity. He healed me from breast cancer not once, but twice! He took my father home and healed him just in time so he would not have to suffer more here w/ a return of lung cancer. He brought me my children. My husband. He got us through some really, really hard stuff. And he was right there - even when I sulked and was mad. Even then I knew He had joy to give me if I would only reach out and grab hold of it. "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!" And sometimes I turned my back on Him like an angry child saying "I love you Lord, but I'm mad at you. I hate cancer. Can't you do the miracle cure instead of the go through chemo and using doctors to heal me cure. You want me to have a what? A testimony? A greater compassion for those also hurting? OK, I give." In all my happiness in all my pain, He's always been there - I'm the one who blocked Him and everyone else out when I was scared and wanted to be alone. He was always there wanting to hold my hand. In times like those ultimately like that angry child I slowly let a smile go back on my face and through it all mad or not, I've learned I want to Praise Him no matter what! For He owes me nothing - yet He gave me it all.

I love Him. I'm sorry if you read this and don't believe in the Bible or believe in the Lord like I do and therefore take offense. But I assure you in spite of our differences . . . I love you and I am sorry you hurt for whatever you hurt in, too. Of course, I see there only being one truth for there can only be one truth - truth is truth. But that doesn't mean - I don't respect your decision not to agree with me. I wish you a good life. And I'm here for you should you ever want to know what it is that keeps Julie driving on not just in good and bad times, but in the indifferent times which for my personality are often the hardet times of all. They wear me out. I'm here for you. But please don't ask me not to be passionate about my beliefs. For it is when I lose my passion that I feel I'm letting Him down.

Thank you Jesus for loving me in spite of the fact that I'm still human and have made many mistakes. Thank you that each day the burden I carry grows lighter for you continually take it from my arms and say - be joyful my child. I love You. :)

His only assignment to me . . . Love Him and Love my neighbors. And even more importantly His newest command revealed in John - to Love people like He loves them. I call myself a Christian. And so I'm going to try my best, lean on His spirit for help and keep on keeping His assignment. I love you my neighbor, truly I do.

Super Hero or Super Freak? You be the Judge

2009-10-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

I headed to Florida this week. As many of you know many of my doctors are in Florida. Not only my oncology team, but also my plastic surgeon. Let me assure you - once you've found a good plastic surgeon - you stay w/ that plastic surgeon. He becomes your lifelong friend. Some people have lawyers on retainer, I think I shall keep a plastic surgeon there. In other words you can be sure I will not be the one casting stones at Kate Gosselin.

Well, I've arrived in Florida and after pre-op and my oncology check-ups today I'm ready to proceed friday with surgery. It is my second of 3 surgeries I must go through to complete my breast reconstruction. I'm no stranger to this as you know I went through this same process in 2006 on the other side, but still surgery is surgery and it always leaves me a little uneasy as I approach it. You know the stuff. Fearful I'll forget to pack my goofy after surgery shirts. Sexy. Fearful I'll admit something else inappropriately while dozing into or out of anestesia. Fearful the kids will need their favorite pajamas or snack or something that I forgot to leave them prior to my trip. Fearful the hotel won't have TLC on the TV. Fearful, fearful, fearful, cause when I want to be . . . I'm a freak of fears. But my biggest one I had coming into this surgery was that I'll get the silly swine flu from the stale air on my flight down to Florida.

It's a legitimate fear. Both Jesse & I individually but on different dates the week following our flights to Pittsburgh from Grand Cayman ended up in the emergency room diagnosed w/ the flu. Now they don't tell you if it's the swine flu or not. And it really doesn't matter as the flu is the flu and my main concern here is it could keep me from surgery. So Tuesday, I faced my fears head on and jumped on a plane where the flu risk - swine or otherwise - is high.

Now I'm not a complete germ-a-phobe. But I do have some phobe where germs are concerned. You know like opening public bathroom doors w/ my sleeve rather than my hand. That kind. This is most apparent when I walk Lilly w/ me into any public restroom stall. You can hear me the whole time repeatedly saying "Don't touch anything. Noooooo! Don't touch. Noooooo! Aaahhhh! Stand right here. Noooooo! Touch nothing. Dirty. Dirty. Dirtyyyyyyy!" If you're a mother you're with me on this, right?! So if that makes me a germ-a-phobe. Then yes, mame, I'm a germ-a-phobe. But truly. These are the exception. I don't think of myself as living in a plastic bubble.

But Tuesday was different. I was not chancing the flu. So I did it. I bought myself a mask. A mask much like the ones I wore back & forth from Grand Cayman to Tampa when I would come for Chemotherapy. Now it didn't bother me then as at that time I was also bald and missing most of my eyebrows - so the mask - least of my worries on the "do I look okay scale?" if you know what I mean.

But this time I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that myself and only one other woman had a mask for our flights. The other woman had her mask on way before she even got on the plane. Brave! But me, I slithered into my seat, looked apologetically at the man next to me and said, "Don't take this personal. I'm a cancer survivor going for a surgery and can't risk getting sick on the plane." Poor guy! Too much - too much information for someone simply trying to read a book on a plane while thinking "who is that masked woman?" Me, Julie "putting pride aside for the sake of a new breast" Graubard. That's who.

So there you have it. More stories of the adventures of Julie. Super Hero or Super Freak? I'm going w/ freak because everyone knows - if I were a super hero I'd have used my "I dream of Jeanie" powers and head bobbed my way to Florida with a blink of the eyes.

A Side of Being a Young Cancer Survivor Most People Don't Realize Exists

2009-09-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Now let me start this blog by saying "Dear Reader this is not a call for your help." It's simply my venting a side of the whole cancer walk many people will not know is a cause of stress for me. Why would you, for we have been so blessed with friends and family who have helped. Unless of course you know me, really know me, then you might have seen in me how stressful I find this to be.

As a breast cancer survivor, I have had to go through not only 1 or 2 surgeries, but we're up to about 14 by now. Of course, not all of them are major surgeries, but that's the count Scott and I have going. I could count them out for you, but it might bore you almost as much as it bores me. Then there's chemo. Not once did I get to go through this, but twice. Then there's radiation. Ditto. Oh, and did I mention Dr.'s appointments. Countless doctors appointments that will continue perhaps at a lesser rate, but will continue until Kingdom come. Most of you already know all this about me. So why bring it up now at the tail end of this round of surviving breast cancer yet again. I'll tell you why, because it's hard having a young family and continually having to find help for the family as we walk through even the easy stuff like appointments.

But back to my stress point. A lot of these appointments take not only me, but also Scott away from the family. Me, as the patient and Scott as my personal hand holder.

It goes something like this. Who's going to pick Jesse up from school? Oh my, what will the kids eat tonight? McDonalds again? Sure? Are we overburdening Josh, who is constantly the third parent? And now we have baby duty all over again w/ Lilly. Oh no, one of them is in diapers again! This complicates things! And we can't call on someone to watch the little ones who we've just met. I just can't, they hardly know my kids how will I go into surgery or rest in good conscious! Is there a little seat in the operating room we can strap Lilly to, complete with a packet of animal crackers and a bottle? Scott what do we do this time?! Does my Mother have to make another trip with me thus giving up her life in Pennsylvania to do so for another 6 weeks at a time? What about my good friend Lynne? Or Erika? Or Judy? All have put in countless hours. Have we not called on them enough? Do people look at me like I'm an Amway Salesman. Don't make eye contact . . . here she comes!

On a side note, I did rebel a little in 2005 to 2006 against all the appointments in my life. I didn't go to the Dentist. I need the Eye Doctor too much, so I had to go to those appointments. But thank the Lord Jesus I have amazing teeth without cavities. So I skipped Dental cleanings and appointments for a time period, knowing I could get away with it since I'm such a good flosser. When I finally did return to the Dentist. She said with concern in her voice, "What kept you away? Are you afraid of the Dentist?" I exclaimed, "Are you kidding, I love how I feel after a Dental cleaning, I was simply being a rebel where I could get away with it!"

Now while most people do not make us feel this way, it's still a burden on my little heart. I ache thinking, who can I ask this time to help out. Nobody, except maybe, maybe Scott will ever realize how draining this is on my personality type. The, "please don't let anyone think I am taking advantage of them, I hate to have to overburden people, I like doing stuff myself" personality type. Sounds like pride, huh? Pride with a small mix of paranoia mixed in, but it's there and it's real and it stresses me out almost more than the silly disease itself has. And it's time to go through this yet again as I head back to Florida for surgery #2 of my reconstruction surgeries. Yay me!

On a good note, and there's always a good note, I praise God I am healthy. And as I prepare for my next surgery while also preparing to find help with the kids, I remind myself, this, too, shall pass. This too, I shall survive. But if you're reading and you've ever helped for a day or for more days than you can count. Then know I love you. Both Scott and I do more than you'll ever know. And thank you in the future for daring to make eye contact w/ me even as you see my next surgery coming up, for it tells me you understand my angst of asking for help I never planned on needing. We have amazing friends and family. We are blessed.

As always I thank you for all the prayers along the way.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
- Philippians 4:13

Love you all,

Julie and the family

Island Girl - trapped on land

2009-09-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I wrote, so today w/ all this Julie/Julia movie stuff going on like so many others I felt I must get at it. Yes, of course. Maybe I need to write about what it's like to be a survivor - not just of breast cancer, but of reconstruction surgery, too. Maybe I should write about it once a day for 365 days. Or maybe I should write about whatever it is Julie wrote about for 365 days while she cooked from Julia's cookbook. What? Or maybe I should write about what it's like to move back to the US after 2 years in the Carribean writing about what the weather was like each of the 365 days per year that we were there. Sunny, 1000 degrees, w/ a chance of showers for about 1 hour that will make it hot, hot, hotter later in the day.

Seriously folks, it's been a long time since I blogged and I look back embarrassed that the last thing I wrote about was the infamous Jon & Kate when even Jon & Kate don't care about Jon & Kate anymore.

So let's just start w/ a quick update. Since leaving Grand Cayman we've had quite the ride. Josh left Cayman at the end of June the day after school was out at Triple C. Jesse, Lilly and I left on July 6. We headed to Beaver, Pennsylvania for the first leg of our adventures beyond Cayman. It started out a good trip, but ended in a blur for me as I got sick and ended up leaving Pennsylvania for Ohio in an achy state. So after about a 10 day stay w/ my Mom in PA, we headed for Ohio to stay w/ my friend Lynne at her farm in Alger, Ohio where we were reunited w/ our dog, Lucy, who barked at us at first and then looked at us like we seemed familiar. Then you could see on her face the "Oh yes, it's my family!"

Alger is right outside of the town of my Alma Mater, Ohio Northern University located in Ada, Ohio. Ada, Ohio where I had lived for not only 4 years for College (in the day when parents said you will be in college for 4 years period and they meant it). Then after a couple of years back in my hometown I returned to Ada, Ohio where I was employed in Admissions for 8 years. So as you can see - I spent 12 years in old Ada, so it was nice to return - however, I was still sick and really didn't get to enjoy it. Keep reading I promise our adventures get more exciting as I did head to Florida from there for Reconstruction. Yay me!

After a short stint in Ohio at Lynne's, the kids, Lynne and I loaded up in her car and headed to Florida. I had reserved a cottage to live in for the month as I knew from previous reconstruction surgery that I needed to be in town near the Doctor for follow-up appointments and recovery for at least a month. Lynne kindly agreed to help w/ this. Now lest Scott or my Mom are reading - they did both come and take care of me, too, but Lynne was the one who was there the whole time. God bless her. So in a cottage on Treasure Island became home July 19-August 19 (my 9th wedding anniversary I might add).

On August 19th Lynne, the kids and I loaded up the car and returned to Ohio. Now you may be wondering (or maybe you aren't) where Josh & Scott & Garbo ended up. Josh had been visiting his Mom in Pennsylvania and friends in Florida throughout the month of June, July & into early August. Scott arrived in Florida for my surgery w/ Garbo in tow the weekend before my surgery. Garbo had a short stay w/ our crazy friends Matt & Robin and their kids who foolishly loved on both our dogs before we went to Cayman. But back to the boys & Garbo. Scott returned to Cayman to finish out his contract out which was up on August 4th. So in August Josh, Scott & Garbo headed north together and made a stop to see David & Megan on their way to Ohio where they met up w/ us a day after the little ones and I returned to Ohio. Now, Scott, Josh, Jesse, Lilly, Lucy & Garbo and I are all in Ohio. The girls (including the dogs who are girls as you know) are at Lynne's home and the boys are staying w/ our friend Pat. And this is home for the moment. The kids are enrolled in the Ada Schools and we have a home to rent which we can get into hopefully in a week. So here we are in Ohio awaiting our next move. And there you go. You're caught up.

Keep on me now as I need to keep writing.

Love you all & ask for continued prayer for direction as the job search continues.

Julie

Jon and Kate plus a sad fan

2009-06-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

I know it's ridiculous, but I am so saddened by Jon & Kate and their recent separation. Are they victims of stupidity! Did plastic surgery & pedicures & hairstyles make their harmless little life of parenting all those kids go down a wrong path? Sure. But who of us would pass up a free tummy tuck?! Is Kate mean? Sure. Does John put on blinders and seem oblivious most of the time when there are 8 kids to be parented? Sure. But they sound like normal parents of lots of kids that forgot they need God in the middle as it's hard. It's so hard. I mean is Kate mean or is John a slacker? Both. Which came first . . . the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Why isn't someone counseling them to get through this - they've invested so much and were just about to get them all in school. We can all be judgy - but the truth is they are marriage today. It's hard. Hard I tell you . . . but if he did not cheat, if they really are both believers - I so wish someone would pray and pray hard w/ them to fix this and take a break from the media. Am I passionate about this? No, why do you ask?!I need a sandwich.

The Grand Grill of Grand Cayman's for Sale . . . Twice

2009-06-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

Since we will be moving - we had our garage sale to sell a few things. Good idea. Mostly we are selling our toys as we don't own much in the kitchen or elsewhere and we'd already donated clothes.

So we had two big items . . . a crib . . . and the infamous huge grill we inherited. It's been a good grill in spite of our having the little roadside charcoal grill God sent us during our first Hurricane here, but still - the big grill was a nice addition to our grill owning.

Well, as you can imagine this grill was a great find for many. Too many it seems.

We sold the grill to a very nice man - a man who said "a nice man let me park here during a hurricane once . . . Scott." This man is a new grandfather & we doted on his grandbaby. We were happy to bless this man. He'd come hoping our charcoal grill was on sale - had his sites on it from the road hoping it would be for sale. And then he found the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman in our garage. I had to tell him, I'd love to sell you the grill, but a woman came by this morning and I promised her I'd wait until tonight when her husband could come by and inspect it. So he went on his way - still he stopped by once in the afternoon to see if she'd called back.

So I decided. Here's an eager buyer, I'm going to call the woman who spoke for the grill and ask her if she is indeed still interested. See when she saw the grill - she'd inquired about it and our car as well. And then a friend drove by and she asked him to look at the grill. They went on their way promising to call back or stop back in the early evening.

I called the woman and asked. Do you still think you are interested in the grill? I have a man particularly interested and so if you are not, I was going to let him have it. She said, oh my husband has not responded so if you have a buyer let him have it. I promised her I'd call her should he change his mind and it still be on sale.

Our buyer eagerly came & paid for the grill excited about his new purchase. He and Scott made plans to meet up in the morning to load the grill in his vehicle so he could take it home.

Off I went to work yesterday morning, telling Marcia, Scott will be home at some point as we sold the grill in the garage & the man is coming to pick it up. I went off to work, knowing Scott would take care of this.

Mid-morning a call came from the buyer. "I'm here to pick up my grill and your babysitter says she sold the grill to a man who came & paid her and took it away." "What?!" I exclaimed. "Where is Scott?" "Scott was going to leave the grill outside as I couldn't meet him when he was available, but your babysitter said someone came and gave her $100 and she sold the grill." "What?! Let me talk to her."

Well, after all was said and done. All Marcia knew was someone was coming to get the grill. And someone did. And they paid her for it. Leaving one sad man, w/ a rack of ribs to barbecue waiting at home and another man . . . who we suspect was the friend of the original lady who was going to buy it - who is happy and grilling like crazy today.

The man who was sad did have such integrity as he was angry. But he came back and kindly paid $10 for the monitor set we had given him telling him no worries pay us tomorrow. We tried to gift these to him, but he insisted. He's a great man. I called the first lady and asked for the grill back, but she said it was not her husband and if she heard anything about the grill she'd call back. She never did - but she did have the same name as the name Marcia said was the friend of the man who purchased. Yeesh!

Praying guy #2 comes back, but figuring it's in God's hands now.

And so it is w/ the Grand Grill of Grand Cayman . . .

The end.

I'm out of control

2009-06-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Today has been stressful to me. I've been on edge and I realize it's all about control issues. Further, as I was thinking about it I realized - it's not God who I don't want to have control of my life. It's everyone else.

You see, I'm one of those people who will do anything to stay out of conflict. And sometimes that means I actually cause it. In fact in my pursuit of pleasing and getting along with others - I try to make peace come even at the expense of my unrest. And most of the time I do it quite passive-aggressively I might add.

So as I pondered this today. I realized I think where I struggle is the idea that others have any control over my life. Sometimes I give it to them. Often in fact. Sometimes I seek approval so much that I give up a part of myself trying to get it. At times I've caught myself actually seeking other people's approval so much that I forget it's really God's approval I should be seeking. Period. But then there are other times when I feel like people feel they have the right to inflict their needs or their time constraints on me so much that I lose control in that way as well. I think this one is harder for me. This is when my well-developed ability to feel guilt works on me the hardest. This is especially difficult for me when it moves into my family life. It's when it's affecting my family that I find myself most irritable. A Bear protecting her cubs!

This lead me into a deeper question for myself. When other people feel the need to inflict their needs on my family. Am I angry because they are taking control of my time? Or am I angry because I've lost my own overzealous control of things?

I gladly give God control over my family's life. In fact I prefer it for I know His plans for our life are meant for good. However, I do not know whether or not I want to give it up to other people. This is something I will continue to pray and ponder.

Julie thoughts about the Conflicted . . .

2009-05-31T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just received one of those forwarded emails about how God is mentioned in every state constitution of the United States. A reminder in the beginning He was welcomed into the USA.

You know what's saddens me in general. In the US you see such conflict - you see it in Cayman, too. People say - don't let God be a part of decisions - it's an infringement on rights of those who don't believe - right?! That's cool if you want to live that way US - but then why the heck do people expect Him to show up or ask why He doesn't when a tragedy happens. I thought you didn't believe so why do you have expectations of Him in your world. Hmmmmm. Conflicted peoples. I'd say.

I mentioned this to my husband, Scott, and he reminds me . . .

Through out history God has answered the prayers of the few who remained faithful. Remember Elijah and the Prophets of Baal?. I choose to be one of the faithful. I pray for the strength and determination to be faithful at any cost.

I have to say . . .

Agreed. Amen.

Cling to His neck. He hears you.

Waiting is hard

2009-05-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

Just felt like sharing my feelings. I say I am a Christian and that is true. But today I feel like I'm failing somehow.

When we came to Cayman we signed on for a 2 year contract. But we never knew when we'd leave we'd have no answers as to what's next. Now, no one knows better than we do that life happens no matter how much you try to take control, so you might as well just give. But that said - I'm still trying to hang onto control! So I pray the mighty prayer God has given me "Lord, I know you promise to take all things from us if we let you . . . so please, Lord, help me to loosen my grasp on this and give it to you."

I feel like that selfish girl on Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. "I want an Oompa Loompa now!" For I want answers now!

I want to know - what is next for the Graubards. The economy is bad . . . not just in the US, but in Cayman as well. Cayman just doesn't realize it yet - but it's a coming. If the US fails - we fail here as we are a tourist industry.

But that all said - it doesn't matter as it's not about material things. We've had material things - they don't protect you from cancer - and you can tell me go green, go organic all you want - I am not the statistic that gets cancer - did you hear me - I am not the statistic they expect - I eat whole wheat bread and vegetables - prefer them to sugar (mostly) so stop w/ your organic eat well advice - it didn't stop me from getting cancer.

The good news. The Lord pulled me through - not once, but twice. I am healed and that is enough for me. Cancer taught me way more than anything else in my life - so make no mistake - God has been good to me.

But I am scared, frustrated and unhappy not knowing what's next. Still I cling to my faith. He feeds the birds and dresses the flowers. We will be ok. Still my stomach hurts. Thanks for listening.

Prayers welcomed. :)

"So, What is Your Prognosis?"

2009-05-03T07:34:00.001-07:00

“So, What is Your Prognosis?”
By Julie Graubard
April 14, 2009

The other day I was at the beach w/ my family and some family friends when the question came. “Julie, so what is your prognosis?” I’ve only ever heard the question a handful of times. Each time I’ve heard those words directed toward me I’ve felt like my heart would stop and my face would turn white. I would stumble over words for an answer to assure them I’m fine. What I really want to do is shout, “My prognosis is good! You didn’t know that? How could you even ask? How could you not know that? I’m fine! Just as fine as you are!” But instead I say, “Oh, good, quite good, I’ve been given a clean bill of health.” Following a question like that, I try desperately to make sure they know I’m ok. I’d be lying if I told you the conversation is over in my mind. The thoughts following the conversation stay w/ me in the pit of my stomach for days. The reality that I have had a disease which has left people w/ that question in their mind is disturbing to me. This brings home the harsh reality that I truly had been a very sick girl, one who has left people concerned for my well-being.

Despite how hard it is to hear this question, I’d rather people ask. The reality is not many people have the nerve to ask the question, but when they do I’m left with an unsettled feeling. Make no mistake I prefer people to ask the question to the many in my path who must be wondering about my prognosis even though they do not ask. For since they do not ask I do not know to answer them. I wonder do they sit around assuming I will always be sick or this horrible disease called cancer could take my life. Maybe I’m self-absorbed for thinking anyone is thinking about my family. But people are curious. And there are those who have prayed for us along the way. Some heard of our family through the kids’ school, others who see us at church each week watch my hair slowly grow back. I want to offer them my answer.

When something like cancer hits your family, you may recover; but your life has changed forever. In a way it is a good change. You are aware of your blessings like never before. It’s possibly a better way to live, but it also leaves you feeling different. My friend calls it “the other side of the street” – the feeling you get when your extreme circumstances make your life significantly different from others. It is like you are stuck on the other side of the street away from those walking the so-called normal path. Some refer to it as a “new” normal type of life. Me, I tend to just think I don’t fit. Period. At least not in the way I used to. If I’m to be politically correct I might refer to myself as differently-abled. I feel different from everyone else. While maybe I hyper perceive everyone seeing me as different, there are still many who do

For me, feeling like I no longer fit in shows its ugly face in many ways. One is how vulnerable my own body has become – like it has let me down in some way. Other times I’m angry others seem to me to be exempt from sickness and that I failed because it happened to me. We all feel exempt or invincible sometimes – why wouldn’t we when we’ve never experienced stuff such as cancer or loss of a spouse or a child or a tragedy along those line? But I assure you of this - once you’ve experienced one of these types of extreme vulnerabilities, you never go back to a normal life. You realize you are indeed vulnerable to life and what it throws at you. You ultimately have absolutely no control. Sure you can make wise choices and live a responsible life, a healthy life, but I assure you, it’s a fallen world and life will still happen. The only real control you do have is how you will respond. Will you turn to the Lord or go it alone?

That day at the beach, I answered my prognosis is good. But really, my prognosis is as good as anyone else’s. But do we all see that?

This brings to me my own question for everyone else. So, what is your prognosis? I mean, do you really know? Our days are numbered and no one really knows when the Lord will come and take us home. How do you answer? What is your prognosis?

An acquaintance who works in the front office at my boys’ school just lost her husband a few weeks ago. He was not sick. This woman, a kind woman who I would often stop and talk with & who seemed to adore Lilly was a bright spot in my day. Now suddenly she has been sent flying by a hurricane strength wind to the other side of the street as she became a widow. Her husband was flown from Grand Cayman Island to Miami, Florida in an emergency helicopter after being diagnosed w/ a stroke/blood clot and died within the week. This was a shock to the family. It was completely unexpected. Apparently his prognosis was not good, but no one knew that. No one would have asked. Certainly if I had met him I imagine it never would have crossed my mind to say, “So, what is your prognosis?” The question would sound absurd.

This is proof positive to me the one thing we can be sure of is whether or not we will choose to walk through life w/ Jesus by our side. Will we ask him into our life? You see I do know my prognosis is good in one way. We had a friend named Frank. Frank battled cancer himself. If you asked Frank how he was doing he’d say, “I’m good. I can’t lose. If God heals me . . . then I am blessed to stay here much longer to be with my friends and family. But if he takes me home to be with the Lord . . . than I am blessed.” Frank was right. He realized something we all should. With Jesus our prognosis is good.

I hope God let’s me live for many more years. Through the ups and downs this life on earth brings I continue to cling to Him, begging Him to draw me in closer. Like everyone else out there who knows Jesus, my prognosis is good. Excellent really. For I know the Lord, Jesus and with him by my side, leading me . . . I cannot lose.

I may be different, but it’s a good different. Cancer helped me to see that.

We have two great choices to make in life. Will we give our lives completely to the Lord? Yes or No. And if we do, will we follow his most important assignment. Will we lead others to Him? I ask you again . . . So, what is Your Prognosis?

A letter I wrote to our home church, the Vineyard Church of Clearwater

2009-05-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

A letter I wrote to our home Church, Vineyard Church of Clearwater for their Talent Night where they showed off their God-given creativity as a form of Worship. My friend, Janet reported it was well attended w/ 60 guests as many attended as attend any church service and very interactive with many "gifts" presented. There were more than 20 persons presenting objects and about the same number doing stage things. I believer seeds were planted, they were planted indeed.

May, 2, 2009

Hi all,

I wish I could be with you in person for your talent night! For I know it will be a great event. So know that I am praying for you from a far. Praying the Lord will bless this event more than you even can imagine at the time of the event. That seeds will be planted to later be harvested.

Since I was unable to be there I am sending you my essay, “So, What is Your Prognosis?” I started writing it one day as I was journaling. Tonight I send you the finished, edited copy. But there is more to this essay then you will read. This essay became a part of a vision I kept having to have church by the sea. The event you prayed for just last weekend entitled, “Sharing from the Heart.”

Sharing from the Heart was an amazing event. We bought pizza & pop and brought my friend, Lisa, an amazing Worship Leader and held church facing out at the beautiful Caribbean Sea. As our guests looked up front at us they were also watching the sun setting behind us as we praised God and shared his Word. Amazing! Something only He could have created.

But there is more. It’s not a numbers game, but 40 people showed up. Our pizza and pop were like the loaves and the fishes as they multiplied leaving us w/ leftovers. People generously donated covering all our cost. But that’s not the important stuff either. The important stuff was the comments. We were able to pray for the lady in my essay who lost her husband just weeks before. A good friend of ours Mom, whom we adore, commented if we did this weekly she would attend. She stays home from church each week as her husband a strong believer goes. And most importantly of all. A co-worker of Scott’s showed up in his office this week to say, “I’m really close to giving my life to the Lord since I heard Julie’s testimony on Sunday.” Scott said, “Why wait, let’s do it now.” And there in his office at work she gave her life to the Lord. If that one life is why God gave me a Vision for this event, it was worth it. If this one life is why we were even sent to Grand Cayman, it was worth it.

So while I wish I could be there in person, I send my thoughts via an essay.

Enjoy & be blessed,

Julie Graubard
Running Towards the Goal - Phil. 3:12-16

You're Invited . . .

2009-04-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Sharing What's on the Heart ♥

You’re Invited!

A night of Praise & Worship, One Girl’s Story & a little Pizza & Fellowship, too!

Join my friend, Lisa, & I and our husbands as we share w/ you Worship & A Message from My Heart entitled "So, What's Your Prognosis?" - One Girl's Testimony of What she learned through her Walk through Breast Cancer not once - but twice? Come find out how in spite of the trails we faced as a family, we found blessings and peace along the way. If you get nothing else out of it you'll have great fellowship & laughs - lots of laughs - come here my story! Who knew Breast Cancer and trials had a funny side?!

Date: Sunday, April 26, 2009
Time: 5:00pm - 7:00pm
Food & Fellowship: 5:00 p.m.
Worship & My story begins: 5:45 p.m.
RSVP: princessjulie1213@gmail.com for details & location
Bring $5 if you're keen for Pizza (we're ordering in)!
We'll provide beverages.

We hope you can make it!

The Moo Farm

2009-03-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official, we have found the Moo Farm. The Moo Farm you ask? What's that? Well, thanks for asking, I'd love to fill you in.

If you haven't visited us yet than you are not aware of the fact that just down the road from us is a big field where there are generally anywhere from 4 to 6 cows tied up grazing. We've always enjoyed watching the cows as we walk or drive by. But nobody enjoys them as much as Lilly.

Anytime you mention the cows she gets really excited and starts mooing. And it's a very sweet & drawn out Mooooooooooo! Well, Scott started a routine w/ her. Around dinnertime she is often a little fussy as she's hungry and usually getting tired. So in an effort to help me out, Scott started taking her for walks to see the Moos. So now at the first site of Scott as he returns from work, Lilly goes running to him jumping around happily, going Moooo, Moooo. And she jumps in her stroller and they are off.

In their daily adventures several things have happened by the moos. Always funny stories. And Scott has met the farmer, of course, and the caretaker of the cows, also an of course. And he's learned about the Moos. So they have learned most of the Moos are quite friendly and it's ok to pet them. Except for the mean Moo who they know to stay away from. So we do enjoy driving by day and night and watching them.

But the field moos aren't the greatest thing we've discovered. On one of their walks Scott & Lilly found the actual Moo Farm. A pen with several young cows just one neighborhood over. They drove me by once and I fell in love.

So in an attempt to have fun w/ Lilly one day, Jesse, Lilly, my babysitter, Marcia & I all drove to the Moo Farm when we were taking Marcia home. And Lilly started Mooooing out the window. Then one cow started Mooing back. Then Lilly and I would moo some more and then one by one like crazy sounding windchimes they were mooing at us. We were all laughing hysterically, but no one was laughing as hard as Marcia. She said, "Julie, they are angry at us! They think we've come to feed them and now we aren't. They see your car pull up and it's feeding time and you aren't feeding them!" Very funny, poor cows.

Turns out, that's true. I hope their food came shortly after. Well, not really.

When we drive by as much as I like meat, I see these sweet little faces and start calling them baby and then start shouting "Don't eat! It's a trick" Of course, I knew this, but it was never so evident as when many of them disappeared during the Christmas Season.

Now it's become routine sort of, Jesse has taken over for me yelling "Don't Eat!" But Lilly quickly counters "Eat!" Nice, right.

So what I've learned about all of this is Moos may come and go in your life, but Lilly proves to me the best thing to do is to just continue visiting the Moo Farm and be happy to see whoever is out waiting to Moo back.

My Son the Famous Shoe Kicker!

2009-02-23T04:13:00.001-08:00

Jesse had Field Day this past Friday and so I went to cheer him on. But more importantly he came home w/ a blue ribbon for 1st place. He's so proud of it. He carried it to the supermarket and everywhere else we went all day. At what event did he win? The Shoe kick of course.

The PE teacher explained, you will untie your shoe & pull your heel out and just have the front of your foot in the shoe & then toss it as far as you can, blah, blah, blah. I say blah, blah, blah, as after she gave her explanation of the event - they heard no more. Instead like Graduation Caps soaring through the air - so it was w/ shoes flying everywhere. I was giggling so hard as I was texting the scene to Scott. I said - they so need video of this - she's lost all control and it's so funny.

Then it happened. Right before Jesse's big win, the 2nd grade boys stood on the line preparing to kick - I said, "Jesse," and then looked to the boys around him, too, & said - "you guys know - kick out - not up!" And they smiled agreeing.

So I watched from the sidelines like any proud Mom as my son's shoe flew through the air over the teachers' heads (he says he hit one - which makes me aware it could have gone even further) and by no question at all - his shoe went the furthest by a long shot. And I cheered and he smiled from ear to ear as those kids always beat him in the races and he was so proud!

It was so funny! I love that a Graubard won such a silly event! Sketchers. That's the key. I knew they were shoes that rocked!

Tiny Dancer Busts a Move

2009-01-19T09:07:00.001-08:00

I've had a little bit of a hard time adjusting to being a mostly stay at home mommy w/ a baby again so I decided to try out this play group thing. It wasn't intimidating as it's held at a community center as opposed to someone's house. The first 1.5 hours is just free play & they have a craft table where they have a craft they can make. Lilly made a frog w/ my help. Therefore, I had fun. They also have little kid food & coffee for grown-ups. A nice touch. But the best time for both Lilly & I was the last half hour when they put away the toys & replace them w/ instruments. At that time they do music time playing songs such as the Wheels on the Bus. In case you didn't know, Lilly loves to dance thus her nickname Tiny Dancer. Anyway, so she started out shy sitting on my lap and sort of shaking the bells they gave her. But it didn't take her long to get up & go into full routine taught to her by Josh where she points her fingers & pumps her arms. She marched to the middle of the room to perform her little dance. It might not have been quite as funny to everyone else, but I had the picture going through my head of Josh dancing w/ her. It was sort of like the end of Little Miss Sunshine - only not as rude. Very, very funny. Josh calls her Mini-Me. I assure you, Mini-Me made him proud today.

Out w/ the Old

2008-12-31T05:26:00.000-08:00

I need to start out by telling you a story of how my New Years Eve began this morning. This morning Lilly was kind of grumbling in her crib, but I was still in that half asleep state until I heard this sound "ssssssssssss" - Lilly had removed her diaper and was peeing on her crib mattress. Out w/ the old. Scott tells me this is funny. Sort of - or at least now. As she was very proud of herself. He said, look, she's that much closer to potty training, she didn't like being wet. Yep. Good perspective . . . now that I'm awake that is.

So let me leave you on this beautiful sunny New Years Eve w/ these thoughts that I shared w/ my E-Bible Study group. We are studying the book "The Shack" which I highly recommend you read this coming year. Here goes as I wrote it to the group this comment by God in the book:

I also highlighted on page 187 "So when you don't hear me the first time, I'm not frustrated or disappointed. I'm thrilled. Only forty-six more times to go. And that first time will be a building block to construct a bridge of healing that one day - that today - you will walk across."

Isn't that how it is even w/ us when we are planting seeds of faith. So maybe our neighbor doesn't get it right away. Doesn't understand why we follow the Lord, but they see something in us that turns into a seed that is planted in them. And then w/ each seed planted we bring them closer to knowing the Lord. It is so true in our faith walk and bringing others to Jesus.

I thought that paragraph was cool. As it reminded me just like God - we need to be patient and let God's work fall into place and try not to be discouraged when we don't get instant results. - just keep walking the walk and let the Lord use you and others to keep planting seeds in people's lives day by day as it's all worth it. Like my friend Jillian who came to the Lord through befriending me, her silly Bible thumping neighbor - cause that's how she saw us. To her Scott & I were these people always having churchy friends over and her husband, Kevin, told us later that they always hoped that they didn't get invited to our pizza gatherings. Then one day after Jillian and I both had small babies she started taking walks w/ me and started realizing I wasn't just a freak and she wanted to know more about my faith and then she ultimately had some other stuff happen w/ others speaking into her and her husbands lives as well and then they came to the Lord and their ministry is huge now. Meanwhile at the same time I was trying my best to plant seeds in my other neighbor who was very much against my pushing my Christianity walk on her. She was a friend who I was and am very close to so I had this sense of urgency for her to have what I'd found in Jesus. Eventually I realized through the Jillian experience that I may have planted a seed or two in my friend, but someone else would probably be the one to plant the seeds that seal the deal and eventually bring her to the Lord. I'm still waiting, as Christianity is something we don't talk about anymore but I do believe the Lord will use someone else to plant the final seeds that draw her close. Anyway, I learned this from the Jillian experience. As here is how the Jillian story played out. Jillian and her husband did start coming to church and ultimately accepted the Lord. So later one day one of Jill's closest friends said to me - we were so glad you and your husband came into their lives -we've been trying to speak into their lives forever. But God used you guys. Scott & I got to plant the final seeds. So you see - it doesn't matter where you are in the seed planting business - You just hope and pray that you are leaving seeds behind in your walk and they are taking people one step closer to the Lord. Even when we don't see it.

Happy Seed Planting in the year to come!

Blessings,

Julie & Scott & the gang

Miss Lilly has been w/ us for 6 months!

2008-12-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

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A Ta-Da Moment

2008-10-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I forgot this great Ta-Da Lilly Moment! Scott just reminded me of another Lilly story.

One day we were at our church. It was after the evening service & Lilly was crawling around. And our friend, Ingrid, was making all over her. Well, at one moment I was busy talking to someone else and Scott was nearby Ingrid & Lilly. Lilly kept crawling up the carpeted steps to the stage (about 4 or 5 steps) when all of the sudden Lilly started to fall down the stairs. Ingrid caught the flying baby in a single bound by throwing herself through the air. Even though Ingrid caught Lilly mid air thus keeping her safe - Lilly still was wide-eyed and began to cry (but honestly I think Ingrid was even more wide-eyed and shaken). Scott quickly jumped in to crying Lilly and said "Ta-Da!" And Lilly went from tears to a big smile as she threw her arms out in the air & said, "Ta-Da!" And all was well again in her world.

So in our family Lilly has taught us when life gives you lemons a Ta-Da is needed is needed indeed. And Ingrid taught us how to fly through the air at the drop of a hat if needed. Honestly I think the Ta-Da Moment belonged to Ingrid. But Funny Girl got the laugh.

Anything For A Laugh

2008-10-14T11:45:00.001-07:00

Lately, I find myself doing what most new mother's do w/ their friends & family. I find myself telling people all the stuff Lilly is doing. But in that Scott & I find humor in the midst of everything - it's the humorous I tend to share. So I was just writing to my friend, Lynne, and I said - Lilly has done so many funny things that I should blog about it. And so here I am.

Lest you wonder if God is in control - let me tell you a little about our Lilly. I was telling my sister a funny Lillyism the today & commenting on how much she does that is just like the rest of our family, so I know God picked her out just for us. My sister responded w/ something along these lines. "God's in control . . . imagine that. :) I think it took God so long to bring her to you as he was trying to find the right wacky child to fit into your family. "

I must tell you I fully agree w/ those words. Lilly is (Bianchi)Graubard through and through. She will do anything for a laugh. Sound familiar.

What prompted my sister's comment was my comment about Lilly biting my port. You heard me correctly. First, here's a port lesson. A port is that bump I have on my chest that was surgically put in and leads directly to a major vein so when I was having chemo my veins wouldn't collapse. This particular port I had put in this time was ugly. You know how I know - if I didn't already think so myself - many an ignorant soul has felt the need to tell me. I'm not holding grudges. It is particularly ugly - they had to put it up very high on my chest wall up near my collar bone this time due to not wanting to mess w/ my reconstructive surgery from 2006 from my last round of this when they hooked me up and fixed things following surgery on that side. Anyway, so I have this ugly port. And I don't hold grudges because when people say stuff like "that's uglu" to me - I think - they must have just had a stupid moment - no one can possibly insult like that if they are thinking. So most times it just made me laugh later at the ignorance due to the stupid gene we all have from time to time. Rabbit trailed - supposed to be talking about Lilly. I'm getting there though - promise.

So Lilly and the port. Lilly is particularly good at cuddling and giving hugs & kisses. So just the other day she leaned in close to me for what unsuspecting me thought would be a hug and next thing I know I'm yelling "OWWWWWW!" and yelling at Lilly to stop it. She had leaned in and bit the skin covering my port. I didn't laugh in front of her, of course, as she'd have certainly done it again for another laugh at another time. But I did laugh. I laughed because I'd have done the same thing. In fact, if I could reach it w/ my mouth - I might have tried to bite it. Kidding. I think. Anyway, as a kid for sure I would have done it - she was just curious - it is odd. A girl after my own heart. Curiousity got the best of her.

Other funny Lillyism.

Many of you know the story of Gideon putting out a fleece to see if God was really w/ him. Well. If we had put out the fleece - this would have been our kind of test and let me tell you - God is w/ us. Lilly took a domino and place it in her mouth w/ it sticking out like a T from her mouth. Stop it worriers - I am the Queeen of worry and the dominos are way too big for her to swallow & not made out of lead paint or anything but plastic. Back to the story. So Scott being Scott took more dominos and placed them going the other direction making a cross and stacked 3 more on the first domino. Lilly kept her lip out the whole time letting him do it. And it wasn't a one time deal - she'll do her trick for anyone who wants to see it. Lilly is one of us beyond a shadow of a doubt. Oh and for those who know her . . . my friend Judy, who I am staying w/ while I go through my radiation treatments, can stack up to 4 dominoes on her own original domino when she does the same trick as Lilly. Yay Judy!!!!!!! Now Judy just needs to get down the "ta-da's" that Lilly does after a trick.

Whom. What else. Words. Josh teaches her very funny words for a baby. She pronounces the words and says them in a voice you'd have to hear yourself words like - excellent, onion, Garbo, and whatever else Josh can think of which he feels will sound funny coming out of her mouth. Gramma Kay also got in on the scene by teaching her "yellow." Very funny as it's a trick for her tongue to say that one. Lilly is a copycat for sure. You say it and she repeats it. You do it and she will do it. Very smart little one. Her language skills are right there w/ any 16 mos. old, so no worries there. Although sometimes I do think she speaks some Chinese words. I pray she's not swearing at us, but I do think she speaks Chinese occasionally. Not a stretch . . . she's Chinese afterall.

But my favorite Lillyism now may be the one to bite me in the port in her teenage years. Whenever I tell her no she stops what she's doing, doesn't even really get mad at me - jus tlooks over and scrunches up her face until I laugh out loud. This is going to be my challenge. I must stop laughing in front of her. Yeesh. And Scott, Josh & Jesse are no help at all as they all egg her on.

Lilly "Anything for a laugh" Graubard. Graubard through and through.

Chemotheropy Complete!

2008-09-16T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

This is a quick blog - but I wanted you to know Chemo is done - finished - complete! I made all six treatments w/ God's grace & now I am recovering rather nicely I might add. I start radiation in October for 28 treatments & will head into Christmas w/ my nice boyish style rockstar hairstyle & can move on to just loving on Lilly & the rest of the family for that matter! Just checking in as I know many worry when you have not heard from me, but suffice it to say I was just resting and getting better. Most side effects behind me at this point - just still a little tired.

Love & Kisses & Bless those around you today,

Julie

Off to Tampa for Chemo #6

2008-09-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Just reporting in to let you know I am off to Tampa to Moffitt Cancer Center for my final chemo session. I always get a little anxious about getting a chemo as I know what a week from now could bring in terms of anxiety if I let it. So as I close in on my last chemo I ask if you will to pray w/ me for an easy chemo - which just does what it needs to & gets out w/ out my suffering (or the family for that matter) from many side effects.

I head to Tampa on Monday w/ Lilly in tow & my Mom will be meeting us there. Then I return to Grand Cayman on Thursday. I'll talk to you when I get back, but if I don't blog quickly - know that I am resting and will when I am up to it.

Thanks as always for the prayers.

Love & Be Blessed,

Julie

When it Rains it Gustavs

2008-08-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

So it seems we have a hurricane on the way through the Cayman Islands. So we are prepared and will keep you posted. My poor Mom flew here to help us out & now she gets to be here for a potential hurricane coming to greet her.

We are not worried as we are no strangers to hurricane preparations. But if you want to help - say some prayers & you know what I always pray. I pray the storm into the water. You know to fizzle out as we don't want it hitting someone else either.

Oh and as is common w/ chemo treatments there is a cycle you go through each time. So first I feel miserable & then I feel some bone pain from the blood boosting medicine and then I start feeling like my old self. I'm on my way to feeling like my old self again and in much better spirits since I wrote out how I was really doing. I have to imagine you are praying for us as we are all in much better spirits for that matter.

Be blessed & keep the prayers coming,

Julie & the Graubard Crew

Just telling you how it is . . .

2008-08-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

That seems an appropriate title for this blog. This long awaited blog. I will just give updates in all areas. But I also felt if my testimony is to be real than I need to share how I am really feeling these days. It's been a hard summer and so I won't sugar coat it - but I will share the joys as well for even now I do know God is in it.

Lilly - amazing little being. She could not be cuter if she tried. And she continues to sleep through the nights - take good naps - laugh & make everyone laugh w/ her. She seems to know life is good for her & it's as if she knows the blessings deep in her heart. But the truth is - we are not the blessing placed in Lilly's life. She is the blessing placed in ours. Lilly's smile give me hope. She helps me to see life through eyes of someone who hasn't always known the privileges I have. I think the family in completion would agree w/ that statement - but it is one that is completely true for me. Lilly is my hope. My hope that life can and will get better and even if it doesn't we are blessed.

Jesse - he loves being a big brother. It's been long awaited. He is an expert in everything Lilly. He & Josh started school on Monday, so it's a little quieter around the house these days. He's been my little buddy for so long it's odd to have a little girl trailing around. But make no mistake he's still my little boy I tell him no matter how big he gets.

Josh - also loves his new little sister. He is a huge help & it is good to have him home after a long summer away. He has grown up. I can see the Holy Spirit living through him in ways I never did before. I am grateful for him.

Scott's job is a challenge, but he is always good w/ a challenge. I imagine he feels good getting out of the house as I have not been easy. We are still in search of a church home, but have made friends at two different churches. We have met some amazing individuals at both churches and that is good. But still we search for a church where the Holy Spirit is welcome, the teaching is good & the people truly reach out beyond the walls of the building. It seems in Cayman one day Scott may pastor a church. Time will tell. He continues to do missions work w/ his best buddy from the states, Jeff Ghiotto.

Scott & I are having a challenging summer. Cancer Round 2 has not been an easy one. The medicines make me grouchy & anxiety ridden & some days I just want to crawl in a ball & sleep. This isn't easy on Scott. And it's definitely not easy on me. If you thought I was a hero - I'm not. I think of my father daily & how he said I am strong. I am not strong. I am weak. I am angry often at God, at Scott and at anyone who annoys me. Why am I tell you this? Because you need to know - I am not a hero. I am a human being who hurts a lot & clings to God with all my might even when I am angry at Him. I learned this summer - when I feel alone I don't think God has forsaken me - I feel it is me who has forsaken Him. He doesn't move - He is constant. But I know if I am honest, that I do and it always sends me running back to Him where I cling to Him knowing He has a better idea of how this will play out. You know that's the thing - I know He is there - it is definitely me who moves.

The good news. I do seem to be on the mend. While I still have one more chemo & 25 radiation treatments ahead of me to complete treatment to keep cancer away - like I said - I am on the mend.

In the midst of this God is teaching me about beauty through God's eyes. I am bald. Retaining water immediately following chemo. Put on about 5 lbs. And am tired of all cultures saying . . . "did you gain weight?" "Why yes, I did and in America that makes woman want to be anorexic - thanks for asking." I haven't gotten that in awhile as when people ask me if I've gained weight I grab them by the arms & say, "yes, stop asking!" It's not the weight gain I mind - it's the lack of muscle - you should know that. I know 5 lbs. is not a lot. But it is old weight gain & I am no longer an athletic build but rather a woman who looks as if she's aged by 10 years. And when Scott says - it's only temporary I say to him . . . I will still look like a boy at Christmas. And that's how I feel. But the good news is as per a friend's advice I have just placed a date on how long I will allow myself to be angry about my new reflection in the mirror. Sept. 20th. That's the date I should stop feeling ill from my last chemo - that's the day I believe no more hair will fall out, but rather can grow again. Oh, and if you want a laugh. Here it is - I've always had a couple of tiny hair that grows around my chin. It's not really noticeable - but I take them out w/ tweezers all the time & have since probably my early 20's. One is still growing. How's that for irony. See - I'm human. I am angry about my reflection. Embarrassed someone will see pictures & tell people - look what Julie Bianchi looks like now. Why am I telling you this - because it hurts - and God is working on my self-image perhaps more than even the first time. It's a lesson I think I have always needed and I am getting it in a big way. Someone once told me when people see you they see more than your reflection in the mirror - they see you - how you talk - your facial expressions, etc. And it's different. That is true for I never see any of my friends w/ the same eyes I see myself. It's an issue I've always had. So God is working on me in this area so if you think about it - pray w/ me on this issue as I need healing in this area.

Following chemo treatments round 1 - pictures were developed of me & my friend Dave Brintnall both showing our bald heads. And when I saw the pictures my lack of eyelashes, the swollen face & just lack of face really made me so sad & I said - I'm so glad I never saw these while I was going through chemo. If I had I would have thought I was very, very sick. And that's how I see them - that others will see them and see the same thing. This time a mistake was made & I saw the pictures and they torture me. So I promise - should they slip out to you - I feel better than I look - I am grumpy - very grumpy & irritable - and tired - oh so tired. But I also am thankful for Lilly - thankful for the blessing she is - thankful God made her an easy baby and that the boys & Scott are so good with her.

On another note - help has arrived. My Mom arrived early August & is here until August 28th to help mommy us. And we hired a helper who comes 5 days a week to clean & my Mimi was the cleanest person I ever knew - kept the cleanest house & my house is cleaner. That's how good Marsia the helper is. The boys get frustrated, including Scott when she moves their stuff - but the house is clean for the first time in my adult life. So that is good.

And that is our life. Please pray for our protection, for our joy & mostly for us to see God's will in our lives for surely he has a plan.

17"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crops fail
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Be blessed, but more than that - bless others,

Julie

Hello Baby

2008-07-22T18:16:00.001-07:00

So I don't think I told you all about Lilly's first night in Grand Cayman. We did what anyone might do right after they adopted a Chinese Baby. We went to our favorite Chinese Restaurant for dinner of course. Lilly loves fried rice and we have the pictures to show just how much. I'm sure that night the wait staff was thinking - they must be babysitting that baby & figured bring her for Chinese food. Why would they think that besides the obvious difference in our ethnicity? Well, because we took her w/out a bib and she was covered, the high chair was covered, the floor was covered and everything else around her was covered w/ fried rice. So I apologized for the mess and wrapped Lilly in a blanket and giggled the whole way out to the parking lot where I sat down on the curb still giggling while I brushed all the rice from her body as she stood in it in her little socks which were also covered in rice. I think even Lilly saw the humor in this. And Aunt Barbie caught it all in pictures. Very funny. In the words of a song from Fred Eaglesmith . . . "When exactly did we become white trash . . . " It was very funny all around. Unless of course you worked in the restaurant and had to clean up after Lilly - then maybe not so much.

Well tonight we went to eat Chinese again - but this time I went prepared. I even had a new bib which had a pocket at the bottom to catch the stray rice. And it did. It caught about 1/2 cup of fried rice that missed Lilly's mouth. My friend Kerri said next time I need to put a little ziplock baggie inside the pocket so I can take it home as a leftover. Note to self.

But none of the above is what prompted me to blog tonight. Tonight I have to tell you about our waitress. She was Chinese and we've learned from many other occasions her English is quite limited. So tonight Scott started asking her where she was from in China and finally he said "are you Mandarin or Cantonese?" To which she promptly replied, "Yes." So Scott just gave up and said "Lilly is Mandarin. You should talk to her." So the waitress went very lovingly to Lilly bent down near her face and said in English, "Hello Baby." Priceless. I love that.

She did finally say something in Chinese and Lilly did nod yes, so it's anyone's guess what she asked her, but Lilly seemed happy w/ her fried rice, so we didn't bother her to fill us in.

So remember when in doubt when talking to Lilly a "Hello Lilly" in English is always appropriate. And while it may or may not be understood by our little one, it is much appreciated as long as it's followed by a bowl of fried rice.

The End.

The Graubards

Lilly's World, Lilly's World, Excellent, Party Time, Bling, Bling, Bling!

2008-07-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Many have said - what's happened to the blogging? How is Miss Lilly and family doing? I'm so sorry - I just didn't feel like blogging - no better excuse.

Week 1 w/ Lilly went just fine. She is both a cuddly and easy baby. She will sit and play quietly by herself, but when she is done w/ that she is ready to cuddle and will call out Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma or Da, Da, Da, Da. And she loves Jesse so she has his attention as well and laughs and plays with him.

Jesse who I have to add grew up over night. He adores his little sister. I knew he'd like her - I knew he was eagerly awaiting being a big brother - and I knew he'd be a good big brother. I just didn't know he'd be a great big brother & I tell him how great he is at it every day & so does Daddy. She'll crash her walker through his toys & he says, "Lilly, no" and then looks at me and laughs. He really is amazing w/ her.

Honestly, she is much easier than I ever anticipated. My biggest adjustment is getting used to the idea that I am on call at all times again, plus working at the children's store I work at is on hold until further notice. Sure, I make an appearance on a Saturday and work just to get out w/ some adults - but for now I am back home w/ baby. I found the first couple of days I was going through a reality check w/ this, but honestly, she is easy - loves to eat & loves to laugh & play & cuddle and everything about her is just really going well. When she cries - it is because she is wet or hungry (she's always hungry - playing catching up as she weighed in at just 16 lbs. - that's what Garbo weighs!). When she is mad we call her "angry Lilly" but really angry Lilly lasts for about a minute & it's usually because she's hungry and we aren't catching the signal or she is tired. She does not stay mad. So keep praying as I believe God answered our prayers.

On a Julie note - you know people ask me how I am and I always answer - well, a little tired, but she sleeps through the night & is an easy baby, so I'm just doing some normal adjusting. Then it dawns on me they mean - how are you doing w/ chemo? How easily a baby makes you forget. So that is good and makes me happy. And I have to say - so many of you have written me and I apologize for not answering you directly. No time these days & I apologize for that! But I'm thinking of you and thank you for your sweet emails.

On a Scott note - Scott is finally over his jet lag. It took him a little longer than Lilly to come through the jet lag, but then again he was working - Lilly was home taking naps. I sometimes give him a hard time about napping, but really he did amazing and deserves some slack - I can't even imagine a 17 hour plane flight w/ a baby. Amazing.

Jesse, Lilly & I head to Florida next week for chemo #4 in Tampa. So send your prayers our way for an easy trip. It is also the first time Lilly will meet Joshua who is in Florida at the moment. Jesse can't wait to see Josh & introduce him to his new little sister. And Josh seems excited to meet her as well. And it is also her first time meeting Gramma Kay who Jesse always talks about - so she is in for a good surprise full of love when she meets her Gramma.

On a prayer note - I just want to thank you for your continued prayers over our family. People continually tell me and the family that we are strong - but we aren't strong in and of ourselves - that is the Lord and so don't kid yourself - you are seeing Him in us. Of course, it is a choice we made to accept Him into our lives - but when you pray it is answer to your prayers bringing us His strength. So thank you & remember even on the hard days:

The joy of the Lord is your (our) strength!
- Nehemiah 8:10

Be blessed & have a wonderful day!

Love,

Julie & Scott & family

Lilly & Jesse on her first day at home

2008-07-11T07:51:00.000-07:00

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Lilly's arrival July 10, 2008

2008-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

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One from the Proud Daddy

2008-07-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

After three and a half years of praying for her, our Lilly is finally
home. She is a tiny package of energy. She laughs, smiles and
cuddles. She is perfect.

For those who are not up to date, I left for Nanchang China on the 27th
of June While Julie remained behind in Cayman with Jesse. I arrived on
the 29th. After a whopping 45 minutes of rest there was a knock at my
hotel door and a nice Chinese lady who was fluent in Chinese but spoke
no English (fortunately I am fluent in English but speak not Chinese)
handed me this beautiful crying baby. That was it. Within 20 minutes I
was alone with her.

Yesterday, Lilly and I completed our travel home. We had a 1 hour
flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong followed by 16 hours from Hong Kong
to JFK. We spent about 4 hours in a hotel room in New York before our
last 4 hour flight home to Cayman where Momma, Jesse and Aunt Barbie
(thank God for Aunt Barbie) waited.

Lilly seems very happy in her new family. She will eat anything you
feed her and apparently has little value for sleep. Who could ask for
anything more.

Thanks to all who have prayed with us and for us over the last 3 1/2
years. Thanks to all who have helped in ways to numerous to mention.
More pictures will follow after a little sleep for me.

Blessings

Scott

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Lilly is amazing!

2008-07-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

Lilly is amazing. Truly she is. She's soft spoken, yet confident. You can see her little mind working. She is beautiful. Just a tiny bit of a thing. She loves to smile, belly laugh, eat and just be around all of us. She loves her little brother Jesse as she finds him quite fascinating. And while Daddy is her hero, she has taken nicely not only to me, but to my sister as well.

I am in love w/ our new little addition to the family.

Thanks for all your prayers, please continue them, we are blessed beyond words.

Love,

The Momma

I'm going to be a Mommy!!!!!!!!

2008-07-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's 10:58 a.m. and all I can think is . . . Holy Guacamole I'm going to be a Mom again in less than an hour!!!!!!!! This is the most surreal moment of my life.

Ten Centimeters Dilated

2008-07-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Many have said - we haven't heard anything - no blog - how are Lilly & Scott coming along! And on and on w/ the interested questions. My apologies for holding out for so long. So let me update you a little on all the adventures of this past week.

First as the title mentions it seems I am dilated by 10 centimeters at this point. Scott & Lilly are either in or on their way to New York City via Hong Kong as I write. I haven't heard from them yet, so I have to assume they are still in flight. They arrive their tonight (Wed.) and then will take a direct flight to Grand Cayman tomorrow (Thurs.) with an arrival time around noon.

So how was the week?

Let's start w/ chemo. Chemo #3 finally was a go on Friday, so I am halfway done w/ my chemo treatments and quite happy about that I might add. Even though I had to be bumped back a few days for this chemo - the timing was perfect.

My sister, Barbie, arrived in town on Thursday, July 3rd. So she got here just in time to be on hand should Jesse or I have any needs during that time. I am so thankful for the cleaning lady/cook she has been for me and the little friend she's been for Jesse. :) As it is Chemo # 3 went fine and I am doing ok. The worst of it has been the anxiety and tiredness that sort of sets in about days 3-6 following the chemo treatment. It just sort of puts me on edge a little, leaving me in need of extra rest. My sister would say I do not rest enough, but this night owl is doing her best to at least take naps and to get to bed a little earlier than usual. I guess the whole get more sleep thing is good advice as a whole as we have a baby arriving here soon!!!!

More importantly - how are Scott and Lilly???????? Right????????? They are doing really well. Scott is doing amazing w/ Lilly and they seem quite bonded to one another. I could tell by his emails at one point that they were going from bonding to spoiling - but overall, I just think little Lilly is just so happy to have the attention of such a doting Daddy and so that makes me happy. She seems very much at east w/ her Daddy.

Text messages from Scott throughout the week:

While in Nanchang:

Funny thing: they serve baked beans on the breakfast buffet. Tell Ellen it will make her laugh. (Ellen and Dave are our friends from the New England states). Turns out she was right. Beans are for breakfast. Who new?

Is is 9:00. Lilly and I just returned from a 2 hour self guided tour of the city. We stayed w/in 10 blocks of the hotel and took 200 pictures. Reminds me of Peru accept for all the Chinese people. Loving it but missing you.

I have one extra bag of Chinese formula. I will buy two more this morning. She is asleep again and I am studying. She really is wonderful. You are going to love her. Sorry about the photos. I am trying a bunch. I just can’t send them. Love you. By the way, I think Lilly may have called Lisa Welman (a friend in Cayman).

At 3:00 a.m. gave her a bottle and now she is back to sleep. Me, wide awake at 4:00 a.m. and loving it.

She usually has 2 hour naps and sleeps the night. I think she gets overwhelmed by the new world unfolding around her these days. We will be home in a week. You can recognize me by the carnation in my lapel and the Asian baby in my arms.

Her clothes do fit well she is a tiny angel

I think I am spoiling our daughter. It is hotter than hell and we just walked for two hours and she is copping an attitude because I stopped. Could this be another princess?

Eating lunch in the restaurant. Lilly is in a high chair eating bread w/ a hard crust and a sweet cake. Had a bath. We both survived. While I typed this she stole bread from the table next to ours. Very funny.

I don’t know how much she was fed before. All I know is that if she is fussing, she is hungry.

In Guangzhou:

The white swam is really nice. Not certain, but I think I ate him for breakfast. Yum. Lilly is chowing down on a piece of French toast. This kid loves to eat. Warn the dogs. I fear what will happen if they leave food in their dishes. Miss you. Give Cuatro a hug and a kiss. Warn Garbo & Lucy their worlds are about to change.

Had a great afternoon. Explored the hotel and visited some of the local shoppes. She had fun. Lilly fed herself two sweet rolls at lunch. Made a mess but had a great time. She does not mind sitting in her high chair jamming food in her cakehole. It is 6:00 and she just put herself to sleep. We played together most of the afternoon. Afternoon may be her best time. Tomorrow it is bath time again. Probably after breakfast. Love and miss you. P.S. Tell your sister not to touch my stuff.

Good morning. 6:30 and just woke up. Touring Guangzhou than just hanging out today.

Back in our room. She pooped is eating and then it is nap time. Tour was nice. Lilly seemed bored as if she had seen it before. Hmmmm.

Getting ready to leave for Hong Kong:

All that remains is to finalize on the other side of the sea. I have her visa et all. Love you.

Eating breakfast. Getting packed. Leave for airport soon.

So there you have it some texts from Scott about Lilly. He jokes all she does is eat, sleep and poop, but Joshua said, that's the same w/ him, so it seems all is well in her world. And Josh's for that matter, too.

Say lots of prayers for a great celebration tomorrow when Scott brings Lilly out the airport doors and we finally meet her in person!

Be blessed and thanks for praying and waiting for her arrival with us!

Love,

Julie & Scott

I Dig Your Wig

2008-07-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

As most of you read via my email - no chemo today. My white blood count too low - but no worries. God has a plan. They will try again on friday after giving me shots to help boost the old white count. Good news is my hemoglobin count is up.

Better news I got a new wiggy thing today. I ordered it from the American Cancer Society and it is called a fall - no hair in the middle, but looks cool under hats & scarves. I already have one, but this one is even cooler looking. Although I must tell you - my friend, Erika, calls me Ivanka when I wear the first one I bought w/ my little newsboy cap. I bought it at Moffitt and was happy to have it, but was also wearing higher heeled shoes that day and so was walking around doing my Mary Cate & Ashley in high heels walk in my very blonde hair w/ the a flippy shag hairstyle. Plus I had blush on to make-up for any paleness - so me as the day went on felt more like Julia Roberts as the hooker in Pretty woman - and now can't get that out of my head, but everyone else seems to think it's fine. Makes me laugh and you know that's perfect for me.

Scott's cousin, Abby, got my email about the new wig and told me to google the song "I Dig Your Wig" by the 80's group Ben Vaughn Combo - now I could only get The Many Moods singing it so I tried to attach that - but that made my day as it's funny to me. So enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0z9TIc8_cU&NR=1

On the Lilly & Scott news - Lilly is still doing well and seems to be getting on just fine w/ her Daddy. He says she is an easy baby and really isn't even upset by the rash that I think is going to come down to either heat rash (Scotts and the adoption agencie's guess) or a detergent allergy. Time will tell - we will not switch her off her Chinese formula till she gets home as she did not fair well when Scott tried to do that. So he will come home w/ lots of Chinese formula and will work on this when we have a pediatrician nearby and at our fingertips.

Here's a sampling of great Text messages I have received from Scott:

July 1

Hola mama. Como esta? That is Chinese for hi mama how are you? (Scott claims his brushing up on Spanish has done nothing for him there in China. Go figure)

She eats fruit, cereal, bread and Chinese formula.

Will send pictures soon. Lilly is grumpy must feed her and let her nap. Hot here. Otherwise Ds Lilly is helping with this message fjfhjgfgfgg

Looks like heat rash. Salee took us to the park it was beautiful. Lilly is doing well stop worrying. OK?

Nothing planned for the PM. More crowded than Cayman. Lots of things to see. Lots of people to watch. Kind of reminds me of Lima (Peru)

She is laying here next to me asleep.

She may be teething. She has 4 teeth on top and 2 in the bottom. She just fell asleep.

And that is just a taste of the great texts he sent. He also told me on the phone that she was lying on the bed and she touched his nose and he went "Honk" something he used to do all the time to our friend Grace Whitley's baby who also loved it and therefore when first met her baby brother in the hospital reached up, touched her brother's nose and said, "Honk" - a proud day for Scott. Anyway, back to Lilly - he went "honk" and she had a great belly laugh - he said it was beautiful and she is quite the happy little one. Little being the operative word as she is tiny.

Off to rest and drink lots of water. Nurses orders.

Thanks for all of you who have said at one time or another - perhaps in different words - "I dig your wig."

Be blessed,

Julie

Amazing June 29th for the Graubards

2008-06-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Jesse's 7th birthday - although I'm not sure he knows it as like his Momma we've been celebrating for the last two weeks and will continue into July w/ a big birthday party.

But that is not the only reason June 29th is special to us. God has made June 29th special yet again as today he dropped Lilly into Scott's arm in a hotel in Nanchang, China. Isn't the Lord so very cool. He took an already special day and made it that much more special to us.

How is Jesse about sharing his big day? Well, there are still cupcakes involved, right? So he's good w/ it. He's been awaiting this moment for so long I'm sure he would even share a little bit of his cupcake as long as she doesn't push it.

The last week our house has emptied slightly. I was already missing Josh and his silliness as Scott had flown w/ him to Miami a week ago for a summer away. Then Friday we dropped Scott off at the airport for his trip to China. So I proclaimed my homesickness for Daddy to Jesse . And w/ all the compassion he could come up with he said - "Mom, he's bringing home my baby sister." As if - get over this - it's for a good cause. My heart melted.

We knew Lilly would be in Scott's arms in the next few days - but what we didn't know was that it would be on Jesse's birthday! Scott sent me a text message last night (Sunday) at 2:00 a.m. which was already 3:00 p.m. for him on Sunday.

And he said, "Lilly will be with me from 4:30 June 29. That is special." Indeed it is. Or as my Mom reminded me in a text this morning:

"This is the day the Lord has made and what a beautiful day it is." Amen. :)

So here are the first text messages I awakened to in the order he sent them:

"Lilly says hi mommy and Jesse"

"She cried for an hour and a half nonstop. Then I sang to her and she would stop for awhile."

"She stared. She is is very curious and I think very smart."

"Then she laughed. You can't imagine how beautiful that little laugh is."

"Am in love with this little angel."

In that it is 9 a.m. Cayman time (8 a.m. US time), it must be 8 p.m. Nanchang, China time, so I would be surprised if both baby & daddy are not already sound asleep as they both had exhausting days.

God is good! So very good. Can I get a Praise God?!

Love & blessings,

Julie who loves June 29th for so many reasons

The journey to get Lilly

2008-06-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my computer at 12:10 a.m. Sunday just wondering if Scott has arrived in Nanchang, China. For Scott it is actually around 12:10 p.m. Sunday. Last he text messaged me it was to tell me he was in Hong Kong awaiting his flight to Nanchang where he will be for the next few days. He said he was tired, but doing ok.

Yesterday when I left Scott at the airport I had an overwhelming feeling of homesickness for him. I was dealing w/ very real fear. Fear of his being on the other side of the world so far away from us. Fear that I would get sick while he was away with an infection if my white blood count got too low from chemo. And most of all fear of being a mother again and the idea that Lilly might not love me, that we might not bond, that I'm out of shape at being a Mommy of a baby. Total fear. So I did the kind of thing I always do - I got in the car and took Jesse to the movies. We went to see Wall-E. Now looking back - how appropriate as we enter this world that is so alien to us.

It's so surreal. I mean, little Lilly, we've talked about her so long. And now Scott's actually in China getting ready to meet her. I've heard it said that a birth child grows in your belly, while an adopted child grows in your heart. That's so true. I may not have carried Lilly inside of me, but God certainly grew her in both Scott's & my hearts. On Friday when Scott was sitting in the Grand Cayman airport awaiting his flight to New York he called me and he told me something I had not thought of. When I was pregnant w/ Jesse, we prayed for Jesse every day. Scott always prayed Psalm 15 over him as he'd talk to my belly. And I would be silly and talk back as if it was Jesse talking. So the night before Scott left for New York he had a hard time getting to sleep and he thought about how we used to pray for Jesse and that's when it came to him - we've been praying for Lilly for such a long time. Over 3 years now - which means we were praying for Lilly before she was even conceived. Yes, I do believe God placed Lilly in our hearts long ago and that He always meant for her to be a gift to us. I am forever grateful to her birth mother who gave her life so that we can be her family.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. - Psalm 118:24

Truly we are blessed.

As they say in Cayman even when they great you in the early evening . . . Good Night,

Mom to David, Megan, Josh, Jesse & Lilly

About the Julie Mango

2008-06-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

My friend, Sherry, was asking me about the Julie mango, so I decided to look it up. It made me laugh to see how much I am actually like the Julie Mango these days in light of the whole breast cancer extravaganza we're currently working our way through. So read on. My comments are in parenthesis.

Julie' is the main mango exported from the West Indies to Europe. The fruit is somewhat flattened on one side (ironic), of medium size (nice I guess); the flesh is not completely fiberless but is of good flavor. It came to Florida from Trinidad (or perhaps from Ohio) but has long been popular in Jamaica. The tree is somewhat dwarf (of course, height is mentioned), has 30% to 50% hermaphrodite flowers; bears well and regularly. It is adaptable to humid environments and disease-resistant (I like this one) and the fruit is resistant to the fruit fly. 'Julie' has been grown in Ghana since the early 1920's. From 'Julie', the well-known mango breeder, Lawrence Zill, developed 'Carrie', but 'Julie' has not been planted in Florida for many years (or at least not in this last year since she's gone Caribbean for about a year now).

There you have it.

On a whole other note - keep Scott in prayer as he heads to China today to pick up our dear sweet Lilly. He will bring her home to Momma on July 10th.

Have a mango today on me.

Be blessed,

Julie

Why Julie Mango?

2008-06-26T09:01:00.001-07:00

So not that anyone cares - but I thought I'd fill you in on why I'm Julie Mango.

Now lest you think I've quit being The Princess - as they say on the Island - no worries, mon. I will always be The Princess. But when I first arrived on the Island - I decided I needed to reach out and make friends, thus I started going to a Mom's prayer group at my church.

So these woman who were somewhat familiar w/ the little white girl from the US were so very kind to me and took me right under their wings. Especially Sister Janet, the wife of the elder of the church. Sister Janet is a British woman who is one of my favorite people on the entire Island. It was she who for memory sake decided to give me what she calls a "pet name."

Turns out there is a type of mango called the Julie Mango. Thus, my pet name. Apparently the Julie Mango is quite sweet. This I like. It's also shaped funny, as all mangoes are - I choose to believe that has nothing to do w/ why it reminds Sister Janet of me. Although, that said - funny thing about living in the Caribbean. I live in a place which is a mixture of so many different cultures - some of which have no problem mentioning it to you when you gain weight. Yay me! Like the other day when I took off my sunglasses to say hello to my friend who works at the pharmacy at the hospital. She was looking at me like she didn't recognize me, so I started to say, "I know - it's the blonde wig (chemo patient)." I said that at the same time she was saying, "You're face - it's so round, I didn't recognize you." Speechless. Which you will learn if you don't know it already - I am not.

Back to the topic at hand. So right after my new friends named me Julie Mango - I'm outside w/ my husband, Scott, and my son, Jesse, and someone rides by in her car, reaches her arm out the window and waves and yelled, "Helllllllooooooo, Julie Mango!" My husband smiled and looked at me for explanation, but recognized my happy face knowing I had friends in this new place and might stop the crying.

Probably the day I decided - I'm home. Yes, definitely the day this became home.

Julie Mango

I'm blogging!

2008-06-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

So I've never blogged - well unless you count that time I tried it out on My Space and then never tried again. My friend, Sue, told me I should blog - so here goes. :) I'm finding myself speechless at the moment - but never fear - I'll get my thoughts back once I get over the very idea of little old just learned to text this year Julie has a blog now. Funny.